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White Elephant

Saturday Night Live 2022 Season 48 Episode 9

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A company holiday party's white elephant gift exchange turns ugly when one guest cannot handle losing the present he loves.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

At a company holiday party, a group of coworkers gathers around the coffee table to play a white elephant gift exchange. Shawn, a leather-jacketed guest, is thrilled with the ashtray he unwraps and promises to treasure it, until Ava steals it on her turn. Shawn insists the stealing rule is unfair, then hurls petty insults at the other guests, accusing one of needing her scented candle to cover for a smelly home and another of being a drug addict, while the rest of the group tries to calm him down. When he finally unwraps a replacement gift, it turns out to be exactly what he wanted, and a rooftop Santa Claus appears to explain how he knew.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 8

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

That's mean as hell.

You are a wicked little woman.

Just call it Father's Intuition.

ScriptEnglish · 46 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:02
Party Guest
And, uh, maybe next year we can host this company holiday party in the Bahamas, right? Cheers, everybody.
00:07
Party Guest
Cheers.
00:08
Party Guest
Aw, seriously, thank you all for coming tonight. Now, how about we start the White Elephant Gift Exchange? Does everyone know how this works?
00:16
Party Guest
Remind me again.
00:17
Party Guest
Oh, we all take turns grabbing gifts, right?
00:19
Party Guest
Yep, but you only get to pick when your number is called.
00:22
Party Guest
Yeah, but we can steal a gift, right?
00:25
Party Guest
Exactamundo. Let's start. Who's got number one?
00:27
Janette
Uh, that'd be me. Okay. Oh, oh, oh. All right, okay, now that's a candle right there. I love it. All right, who's next?
00:40
Shawn
Oh, me. I've got number two.
00:42
Party Guest
Okay, Shawn and Tim getting in on the action.
00:45
Shawn
Oh, nice. Oh, nice! A sweet ashtray. Oh, you know, I was just saying I needed something like this. I'm gonna use this as a catch-all by the front door of my place.
01:02
Party Guest
Yep. Cool.
01:03
Shawn
So when I get home from a long day, I can just put all my rings and bracelets and playing cards and stuff right from my pockets right here so I know where everything is. To whoever got this, thank you for real. I am going to cherish this forever. It is perfect.
01:20
Party Guest
Okay, well, let's move on.
01:22
Ava
Number three, I'm up. And you know what? Actually, I'm going to steal. I really like Shawn's gift. Yoink!
01:31
Party Guest
Oh no, she did it!
01:33
Ava
Let the games begin.
01:37
Shawn
So what, now I just don't get a gift?
01:40
Party Guest
No, Shawn, now you can go back to the unopened gifts or you can steal.
01:44
Shawn
Okay, alright. I'll steal my gift back. Yoink back at you.
01:48
Party Guest
No, I don't think you can do that.
01:50
Party Guest
Yeah, you've, uh, you gotta grab someone else's.
01:54
Shawn
Uh... Uh, that's not fair that you shouldn't be able to do that. That's, that's like mean. That's mean as hell. You know what, Ava? You are a wicked little woman.
02:07
Party Guest
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Shawn, I'm gonna need you to chillax pimp juice.
02:10
Party Guest
That's just how the game is played, dude.
02:11
Shawn
You shouldn't be able to take someone's gift if it's perfect for them. That's not right. For example, I wouldn't take Janette's scented candle because I know that her house stinks.
02:22
Janette
What?
02:23
Shawn
No, I'm just saying, Janette, we've all been to your house. We're all aware that you need that candle.
02:28
Party Guest
Shawn, it's okay, dude. Just take a different gift.
02:33
Shawn
I would've.
02:36
Party Guest
Are you gonna open it?
02:40
Shawn
Why? It's just gonna suck.
02:42
Party Guest
Hey, let's all take a chill pill and push through. This is supposed to be fun, remember? So who's next?
02:49
Party Guest
Um, number five right here.
02:50
Shawn
Hey, Janette, could I get a whiff of your candle?
02:53
Janette
Uh-oh. Okay, I think I know where this is going.
02:56
Shawn
So what are you gonna use it to smoke dope?
02:59
Party Guest
Shawn!
03:00
Shawn
What? Look at her. She's obviously doped out of her gourd right now. Total smackhead.
03:07
Party Guest
Shawn, you're being a child. Just open your gift and shut up.
03:12
Shawn
Alright, whatever, I will. Happy? Let's see what crap awaits. Ugh, it's even addressed to me. Who wrote my name on this one?
03:23
Shawn
Oh, my goodness. My goodness. It's the same catch-all but in jet black. That's like even more awesome than the other one, because jet black is my favorite color.
03:36
Party Guest
Your favorite color is jet black?
03:39
Shawn
It's a Christmas miracle, guys. Who did this? Come on, fess up, somebody. That must mean Santa.
03:52
Santa Claus
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, Santa Claus here, telling you that if someone is lucky enough to get a perfect gift at the White Elephant Gift Exchange, let them keep it. It costs you nothing to be nice. Now, you might wonder how I knew Shawn wanted that catch-all. Just call it Father's Intuition. Merry Christmas!