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Fire Marshal Bill: Home Safety

In Living Color1990Season 2Episode 14
In Living Color
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Fire Marshal Bill makes a house call during Fire Safety Week and tests every household hazard on himself.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

A family's evening at home is interrupted when a scorched, grinning Fire Marshal Bill turns up to inspect their house for National Fire Safety Week. Every risk he spots becomes a hands-on lesson gone wrong: Dad's pipe and a squirt of lighter fluid set the living room alight, an overloaded outlet and a fork send a jolt through him, and a far-fetched kitchen scenario about a sneeze, a gas range and a meteor ends with Bill striking a match. The house goes up in a fireball, the family stands outside wrapped in blankets, and a blackened Bill wanders off to show the neighbor what can happen to a wood shingle roof.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Let me show you something!

The trick is not to panic.

I've been hit by lightning 19 times.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

This sketch introduced Jim Carrey's Fire Marshal Bill, and its episode is listed under the title "Introducing... Fire Marshal Bill." The character went on to recur throughout the show's five seasons.

ScriptEnglish · 40 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Fighting broke out overnight between rival factions along the Israeli...

  2. 00:04

    Dad

    Honey! How's that roast coming along?

  3. 00:06

    Mom

    It's almost ready, dear.

  4. 00:10

    Son

    Gee, Dad, that sounds close.

  5. 00:12

    Daughter

    Dad, it's time.

  6. 00:15

    Son

    Dad, it stopped right in front of the house.

  7. 00:16

    Mom

    What's going on?

  8. 00:18

    Dad

    All right, everybody, let's all just calm down. I'll take care of this.

  9. 00:26

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Nice to meet you, folks. Fire Marshal Bell here.

  10. 00:30

    Dad

    Won't you come in?

  11. 00:32

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Don't mind if I do.

  12. 00:33

    Daughter

    Iron Man!

  13. 00:36

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    That's right, Princess. Say, I sure have a beautiful family here.

  14. 00:40

    Dad

    Why, thank you, Fire Marshal Bill. Now, how can we help you?

  15. 00:43

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Well, it's National Fire Safety Week. I've been going door to door looking for fire hazards. Mind if I give your place a little infection?

  16. 00:55

    Dad

    Please do.

  17. 00:57

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Son. Does your father always smoke a pipe?

  18. 01:01

    Son

    Yes, sir.

  19. 01:03

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Pipes, cigarettes, number one cause of domestic fires. Let me show you something.

  20. 01:09

    Dad

    Certainly.

  21. 01:11

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Now, say one night you're drifting off to sleep on the couch and the pipe falls out of your hand like that. Now you start dreaming that you're having a little barbecue, you pull out a can of lighter fluid... Boom! You're out of the laser!

  22. 01:26

    Fire!

  23. 01:28

    Son

    Come on, Dad.

  24. 01:29

    Oh, fire.

  25. 01:30

    Son

    Hey, Fire Marshal Bill, your finger's on fire!

  26. 01:33

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    That's nothing! I've caught fire so many times I can't even feel it anymore. The trick is not to panic. Fire is... flat.

  27. 01:44

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Uh-oh. look what I found down at the station we like to call this an octopus pull these up it becomes an exposed electrical outlet let's just say it's after dinner you've got a fork in your hand somebody says hey I've got a leg

  28. 02:05

    Dad

    where are fire marshal bill are you okay

  29. 02:16

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    you joking I've been hit by lightning 19 times Not really. I'm starting to enjoy it.

  30. 02:25

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Okay, everybody. Your Out to the kitchen.

  31. 02:32

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Now your kitchen area is an all too common locale. First time I spontaneously combusted was in a kitchen not unlike this one. It was one of those hot nights. I opened the fridge and poof! Went up like a powder cake. Think I knew how to drop and roll.

  32. 02:51

    Daughter

    Your hand's on fire!

  33. 02:54

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    So it is. That's a sure sign that your gas flow hasn't been calibrated properly.

  34. 02:59

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Say Now, say you got yourself a bit of a virus. You're looking for a box of tissue, but it's not there, and it's too late. Oh, shit! Next thing you know, your gas light goes out on your new gas range. Suddenly, your house is hit by a giant meteor storm that's totally unexpected. One of those hot little babies comes right through the kitchen window. You just happen to be holding a match.

  35. 03:28

    Dad

    Hey! You're not gonna like that, are you?

  36. 03:30

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Don't worry, folks. I have a fire barge.

  37. 03:33

    The fire everything we thing we had was in there.

  38. 03:53

    Come on folks, let's move on. It'll be alright. Just

  39. 03:58

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    They just keep building. keep building them higher, don't they?

  40. 04:05

    Fire Marshal Bill Burns

    Hey! Neighbor! Is that a Wuchingo roof you've got there? Let me show you something.

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