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Pizza Order

Key & Peele2012Season 2Episode 5
Key & Peele
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A lonely collector orders a feast of pizzas while pretending to host a party, until the clerk on the line falls for one of his imaginary guests.

Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Wendell Sanders phones Mario's Pizza and orders pie after pie with pineapple and cheesy crust, pausing to poll a roomful of party guests who turn out to be the fantasy figurines arranged around him in his dim living room. When he mentions that a guest named Claire approved of the crust, clerk Carlos grows curious about her. Wendell tries to put him off with crude boasts about Claire, his own conquests and an imaginary perfect girlfriend, but Carlos answers with a sincere speech about destiny and their shared moment over the crust. Cornered, Wendell abruptly claims Claire has been shot through the window, leaving Carlos screaming in anguish while Wendell calmly decides to order Chinese food instead.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 2

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

You know what? Let me gauge the room.

Body, ten. Face, ten.

Oh, my God! Claire just got shot!

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

This sketch is the first appearance of Jordan Peele's recurring character Wendell Sanders, who later returned in sketches such as "The Power of Wings" and "Sex Addict Wendell." Pop Thruster ranked it second among all 351 Key & Peele sketches.

ScriptEnglish · 39 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:03

    Carlos

    Hello, thanks for calling Mario's Pizza. This is Carlos speaking.

  2. 00:07

    Wendell Sanders

    Hello. We would like a large pie with pepperoni pineapple and cheesy crust.

  3. 00:16

    Carlos

    Large pepperoni with pineapple and cheesy crust.

  4. 00:19

    Wendell Sanders

    We would also like a large pie with bacon pineapple and cheesy crust.

  5. 00:27

    Carlos

    Large bacon pineapple with cheesy crust. Okay, is that going to complete your order, sir?

  6. 00:31

    Wendell Sanders

    You know what? Let me gauge the room. Uh, guys, are we gonna want another pizza? Let me just... Who's hungry? Show of hands. Let me see them. One, two, three. Keep them up. Four, five, six.

  7. 00:44

    Carlos

    Ah, having a party.

  8. 00:45

    Wendell Sanders

    Yep, pretty big one, too. Come on, guys, keep them up. Hugo, Summer, hands, food. You know what? Let's play it safe. Let's get another pie. Over here. Ham.

  9. 00:57

    Carlos

    Oh, you guys are gonna need cheesy crust on the third.

  10. 01:00

    Wendell Sanders

    Good question. I'll gauge the room. Hey, guys, do we want Cheesy Crust on the third? Okay, yeesh. That is a resounding yes for Cheesy Crust on the third. Claire says you read her mind.

  11. 01:14

    Carlos

    Claire, huh? I like that name.

  12. 01:16

    Wendell Sanders

    It's a good one. Oh, also, my boy Andy over here is saying you have something called chicken poppers?

  13. 01:23

    Carlos

    Is she cute?

  14. 01:24

    Wendell Sanders

    Uh, who's that and what now?

  15. 01:25

    Carlos

    Claire.

  16. 01:26

    Wendell Sanders

    Oh. Her body's like a fork. Anyway, we would also...

  17. 01:33

    Carlos

    I-I... you mean?

  18. 01:38

    Wendell Sanders

    Let's just say she's kind of a big girl.

  19. 01:40

    Carlos

    That's all good. That's all superficial, man. I like Claire for what's inside.

  20. 01:44

    Wendell Sanders

    Don't even know Claire.

  21. 01:45

    Carlos

    Yo, but for real, though, I feel like I do know Claire, man. Put me on the phone with her.

  22. 01:52

    Wendell Sanders

    Uh... You don't need to speak to Claire.

  23. 01:56

    Carlos

    No, I do.

  24. 02:00

    Wendell Sanders

    You know what? I got a level with you, man. I... her.

  25. 02:06

    Carlos

    Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get in between you guys.

  26. 02:11

    Wendell Sanders

    No, it's quite all right. It was a while ago before she blimped up. My current girlfriends live, body tan, face tan. But anyway, Claire, yeah, I hit that sexually. And as did my boy Hugo. Hell, even Bubba got some of that. So, just wanted you to know, used goods, used goods.

  27. 02:41

    Carlos

    So you wouldn't care if I asked her out?

  28. 02:45

    Wendell Sanders

    Well, let me do it for you. Hey, Claire, this guy from the pizza place wants to date you too, poor. All right, I'll let him down easy.

  29. 02:52

    Carlos

    Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no. Tell her that, no, I'm not a rich man, but I'm a good man. Tell her,

  30. 03:02

    Carlos

    Claire, I believe in destiny. And I believe that we've always known that our soulmate was out there the moment that we had that unspoken connection about the cheesy crust I Realized that you were always the one because

  31. 03:19

    Carlos

    And I know this sounds corny but that moment was just like simple. Simple you

  32. 03:36

    Wendell Sanders

    Wow, you really do care about Claire.

  33. 03:39

    Carlos

    I do

  34. 03:42

    Carlos

    What

  35. 03:45

    Wendell Sanders

    no, I just came through the window and there was a bull in the air and a cop, Oh, Claire's down. She's dead. She's dead.

  36. 03:52

    I'm calling the cops.

  37. 03:53

    Wendell Sanders

    she's dead.

  38. 03:53

    Carlos

    No!

  39. 04:03

    Wendell Sanders

    Chinese, Chinese it is.

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