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Miss Swan: Phone Sex Operator (976-SWAN)
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
After hearing an advertisement for a premium-rate chat line, a nervous man calls and reaches Miss Swan at her salon. His requests for a glamorous description and an enticing fantasy lead to literal answers, arguments and an escalating bill.
When he demands another operator and then a supervisor, Swan changes her voice rather than transferring the call. She ends the conversation with a large charge, then effortlessly switches back to arranging a salon appointment.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
You look like a Buick?
They're long enough to touch the floor.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:08
Speaker 1
Hey, Stud, I've got some dirty little secrets I've got to tell somebody. Why not you?
- 00:14
Speaker 2
Call the number on your screen for a hot, raunchy, X-rated sex talk with one of our naughty foxes.
- 00:21
Speaker 1
So what are you waiting for? Call now.
- 00:29
We're down to the second line.
- 00:39
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was a 976 number.
- 00:43
Miss Swan
Okay, now hold on. Crazy Daddy Talk for you. You're gonna like it, mister.
- 00:58
Phone Sex Caller/Man
wow gee uh to tell you the truth i've never called one of these before so i'm a little i'm a little nervous
- 01:03
Miss Swan
okay don't you worry i'm gonna do everything okay you just sit back and enjoy the ride mr horny
- 01:10
Phone Sex Caller/Man
all right great
- 01:12
Miss Swan
okay i'm gonna turn you on
- 01:15
Phone Sex Caller/Man
all right go ahead
- 01:16
Miss Swan
okay you ready here goes oh okay that's it goodbye
- 01:25
Phone Sex Caller/Man
wait wait i don't mean to be rude but uh i'm I'm gonna need a little more than that.
- 01:31
Miss Swan
Okay, okay, I'll tell you everything.
- 01:33
Phone Sex Caller/Man
All right, well, you know what, why don't you tell me, do you look like a celebrity? Do you look like anyone famous?
- 01:39
Miss Swan
Okay, yeah, you know, all the time people tell me I look like a Buick.
- 01:43
Phone Sex Caller/Man
You look like a Buick?
- 01:46
Miss Swan
I look like a Buick, you know, the singer from Iceland.
- 01:51
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Forget about that. Why don't you tell me about your hooters? You got big boobs?
- 01:55
Miss Swan
Okay, yeah, you know, they are so big, Sometimes I cannot even stand up, you know?
- 02:01
Phone Sex Caller/Man
What?
- 02:02
Miss Swan
Oh, that's too big?
- 02:03
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Yeah, that's...
- 02:04
Miss Swan
Man, you know, not a big, a little, big, a little.
- 02:08
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Okay, well, which one are they? Are they big or are they little?
- 02:12
Miss Swan
Okay, you know, they're little, but they have a big, giant nipple.
- 02:22
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Okay, you know what? Forget about that. Why don't you just tell me about your legs? Are they nice and long?
- 02:26
Miss Swan
Yeah, they're long enough to touch the floor.
- 02:29
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Oh, ha, ha, ha, that's a good one. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. No, really, why don't you tell me about your legs? What do they look like?
- 02:34
Miss Swan
Will you tell me about your legs?
- 02:35
Phone Sex Caller/Man
No, tell me about your legs. What do they look like?
- 02:37
Miss Swan
No, you go.
- 02:37
Phone Sex Caller/Man
No, you, tell me.
- 02:38
Miss Swan
You go.
- 02:38
Phone Sex Caller/Man
No, tell me what your legs look like,
- 02:40
Miss Swan
yes. Why you treat me like a piece of meat?
- 02:43
Phone Sex Caller/Man
It's nothing to do with meat. I'm the one paying here. I'm paying for this.
- 02:46
Miss Swan
Oh, calm down, mister. It's only $19.95 a minute, mister cheap man.
- 02:51
Phone Sex Caller/Man
$19.95 a minute? Oh, my, it must be until like $60. Okay, lady, listen. Cut the small talk. let's get to the sexy stuff all right
- 02:58
Miss Swan
okay you know say sexy before
- 03:01
Phone Sex Caller/Man
i'm saying it now okay i need a fantasy here all right
- 03:05
Miss Swan
okay okay you come home it's late okay you're hot oh i'm so hot
- 03:13
Phone Sex Caller/Man
yeah yeah there you go
- 03:15
Miss Swan
oh i'm hot
- 03:16
Phone Sex Caller/Man
oh what's getting you so hot
- 03:18
Miss Swan
oh i have a heat rash from a cheap
- 03:23
Phone Sex Caller/Man
That's it, lady listen, I'm not paying 20 bucks a minute to hear about your problems. You put on another girl.
- 03:28
Miss Swan
Okay, hold on
- 03:32
Miss Swan
Hello
- 03:34
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Wait, wait a minute. Who's this?
- 03:35
Miss Swan
Another girl.
- 03:36
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Okay, you give me your supervisor
- 03:39
Miss Swan
Okay, hold on
- 03:44
Miss Swan
Hello supervisor.
- 03:45
Phone Sex Caller/Man
I know that's you. I know that's you. I want my money back.
- 03:48
Miss Swan
Okay. Thank you for calling $114 will be charged to your phone bill and you call again and you ask for swan
- 03:56
Phone Sex Caller/Man
Hey, what kind of a rip-off are you trying...
- 04:03
Miss Swan
Hello, foxy lady. Did I talk for you? I put everything in my mouth.
- 04:12
Miss Swan
Oh, Sister Helen, you need a pedicure? How about we do it any day but Sunday, cos that's no good for you.
- 04:22
Miss Swan
OK. OK, Ren.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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