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Watch the Football!
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A presenter strides around an empty football stadium, turning ordinary fixtures into supposedly historic confrontations. His urgent sales pitch keeps expanding the schedule until every match seems momentous and the coverage threatens to last forever. Rapid cuts, match footage and increasingly strained appeals expose the machinery behind the excitement.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
The football is officially going on forever!
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Sports Presenter
Tomorrow night on Sky Sports 4, it's the clash of the south coast as the irresistible force of Portsmouth meet the immovable object of Southampton in a clash that's going to go down in history as one of the many football matches that are happening this weekend.
- 00:14
Sports Presenter
Meanwhile, there are old scores to be settled at the Dell. Scores like 1-0 and 2-all that have happened in previous years. Who will win this time between Sunderland and Blackburn?
- 00:25
Sports Presenter
Then on Sunday, live, the battle for the north-west Let Shrewsbury meet Macclesfield in a match already being described as on this Sunday.
- 00:35
Sports Presenter
Coming up mid-week, the Giants of Charlton play host to the Titans of Ipswich, making the both seem normal-sized.
- 00:42
Sports Presenter
Then Tottenham play Bolton for the second time this season to see who'll win that.
- 00:46
Sports Presenter
Also, Manchester United return to Aston Villa for a game of football to determine the victors for this year at least, and indeed at most.
- 00:55
Sports Presenter
Looking ahead to March, every football team will be playing football several times and in various combinations. And you can catch all of that football here, where we'll be showing all the football all the time.
- 01:06
Sports Presenter
Catch all of the constantly happening football here. It's all here and it's all football always. It is impossible to keep track of all the football, but your best chance is here.
- 01:16
Sports Presenter
Thousands and thousands of hours of football, each more climactic than the last. Constant, dizzying, 24-hour, year-long, endless football. Every kick of it massively mattering to someone, presumably.
- 01:27
Sports Presenter
Watch it all, all here, all the time, forever. It will never stop. The football is officially going on forever.
- 01:33
Sports Presenter
It will never be finally decided who has won the football. There is still everything to play for and forever to play it in.
- 01:41
Sports Presenter
So that's the football coming up. Watch it. Watch the football. Watch it. Watch it. It's going to move. Watch the football. It's football!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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