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When Meegan Met Andre

Key & Peele 2015 Season 5 Episode 3

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

On a first date, Meegan's easygoing charm curdles into rage the moment the water takes too long.

Watch on YouTube

Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The funny people

Meet the cast. 2

Highly quotable.

Don't be sorry. Be better.

Do I look like Mel Gibson with a mullet?

In the industry, that's how we talk to each other.

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Andre and Meegan sit down at a diner for their first date, trading cheerful claims about how laid-back they both are. Then a waiter is slow with menus and water, and Meegan unleashes a stream of vicious threats at him. Andre is startled, and she insists that is just how people in restaurants talk to each other, demonstrating on the waiter again over a lipstick-smudged glass. When the waiter points out whose lipstick it is and Andre gently sides with him, Meegan storms out, leaving Andre and the waiter debating whether to return her jacket.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

Peter Atencio
Director

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

A flashback to Meegan and Andre's first date, shown in the S5E3 episode 'A Cappella Club'; Pop Thruster's episode review lists it as 'Diner Convo'.

ScriptEnglish · 78 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:02
Andre
God, the moment I saw you last night at the club, totally had to ask you out, yeah.
00:06
Meegan
Are you kidding me? Like, the moment?
00:08
Andre
Oh, yeah.
00:08
Meegan
That's so sweet.
00:10
Andre
I was actually afraid that you were gonna be, like, one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know?
00:15
Meegan
What?
00:16
Andre
Yeah, I don't know. Control freak, or I don't even know. I don't even know.
00:20
Meegan
Oh, my God, that's so funny. Isn't it? Is it funny? Is it funny?
00:24
Andre
Nah, I'm like, I totally just like to be just, like, easygoing.
00:28
Meegan
Yeah, yeah.
00:29
Speaker 1
I'm Wayne. I'll be your waiter.
00:30
Meegan
It's been five minutes, and we're just now getting our menus?
00:35
Speaker 1
Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37
Meegan
Don't be sorry. Be better.
00:41
Speaker 1
Right. Okay. I'll be better.
00:43
Meegan
At your job.
00:46
Andre
Thank you.
00:50
Meegan
So, yeah, my philosophy is pretty much, like, keep it chill.
00:53
Andre
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54
Meegan
You know what I like about you?
00:56
Andre
No. What?
00:57
Meegan
It's like you're not afraid to be, like, brainy and respectful.
01:01
Andre
Right. Thanks. I really like your boobs.
01:04
Meegan
I think we really complement each other well. Just did it right there, and I pretty much go with the flow
01:10
Meegan
What the is wrong with you?
01:14
Speaker 1
Excuse me?
01:15
Meegan
Do I look like Mad Max to you?
01:18
Speaker 1
I'm sorry.
01:19
Meegan
Do I look like Mel Gibson with a mullet?
01:23
Speaker 1
No, not at all.
01:24
Meegan
Does he look like a feral child with a boomerang in his hand?
01:28
Speaker 1
No.
01:29
Meegan
Then why the is water a rare commodity here?
01:32
Speaker 1
It's not, it's not, I'm just, uh, I'm sorry, I'm just really slammed.
01:37
Meegan
No, you'll know when you're slammed because your nuts will be on the table and my fists will be covered in your blood.
01:42
Andre
You Um, you were, uh, kinda harsh to that guy.
01:57
Meegan
Oh, him?
01:58
Andre
Yeah.
01:58
Meegan
No, I was a hostess at a restaurant. In the industry, that's how we talk to each other. I'll show you. Hey!
02:05
Speaker 1
Uh, hey.
02:06
Meegan
What do you see there?
02:10
Speaker 1
That's your water.
02:11
Meegan
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Down.
02:13
Speaker 1
Down?
02:13
Meegan
Down, boy. On your knees.
02:16
Speaker 1
OK, I have other tables that I have.
02:18
Meegan
What does that look like to you?
02:20
Speaker 1
Yes, there's a little lipstick on your glass.
02:22
Meegan
OK.
02:23
Speaker 1
But it's
02:24
Andre
your, it's your.
02:24
Meegan
This is what I want you to do. I want you to take this glass in the back. I want you to break it. Take the biggest shard you can find and bring it to me.
02:33
Speaker 1
I'm.
02:34
Meegan
Then I want to slit your gullet.
02:37
Speaker 1
All right. I'm just, I'll get you another water
02:39
Meegan
I'm going to slit your throat and watch you bleed out. And I'm going to shower in your blood.
02:44
Speaker 1
All right. I'll get another water.
02:46
Meegan
Well, that would be great. Thank you. But as I was saying, like, I just feel like it's, like, do unto others
02:54
Andre
Meegan! It was your lipstick on the glass.
02:58
Meegan
What the hell is that? What are you doing?
03:04
Andre
Wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no.
03:06
Meegan
Oh, my god. Let me just tell you, no one's ever talked to me like that in my life.
03:15
Andre
I was just saying that your lipstick was...
03:16
Meegan
You have his back? Who does that?
03:21
Andre
It was your lipstick on the glass. He's just a waiter.
03:26
Meegan
You know what? Take his side. I hope you have a very happy life together.
03:32
Andre
Meegan! What's going on right now? What are you doing? Seriously, Meegan.
03:45
Meegan
No! No!
03:47
Andre
You left your jacket! Hey! You left your jacket!
03:51
Speaker 1
Hey. Don't do it.
03:55
Andre
Man, I just hurt her feelings and then she left her jacket. Least I could do is get her back her jacket.
03:59
Speaker 1
Don't do it.
04:00
Andre
She needs the jacket.
04:01
Speaker 1
She does not need it. It's 87 degrees out. You know she doesn't need it in your heart of hearts. You know she doesn't need that jacket. Don't do it.
04:08
Andre
I think she's going to need her jacket.
04:12
Speaker 1
No, she's not going to need it.
04:12
Andre
Meegan, you need your jacket, though! You
04:18
Speaker 1
You seem like a nice guy.