You're tuned to the good stuff
How to Treat Your Man with Minky Carmichael
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
This is my church, and Minky is my priest.
Girl, the only VCR I care about is a very cool rack.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it looked like an espresso cup.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Presented as a rerun of a 1992 talk show, "How to Treat Your Man" is hosted by Minky Carmichael, who struts in to applause, introduces his champagne-sipping sidekick Jen Fonger-Bhang and promises to teach women how to land and keep a man. Each audience question about ghosting, a boyfriend's video collection or a missed phone number gets a brusque, preposterous ruling from Minky, a cue for the band to "hit it" and a dance number. Then a woman named Jada announces that she has dated Minky and describes the date in unflattering detail, an audience member keeps asking follow-ups, and the unraveling host consults a fax from a clinic before the show is abruptly cancelled and he has to go back to high school.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The sketch is framed as a rerun, with an on-screen "Original airdate: December 8th, 1992" caption, although it first aired on Saturday Night Live on December 10, 2022.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Speaker 1
Ladies, let's give it up for the king of the 90s, the man that keeps us in line and looking fine, Minky Carmichael!
- 00:18
Minky Carmichael
Wow! Oh, I'm feeling good! I am feeling good! Welcome to How on how to treat your man with me, Minky Carmichael. The show where we give a bye to all the fine females that are there looking to land a man and keep his ass.
- 00:35
Minky Carmichael
As always, I'm joined by my sidekick, the beautiful Jen Funger-Vang.
- 00:39
Jen Fonger-Bhang
I love Minky, and I hate foolish women. I started drinking early.
- 00:46
Minky Carmichael
Yes, you did.
- 00:47
Minky Carmichael
Now, would you look at all the beautiful ladies in the audience tonight. who don't know a damn thing about how to treat their man. Hit it. Now, that's how it is.
- 01:09
Jen Fonger-Bhang
This is my church, and Minky is my priest.
- 01:13
Minky Carmichael
That's 100% true. Now, who's got a question for me? Over here. Right here, right here, right here.
- 01:19
Minky Carmichael
Okay, white girl with a little head.
- 01:21
Audience Member
Oh, oh, me? Oh, okay, um, well, hi, Minky. So, uh, after our first date, I didn't sleep with I was Because I didn't want to see him lose. But now he's not calling me back. What did I do wrong?
- 01:37
Minky Carmichael
Hmm, let me consult with my relationship calculator. You went on a date, beep, beep, boop, boop. You didn't put out, beep, boop, boop, boop. And that equals beep, boop, boop, boop. Of course he's not calling back. Hit it! And that's just how it is
- 02:01
Audience Member
Aw, come on, Minky.
- 02:04
Jen Fonger-Bhang
He said what he said.
- 02:06
Minky Carmichael
Shut up.
- 02:08
Minky Carmichael
Next question.
- 02:11
Audience Member
Minky, hi. Hi. So, here's what's up. I was a date and found porno in this guy's VCR. Is that a red flag? What should I do?
- 02:21
Minky Carmichael
Girl, the only VCR I care about is a very cool rack. Slam it!
- 02:33
Minky Carmichael
And that's what? Just how it is?
- 02:39
Audience Member
Oh, hi, Minky. Hi. Um, here's my problem. So, I was flirting with this guy, and he gave me his number, but I never called him. Does that make me a bad person?
- 02:49
Minky Carmichael
Uh, yup. Slam it! I've never felt better in my life
- 03:02
Minky Carmichael
next
- 03:03
Jada
yes hi everyone I'm Jada
- 03:05
Minky Carmichael
oh no no
- 03:06
Jada
and I went on a date with Minky Carmichael
- 03:09
Minky Carmichael
Can we cut her mic?
- 03:10
Jada
Okay, and I gotta say, he had the worst penis I've ever seen.
- 03:14
Minky Carmichael
Yeah, cut her mic now, please.
- 03:16
Jada
I'm not trying to be mean, but it looked like an espresso cup.
- 03:21
Minky Carmichael
Man, she's crazy. That is not 100% true. Anyone else have a question?
- 03:26
Audience Member
Yeah, I have a question. What was so horrible about Minky's thing?
- 03:30
Jada
Okay, well, the length was okay. Just felt like there was nothing inside.
- 03:34
Audience Member
What do you mean by that?
- 03:36
Jada
Okay, like, at a certain point, he asked me, Do you want me to close it?
- 03:39
Minky Carmichael
Oh, no. Hold up. What was that? To close?
- 03:42
Jada
I don't know, but I would definitely describe it as open. Like, hollow. Like a piece of penne.
- 03:49
Audience Member
Yeah!
- 03:50
Jen Fonger-Bhang
Hey, hey, hey, Minky, sounds like you're packing the worm from Dune.
- 03:56
Minky Carmichael
You know what? L-Let me consult my, uh, uh, bull crap-detecting computer.
- 04:03
Jen Fonger-Bhang
Just hold that, Minky, because it looks like I'm getting it faxed. from Beep, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop.
- 04:09
Jen Fonger-Bhang
Beep, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop. Oh, my God, it's from the penis hospital. They say you need an emergency appointment. Slam it!
- 04:18
Minky Carmichael
No! No, no, I'm the one who slams it. You don't slam it.
- 04:22
Jen Fonger-Bhang
Ooh, ooh. I'm hearing from the producers that we are out of time and Cancel. which means I got go back and finish high school. Bye, y'all!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
