You're tuned to the good stuff
Blue Whale Dick
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a cut from the fake family sitcom The McLaughlins, a mother stirring a pot is interrupted by her teenage son Michael, who has a blue whale's genitalia surgically attached to his head. She insists he take it off, he insists it is permanent, and she grounds him while complaining that all the other kids' mothers allow this sort of thing. His friend Caleb then arrives with giraffe lips in place of his own, which the mother finds just as appalling. The boys defend their choices, the mother lectures them about endangered animals, and the dad walks in to take his wife's side before the show cuts to its title card.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It's surgically grafted. It's not going anywhere.
You have such a nice face, Michael.
Honestly, you know those things are endangered.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
and now back to the mclaughlin
- 00:04
Speaker 1
wait Wait a minute i wanted to be an artist stir Stir, stir stir stir stir
- 00:27
Michael McLaughlin
hey mom
- 00:28
Speaker 1
hey michael you want to hold your horses there
- 00:32
Michael McLaughlin
what
- 00:33
Speaker 1
did you do something different there
- 00:35
Michael McLaughlin
what what
- 00:36
Speaker 1
is that what is what ma what is that on your head michael mclaughlin
- 00:41
Michael McLaughlin
it's a blue whale dick
- 00:42
Speaker 1
i hope it's a temporary blue whale dick
- 00:45
Michael McLaughlin
no it's permanent
- 00:46
Speaker 1
oh my god
- 00:47
Michael McLaughlin
I knew you were gonna be lame about this
- 00:51
Speaker 1
well you're gonna go right back to the mall and have them take it off
- 00:53
Michael McLaughlin
no I'm not mom it's surgically grafted it's not going anywhere
- 00:57
Speaker 1
then you are grounded young man why would you want a blue whale penis surgically grafted to your head you have such a nice face Michael
- 01:04
Michael McLaughlin
you don't know the first thing about being cool all the other kids moms let them do stuff like this
- 01:08
Speaker 1
well all the other kids are not us okay?
- 01:12
Michael McLaughlin
God,
- 01:16
Speaker 1
Oh, my God, did you just get whale juice all over my kitchen floor?
- 01:19
Michael McLaughlin
Yeah.
- 01:20
Speaker 1
Is that thing functional?
- 01:21
Michael McLaughlin
Yeah, it's functional. It was expensive. Shut up.
- 01:26
Caleb Matthews
What's up, Mrs. McLaughlin? Hey, Michael, you ready to go?
- 01:30
Speaker 1
Caleb Matthews, what is that on your face?
- 01:34
Caleb Matthews
I have my lips replaced with a sideways giraffe vagina.
- 01:37
Speaker 1
And does your mother know about this?
- 01:38
Caleb Matthews
Yeah, she thinks it's pretty far out. See?
- 01:41
Speaker 1
You're gonna feel pretty silly when you're both 70 years old and still have have animal genitalia on your faces.
- 01:46
Michael McLaughlin
No, we won't. When we're 70, we'll love them even more.
- 01:49
Speaker 1
A blue whale penis. Honestly, you know those things are endangered.
- 01:53
Michael McLaughlin
Oh my God, you're such a hypocrite. How much gas does your SUV use?
- 01:57
Speaker 1
This is not about the Suburban. Richard, did you see this?
- 02:01
Speaker 2
Don't give your mom shit about her SUV. It makes her happy.
- 02:06
Speaker 2
Oh. Oh man, another baby giraffe? Come Did that just come out of your mouth?
- 02:18
Caleb Matthews
Yes, it just came out of my mouth. They're functional. These things are expensive.
- 02:23
Michael McLaughlin
I told you that, Mom!
- 02:25
Shut up! Bitch! Sorry.
- 02:28
The The McLaughlins will be right back.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
