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The Dentist
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A man with a throbbing toothache (Harvey Korman) finds the only dentist open on a Sunday, then learns the doctor (guest Tim Conway) has just graduated and he is the first patient. The jittery rookie confesses to weak grades in fillings and extractions, offers a cleaning instead and studies a manual to identify his tools. Trying to give a shot of novocaine, he injects himself; his hand, leg and face go numb in turn while he keeps attempting the extraction, and Korman fights to keep a straight face.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I got A's in cleaning, though. You want me to clean it for you?
Will it stop the pain? No, but it'll look great.
Maybe we could just wait till it falls out, you know.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Writer Gail Parent recalled that Tim Conway hired her and her partner Kenny Solms to write six sketches for him, and that this dentist sketch was one of them. She also said Conway was the only performer on the show who improvised, mostly to make Harvey Korman laugh.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Speaker 1
Right this way, Mr. Schlesinger.
- 00:07
The Nervous Patient
Thank you.
- 00:07
Speaker 1
It always seems to happen on a Sunday, doesn't it?
- 00:10
The Nervous Patient
Oh, boy, I tell you, it really hurts.
- 00:11
Speaker 1
Dr. Kiefer will be with you in a minute.
- 00:13
The Nervous Patient
Dr. Kiefer? What happened to Dr. Burmar?
- 00:15
Speaker 1
Oh, he's out of town. He's breaking in a new partner, his son-in-law.
- 00:19
The Nervous Patient
Doesn't hurt that much.
- 00:21
Speaker 1
You won't find another dentist on a Sunday.
- 00:23
The Nervous Patient
Yeah, I guess you're right. You sure he knows what he's doing?
- 00:28
Speaker 1
Dr. Kiefer just graduated from dental school. As a matter of fact, you're his very first patient, so he may be a little nervous
- 00:34
The Nervous Patient
it won't be the only one
- 00:36
Speaker 1
dr keifer your first patient is waiting he's still here doctor he's waiting
- 00:50
The Rookie Dentist
oh yeah oh boy i thought we were just going to come in and practice today i didn't know where
- 00:57
Speaker 1
he'll be right with you
- 00:59
The Rookie Dentist
hello
- 01:08
The Nervous Patient
hello doctor
- 01:10
The Rookie Dentist
Well, that'll be $20.
- 01:15
The Nervous Patient
$20? You haven't done anything yet.
- 01:18
The Rookie Dentist
Fifteen, maybe.
- 01:19
The Nervous Patient
Look, doctor, please listen to me. I have a terrible toothache. I am in terrible pain. I want you to do something to stop the pain. Either fill the tooth or pull it.
- 01:27
The Rookie Dentist
Oh, gosh. Why C's?
- 01:32
The Nervous Patient
C's?
- 01:32
The Rookie Dentist
Yeah. See, in dental school, in filling and pulling, I only got C's. That was just kind of an average grade. I got A's in cleaning, though. You want me to clean it for you?
- 01:41
The Nervous Patient
Will it stop the pain?
- 01:42
The Rookie Dentist
No, but it'll look great.
- 01:43
The Nervous Patient
What? Give me the Cs. Give me the Cs.
- 01:47
The Rookie Dentist
Oh, boy. Gosh.
- 01:49
The Nervous Patient
What?
- 01:51
The Rookie Dentist
I cheated on my final. And besides, I had mononucleosis the last semester, so I didn't get a chance to work on people like the other guys, so most of my work was just done with animals.
- 02:02
The Nervous Patient
I don't care about animals. Just please fix this tooth.
- 02:06
The Rookie Dentist
Yeah, but it isn't the same working on animals and people.
- 02:08
The Nervous Patient
Doctor, I don't care. please I'm in terrible pain
- 02:10
The Rookie Dentist
yeah
- 02:11
The Nervous Patient
please
- 02:11
The Rookie Dentist
well give it a try
- 02:14
The Nervous Patient
what's this
- 02:29
The Rookie Dentist
it's a doggy treat you want to go outside for a while thank you good boy
- 02:39
The Nervous Patient
okay well he's not you please do something about this dude
- 02:42
The Rookie Dentist
yeah right well I guess you better wash up all right better wash up no sense in you washing up you wouldn't be putting your hand in my mouth so I'll wash up here we go Say, did you hear the one about the guy who had an electric toothbrush?
- 03:20
The Rookie Dentist
He used to brush after every meal and then see his electrician twice a year.
- 03:29
The Rookie Dentist
Brush, brush, brush your teeth, brush them every day. Mother, sister, brother, father, brush them every way. School song.
- 03:37
The Rookie Dentist
Ah, well, let's just have an old look at that here. Excuse me, man. Let's see now. Oh, on second thought, I don't think I will take a look at it.
- 03:48
The Nervous Patient
Well, now what?
- 03:49
The Rookie Dentist
Well, my mother gave me these for graduation.
- 03:51
The Nervous Patient
Well, so what?
- 03:52
The Rookie Dentist
Well, you're gonna get them all icky.
- 03:56
The Nervous Patient
No, I won't.
- 03:57
The Rookie Dentist
You won't?
- 03:57
The Nervous Patient
No, I won't.
- 03:58
The Rookie Dentist
Okay, well, maybe we could just wait till it falls out, you know.
- 04:01
The Nervous Patient
Please, please, doctor.
- 04:02
The Rookie Dentist
Okay. Ah. Mm-hmm. Ah, see? I was right.
- 04:06
The Nervous Patient
What?
- 04:07
The Rookie Dentist
Boy, he got it all icky. Here you go. Better rinse out a little bit. There you go. Just rinse that right out and then we'll...
- 04:14
Mm. Mm. Mm. Ah. Mm.
- 04:26
The Rookie Dentist
I don't have a ball Mama's going to get me that too But she just ordered it It won't be here till Tuesday You want to wait till Tuesday? You don't want to wait, huh? Okay
- 04:39
The Nervous Patient
Doctor, please, please Get this tooth out of my mouth Now
- 04:44
The Rookie Dentist
Let's see now If we're going to pull her out We'll have to have those pulley things The pulleys and Let's see Pinchy things And the little picky things There here.
- 04:56
The Rookie Dentist
Pinchy picky polly. See, I'll get my manual just a minute on that.
- 05:03
The Rookie Dentist
All right, here. Okay, now, let's see. You want to pull your tooth out. P, P, P-U, T-U-L, T-U-L-L.
- 05:14
The Rookie Dentist
Pull Pull the tooth, T, T, T-O-T-O, T-O-T-O-T-H, here we are. Pull your tooth out. Boy, this is going to hurt.
- 05:31
The Nervous Patient
Doctor, if it's going to hurt, please give me something to kill the pain.
- 05:33
The Rookie Dentist
Yeah, okay, well, I've got some Novocaine right here. Just hold on to that, man. Let's see how this works here.
- 05:41
The Rookie Dentist
Okay, Novocaine, here we are, Novocaine. Take a firm hold of the hypodermic needle, right.
- 05:56
The Rookie Dentist
there'll be a little bit of pain and then numbness will set in
- 05:59
The Rookie Dentist
give you a little shocker
- 06:51
The Rookie Dentist
right with you now
- 08:59
The Rookie Dentist
that'll be $20
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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