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Homey Claus

In Living Color1990Season 2Episode 12
In Living Color
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Homey D. Clown fills in as the mall's Santa and hands out Christmas lessons the only way Homey knows how.

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Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Working as a stand-in Santa at a shopping mall, Homey D. Clown refuses to let the children climb on his lap and teaches each visitor something they did not ask for. He swats one kid with his trademark sock to explain dignity, offers a girl a cut-rate substitute for the doll she wants, gives a boy a plain stick and a brainy kid a box to wear on his head. When he catches a teenager stealing a toy as a gang initiation, Homey shows him exactly what a gang has to offer, then leads the kids in a carol that turns into a rant about his own run-in with the police. A child's sincere holiday thanks almost softens him, but Homey still chases everyone out and hangs up his sign.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

I don't think so. Homey don't play that.

Well, I ain't got no Malibu Barbie. I got Compton Carlotta.

That's the same thing your dumb ass get out of the gang. Nothing.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Aired in In Living Color's 25th episode, whose closing goodnights ended with the cast dumping David Alan Grier onto the anniversary cake. Homey D. Clown was inspired by Paul Mooney, the show's head writer in its first season.

ScriptEnglish · 67 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:01

    Child

    There he is. Come on. Let's go see Santa. Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!

  2. 00:21

    Homey D. Clown

    Santa don't live here anymore, it's Call me Claude.

  3. 00:26

    Child

    How come you do got white hair and white beard?

  4. 00:31

    Homey D. Clown

    Oh, surround my face with white so I can look some sort of damn North Pole negative. I don't think so. Call me don't play that.

  5. 00:41

    Child

    Oh, hey can we sit on your lap and tell you what we want for christmas yeah

  6. 00:47

    Homey D. Clown

    oh so let I get this straight. You want me to lower myself so that you can assume a superior position and then demand tribute?

  7. 00:58

    Child

    Yeah!

  8. 00:59

    Homey D. Clown

    I don't think so. homie don't play that I tell you what you can sit on this have You your knee and I can keep my dignity

  9. 01:20

    Child

    but homie what's dignity

  10. 01:23

    Homey D. Clown

    here let me show you see how you feel right now

  11. 01:33

    Child

    yeah

  12. 01:34

    Homey D. Clown

    well dignity is the opposite of that now then little girl Well, what do you want from Homie Claus?

  13. 01:46

    Child

    uh a malibu barbie with her own condo

  14. 01:52

    Homey D. Clown

    A Malibu Barbie?

  15. 01:53

    Child

    Yeah!

  16. 01:54

    Homey D. Clown

    Well, I ain't got no Malibu Barbie. I got Compton Carlotta. And this is her section 8 housing and foreclosure.

  17. 02:10

    Child

    I miss you, Turkey. paper with an afro!

  18. 02:16

    Homey D. Clown

    Merry Christmas.

  19. 02:18

    Child

    Thank you.

  20. 02:26

    Child

    I want...

  21. 02:27

    Homey D. Clown

    I don't care what you want, cave boy. This is what you get. is Sticko, the world's greatest toy.

  22. 02:37

    Child

    Stick.

  23. 02:38

    Homey D. Clown

    I know, but it ain't just an ordinary stick. You could be a baseball player. Like, what's that big, fat white boy's name?

  24. 02:44

    Child

    Babe Ruth. I don't want to be a baseball player.

  25. 02:48

    Homey D. Clown

    Well, then, you could play the flute, be the Pied Piper of Hammertown.

  26. 02:51

    Child

    I don't want to be a flute player.

  27. 02:53

    Homey D. Clown

    Then, here, why don't you just go lead the parade?

  28. 02:55

    Child

    I just want to lead the parade.

  29. 02:56

    Homey D. Clown

    I said lead the damn parade. Big Kid, come sit down.

  30. 03:04

    Big Kid

    Hi homie!

  31. 03:06

    Homey D. Clown

    You're screaming my ear again, big kid.

  32. 03:08

    Big Kid

    It's gonna be near you. Sorry, homie.

  33. 03:11

    Homey D. Clown

    Now, what can homie Claus get for you?

  34. 03:13

    Big Kid

    Okay. Homie, I would like a refracting telescope model 897560-392504. You know, something I can look at all the constellations and the stars with.

  35. 03:27

    Homey D. Clown

    Oh, so you're not just a big dumb kid. You're a brainy kid.

  36. 03:30

    Big Kid

    Yeah, homie.

  37. 03:31

    Homey D. Clown

    Homie's got just the thing for you. here you go

  38. 03:34

    Big Kid

    but homie this ain't no refracting telescope

  39. 03:40

    Homey D. Clown

    it's better than that it's an observatory go ahead why don't you put it on your head wonderful didn't you see all the wonderful stars

  40. 04:02

    Big Kid

    Yeah!

  41. 04:06

    Homey D. Clown

    excuse me children i gotta bring some christmas joy to this young man's heart hey i saw you take that toy now if you need a toy i can't afford one homie claus can give you one

  42. 04:19

    Child

    i got money i thought it's like I can be in a gang it's part of my initiation

  43. 04:24

    Homey D. Clown

    what

  44. 04:27

    Child

    my initiation

  45. 04:28

    Homey D. Clown

    he's an ignorant little fool so you want to be in a gang huh make you feel like a big man huh

  46. 04:39

    Child

    yeah

  47. 04:40

    Homey D. Clown

    well since you're a big man homies got something special for you

  48. 04:43

    Child

    yes

  49. 04:43

    Homey D. Clown

    look in the bag

  50. 04:44

    Child

    let me see I don't see nothing

  51. 04:46

    Homey D. Clown

    you gotta look closer now what do you see that's the same thing your dumb ass get out of the game nothing

  52. 04:58

    Child

    Can I go now?

  53. 05:00

    Homey D. Clown

    Well, I guess since it's Christmas, I should let you off with just a warning, huh? I don't think so. Homie don't play that.

  54. 05:09

    Homey D. Clown

    All All right, little children, gather around. My belt is falling. that means That means it's time to sing Christmas carols.

  55. 05:20

    Child

    Yeah!

  56. 05:21

    Homey D. Clown

    All right, repeat after me. Silent night.

  57. 05:27

    Child

    Fight! night,

  58. 05:29

    homies Homie's night.

  59. 05:32

    Homey D. Clown

    All was calm. All was bright.

  60. 05:40

    Homey D. Clown

    Bright like that light that this cop shined in my damn face He knew I didn't do nothing Threw me on the floor and put that damn visor cap Stopped beating me like I was a fool I didn't do it, he knew I didn't do it, he knew it That dog ain't singing That

  61. 05:54

    Child

    he's right he's right he's right he's right

  62. 05:58

    Homey D. Clown

    was beautiful He almost made homie misty-eyed

  63. 06:08

    Homey D. Clown

    I said almost Now y'all gone, get out of here

  64. 06:17

    Child

    Hey, homie! Homie! Homie, Merry Christmas

  65. 06:25

    Homey D. Clown

    What, you trying to have a special moment with me? you want homie to reveal a tender side show he wasn't completely hardened by the man's prison system

  66. 06:34

    Child

    yeah

  67. 06:35

    Homey D. Clown

    i don't I don't think so homie don't play that not even on christmas now get the hell out of here hey kid you ain't moving fast enough i said get the hell out of here

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