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Chicken Lady
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Max Davis (Dave Foley) arrives for a date arranged through the personals and meets the Chicken Lady (Mark McKinney), a half-woman, half-hen who flings him into her apartment. She shows off photos of her hen mother and farmer father, offers him a drink from the toilet and makes aggressive advances while he politely tries to leave. When she proudly serves an omelette made from an egg she has just laid, Max runs out, and she promptly phones for a paid companion instead.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I love life. Do you love life?
I love to eat my gravel and grubs.
Straight out of my body and onto your plate.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Fan episode guides list this sketch as Chicken Lady Blind Date. The Chicken Lady returned in several later sketches, as late as season 5.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:10
Max Davis
It's me Max Davis. I answered your ad in the personals. We have a date tonight.
- 00:14
Chicken Lady
Oh, yeah. Are you my dad?
- 00:16
Max Davis
Yes, I am I Said it was max.
- 00:34
Chicken Lady
Oh, yeah
- 00:34
Max Davis
No So you're uh, not from Toronto well What are you a chicken lady?
- 01:06
Chicken Lady
Yeah, and I love life. Do you love life?
- 01:09
Max Davis
Oh, yeah
- 01:09
Chicken Lady
I thought you might because I put that in my personal Latin Chicken lady loves life.
- 01:15
Max Davis
Gee, I never took that literally. I never really...
- 01:17
Chicken Lady
No?
- 01:19
Max Davis
Never really took chicken lady literally.
- 01:23
Chicken Lady
Oh, you're not too bright.
- 01:24
Max Davis
No.
- 01:25
Chicken Lady
Just the way I like them.
- 01:39
They say you ain't never...
- 01:42
Max Davis
Papa was a rolling stone, huh?
- 01:53
Chicken Lady
Oh? Yeah, all the other guys are usually a lot bigger. But I got tired of paying for it. Couldn't make my rent this month.
- 02:02
Max Davis
Well, I guess it adds up.
- 02:03
Chicken Lady
Because it adds up.
- 02:04
Max Davis
Yeah, it adds up.
- 02:07
Chicken Lady
So, do you like the place?
- 02:09
Max Davis
Oh, yeah, sure, it's really nice. I can't stay.
- 02:12
Chicken Lady
Sure you can! Oh, what is it you do?
- 02:21
Max Davis
I'm a banker.
- 02:22
Chicken Lady
God, you must be thirsty. Beer? Would you like to just drink out of the toilet?
- 02:30
Max Davis
A beer.
- 02:31
Chicken Lady
Okay, serve yourself.
- 02:45
Max Davis
Oh, no, thank you.
- 02:49
Chicken Lady
Oh, really? All the other kids tease me.
- 02:52
Max Davis
Well, imagine that.
- 02:53
Chicken Lady
If you want to stay in my good books, don't call me a bird brain.
- 02:57
Chicken Lady
If you want to stay in my good books,
- 02:59
what you do?
- 03:08
Chicken Lady
Gravel and grubs. Gravel and grubs. I love to eat my gravel and grubs.
- 03:13
Chicken Lady
What if I figured you might not like bugs?
- 03:30
Max Davis
Oh, thank you.
- 03:31
Chicken Lady
Cut it!
- 03:40
Max Davis
Cut.
- 03:40
Chicken Lady
Of course, because they're fresh, straight out of my body and onto your plate.
- 04:11
Chicken Lady
I'll say, that's a nice hunk you got there. Mine ran away.
- 04:15
Chicken Lady
I like him a lot.
- 04:35
Chicken Lady
Send him up.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
