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The Policemen: The Bill
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A helmeted constable and a community support officer in a peaked cap stroll down a suburban street. When the junior man hums the theme tune of a long-running police series, the constable bristles and delivers a fussy lecture on how that programme's opening credits worked, drifting into a squabble over what counts as sexism and whether the support officer has an institution to be sexist about. He then settles on the real grievance: the television pair were both actors, whereas on this street only one man is pretending to be police and only one of them has the power to send the other to prison. Pleased with that distinction, the constable exercises it with petty zeal and orders his colleague to go and find the nearest jail.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Two pairs of police officer shoes.
You haven't got an institution, or not one that anyone cares about.
Go to prison. Find the nearest prison and go to it.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Community Support Officer
Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
- 00:05
Police Officer
Is that the theme tune to the bill you're humming?
- 00:08
Community Support Officer
Yeah, this is a bit like it.
- 00:11
Police Officer
How dare you? The old opening credits of the bill featured the feet of two police officers. Two pairs of police officer shoes. Not one pair of police shoes and some flippers, or one pair of police shoes and some espadrilles, or wellies or the hind legs of a cat it was a policeman and a policewoman walking along and you're not even a policewoman that's a bit sexist least it's institutional sexism you said it it would just be sexism you haven't got an institution or not one that
- 00:46
Police Officer
anyone cares about did you see Britain's most senior community support officer on the news last night
- 00:52
Community Support Officer
no
- 00:53
Police Officer
neither did I don't think think of it I'm wrong about why this isn't like the old opening credits of the bill because in reality that was two people who were pretending to be police officers whereas here we just have one person pretending to be a police officer and one person who actually is I'm not saying I'm a proper policeman that's a good job because that's a very serious crime which I could send you to prison only one of us could send the other one to prison
- 01:23
Police Officer
can you remember which way way round it is let me help go to prison go on piss off go to prison find the nearest prison and go to it I won't knock on the door and say I've sent you to prison and you to stay there
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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