You're tuned to the good stuff
Uninterested Woman Game Show
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Host Sephora Outlet introduces a dating show with a twist: the woman has already made clear she is not interested, and the bachelors win by responding gracefully. Contestant Kelly explains that she is married, a lesbian and only wants a little polite chat while she waits for her bagel. Her three suitors, Dane, Keith and Evan, introduce themselves with increasingly strange boasts and announce they are excited to date her anyway. In a staged bagel-shop challenge Keith pesters Kelly through her headphones and later insists they have plans, and when she asks them to share something about themselves the men fixate on their heights. Asked why Kelly will not date them, the bachelors offer insults and excuses instead of the obvious answer, and the host gives up and goes to a break.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm a professional rat wrangler with COVID.
I am 6'5" if you measure from the ceiling.
Height is a medium important to women at most.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Interested Woman Game Show, and here's your host.
- 00:07
Sephora Outlet
Hello, hello. My name is Sephora Outlet. And welcome to the Uninterested Woman Game Show. The game show where a woman is up front about not being interested in three bachelors. And they compete to react appropriately. Let's meet Kelly.
- 00:22
Kelly
Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm from Texas. I'm a lesbian. And I'm married. The most I'm looking for is three minutes of polite conversation while I wait for my bagel to be ready. I'm not interested in dating.
- 00:34
Sephora Outlet
And let's meet our gentlemen.
- 00:36
What's up, Kelly?
- 00:37
Excited to date.
- 00:38
You are gorgeous.
- 00:40
Sephora Outlet
Okay, bad start. But let's get to know these guys a little better.
- 00:45
Dane
Hey, I'm Dane. I believe in a woman's right to boogie, and I'm super psyched about Kelly.
- 00:51
Keith
And I'm Keith. I'm a professional rat wrangler with COVID. I'm worried that I'm too good for Kelly, but I am in love with her, and I'm willing to see where this goes.
- 01:01
Evan
and I'm Evan I work out five times a week much like all my favorite podcasters I only do arms which is why I look so weird and yeah I'd like to date Kelly
- 01:13
Sephora Outlet
that's great a reminder Kelly is not interested
- 01:18
and why are we like vibing
- 01:20
Sephora Outlet
okay time for our first challenge three minutes at the deli Kelly is waiting for her bagel she's wearing headphones and staring straight ahead head. What do you do?
- 01:34
Keith
Excuse me, I'm Keith. I'm Keith.
- 01:37
Kelly
What?
- 01:37
Keith
Uh, I'm Keith. Do you have a name?
- 01:39
Kelly
Oh, I'm Kelly.
- 01:40
Keith
Oh, cool. Uh, do you want to get a drink right now? I know all the spots that are open in the morning.
- 01:46
Kelly
No, thank you.
- 01:47
Keith
Man, you're so mysterious. I'm like, uh, I don't even know her name, you know?
- 01:51
Kelly
I said it's Kelly.
- 01:52
Keith
Oh yeah, I forgot.
- 01:55
Sephora Outlet
So Keith, how do you feel about how that went
- 01:57
Keith
really good we have plans later
- 01:59
Kelly
no we don't
- 01:59
Sephora Outlet
you don't no you don't kelly you can come back i'm so sorry about that kelly do you have any questions for our bachelors
- 02:07
Kelly
yes personality is very important to me and a person i'll be alone with them public even briefly so tell me something about yourself
- 02:15
well i'm a family man and my family is currently mad at me because i moved my computer to the garage and every time i come out my opinions are a little different
- 02:26
Sephora Outlet
Evan?
- 02:28
Evan
Evan I'm six foot negative three Every female flight attendant waitress nurse dentist and female bartender. I've ever met has been in love with me And yeah, I'm dating Kelly.
- 02:40
Sephora Outlet
You're not but you're not you're not dating Kelly, right? Dane
- 02:45
Dane
well my height is five foot zero, but my penis is five inch zero But my penis
- 02:52
Sephora Outlet
no no no no no no, no, stop. Stop.
- 02:59
Keith
I forgot to say my height. I'm 6'5", if you measure from the ceiling.
- 03:05
Sephora Outlet
You guys don't have to say your height.
- 03:07
But I think about my height like a thousand times a day.
- 03:10
Sephora Outlet
Well, height, okay. Height is a medium important to women at most.
- 03:15
Well, if that's true, then explain my whole world to you.
- 03:21
Sephora Outlet
Next question. Why do you think Kelly doesn't want to date you?
- 03:26
Keith
This could be wrong. I'm just, like, working an idea out aloud. Uh, she's a bitch?
- 03:32
No.
- 03:34
She's confused because she's sick?
- 03:39
Sephora Outlet
The answer I was looking for is Kelly is a married lesbian on an errand.
- 03:45
I am on an errand to date Kelly.
- 03:48
Sephora Outlet
Kelly doesn't want to date you.
- 03:49
Whatever. She's probably a lesbian.
- 03:51
Sephora Outlet
She is. She is. She is a lesbian. She said that.
- 03:55
Dane
Well, I'm just going to say it one more time. She hasn't met me, though.
- 03:58
Sephora Outlet
Oh, she has.
- 04:01
I have.
- 04:05
Sephora Outlet
Okay. Okay, we'll be right back.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Saturday Night Live.
