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The Grapist

The Whitest Kids U'Know2009Season 3Episode 14
The Whitest Kids U'KnowWKUK
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A boardroom screening of a kids' soda commercial goes sideways when one executive notices that the grape mascot's catchphrase sounds an awful lot like a threat of sexual assault.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Executives gather to review a new commercial for Fizzy-Pops Grape Blast, whose mascot is a man in a purple grape-cluster costume called the Grapist who bursts into children's bedrooms promising to grape them. One executive (Zach Cregger) nervously points out that the slogan sounds like a rape threat, but the man presenting the campaign (Trevor Moore) waves the concern away as a dirty mind and keeps rolling the footage. Every new scene, from a child tied to a radiator to kids fleeing in terror, makes the subtext harder to ignore, while the presenter grows more defensive and even blames a little girl's purple outfit. The executives agree to buy the campaign anyway, just as the final cut adds a free grape whistle and the Grapist's plan to work through the whole family in the basement.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Sir! Get your mind out of the gutter. He's a grape. How is a grape gonna rape a kid?

Come here, kid! I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you!

I'm gonna take your whole family down to the basement and grape you all for decades and decades and decades.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

ScriptEnglish · 65 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:09

    The Grapist

    You You kids look like you could use a delicious fruity beverage!

  2. 00:13

    Who are you?

  3. 00:14

    The Grapist

    Might I suggest Fizzy Pop's Grape Blast, the new soda from Johnson & Hedges. Open wide, kids, because I'm going to grape you in the mouth!

  4. 00:23

    Advertising Executive

    he's He's going to what them in the mouth?

  5. 00:33

    Head of Boardroom

    He's going to grape them.

  6. 00:34

    Advertising Executive

    He's going to grape them?

  7. 00:36

    Head of Boardroom

    Yeah, in the mouth.

  8. 00:39

    Advertising Executive

    Right. Sure.

  9. 00:41

    Head of Boardroom

    There's more.

  10. 00:42

    Advertising Executive

    No, I'm sorry. All right, well, I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the catchphrase, I'm gonna grape you in the mouth for our new mascot. I mean...

  11. 00:53

    Boardroom Member

    We're just not sure about that one.

  12. 00:55

    Boardroom Member

    Yeah, we might want to workshop it a touch.

  13. 00:57

    Head of Boardroom

    Really? Why? That's his thing. He grapes people. He grapes people in the mouth.

  14. 01:03

    Advertising Executive

    We're just not exactly sure that that is...

  15. 01:05

    Head of Boardroom

    He sneaks into little kids' rooms in the middle of the night, and he grapes them in the mouth.

  16. 01:11

    Advertising Executive

    Okay, see, because I think that the reason The reason that I'm a little hesitant is because to me, it sounds like he's saying, to me it sounds like he's saying, he's going to rape them.

  17. 01:25

    Head of Boardroom

    What?

  18. 01:26

    Oh. Oh. No. No, no, no, no, no. What? Oh. I'm sorry.

  19. 01:32

    Head of Boardroom

    Sir, get your mind out of the gutter. He's a grape. How is a grape going to rape a kid? What are you talking about?

  20. 01:42

    Advertising Executive

    But it sounds like...

  21. 01:43

    Head of Boardroom

    It's a grape commercial, sir.

  22. 01:45

    Boardroom Member

    I love it! He, like, grapes the kids!

  23. 01:48

    Advertising Executive

    Okay, I mean, if I'm the minority here, we can... keep going.

  24. 01:55

    The Grapist

    Come here, kids! I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you!

  25. 02:00

    Advertising Executive

    Okay.

  26. 02:00

    Head of Boardroom

    What? Why'd you stop it?

  27. 02:02

    Advertising Executive

    I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you?

  28. 02:06

    Head of Boardroom

    What?

  29. 02:07

    Advertising Executive

    I'm going to rape you!

  30. 02:08

    Head of Boardroom

    Huh? No!

  31. 02:09

    Advertising Executive

    That's what it sounds like he's saying!

  32. 02:11

    Boardroom Member

    I love it.

  33. 02:12

    Head of Boardroom

    Really? Are you back on this rape thing again?

  34. 02:15

    Advertising Executive

    Why was he going to tie them to a radiator?

  35. 02:17

    Head of Boardroom

    That's how he grapes people. That's what he does.

  36. 02:21

    Advertising Executive

    No!

  37. 02:21

    Head of Boardroom

    He's the Grapist.

  38. 02:23

    Advertising Executive

    The Grapist? That's his name?

  39. 02:26

    Boardroom Member

    The Grapist, classic.

  40. 02:27

    Advertising Executive

    This is obviously a rape scenario.

  41. 02:30

    Head of Boardroom

    What? Why are you trying to twist a children's soda commercial into your weird, sick, sort of twisted, pervy...

  42. 02:39

    Advertising Executive

    Why were they running? Why was that child screaming, Mom?

  43. 02:42

    Head of Boardroom

    Well, that kid is a horrible actor, and the next time we shoot the commercial, we're gonna use somebody else, because the thing is...

  44. 02:48

    Advertising Executive

    These kids were obviously horrified.

  45. 02:50

    Head of Boardroom

    Not that girl. Look, she's totally asking for it.

  46. 02:53

    Advertising Executive

    What?

  47. 02:54

    Head of Boardroom

    Look at her. She's begging to get graped.

  48. 02:58

    Advertising Executive

    Will you listen to yourself?

  49. 03:00

    Head of Boardroom

    Look what she's wearing.

  50. 03:02

    Advertising Executive

    Look what she's wearing?

  51. 03:05

    Head of Boardroom

    It's purple.

  52. 03:08

    Advertising Executive

    Oh. Okay. Okay.

  53. 03:09

    Boardroom Member

    No! No! No! Grape those kids! I love it!

  54. 03:13

    Head of Boardroom

    Look, do you guys want the commercial or not?

  55. 03:15

    Boardroom Member

    Yes, we want the commercial. Of course we want the commercial.

  56. 03:18

    Boardroom Member

    We want it.

  57. 03:19

    Head of Boardroom

    Here's the paperwork.

  58. 03:20

    Advertising Executive

    I just have some serious reservations about this whole thing.

  59. 03:23

    Head of Boardroom

    Do you mind?

  60. 03:23

    Advertising Executive

    No, not at all.

  61. 03:25

    The Grapist

    Buy some today and get a free grape whistle.

  62. 03:29

    Advertising Executive

    A grape whistle? Really?

  63. 03:31

    The Grapist

    Okay, when I finish graping you, I'm gonna go upstairs and I'm gonna grape your mother and your father, and then I'm gonna take your whole family down to the basement and graped it all for decades and decades and decades.

  64. 03:41

    Advertising Executive

    See, I think this is too much. I think it's too much.

  65. 03:44

    Boardroom Member

    Shh.

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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