Lord and Lady Douchebag

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:10

   Lord Worcestershire

   what a splendid party I do believe every one of any importance is in England is here tonight

2. 00:16

   Speaker 2

   hmm who would miss a party given by Lord Salisbury

3. 00:19

   Speaker 1

   Lord and Lady lady Wilkinson

4. 00:24

   Lord Worcestershire

   what a What marvelous entertainment Salisbury and these chopped steaks are delicious especially with this exquisite mushroom sauce well

5. 00:39
   

   Lord Salisbury

   thank you coming from you West to share that certainly is a compliment Oh,

6. 00:43

   Lord Worcestershire

   Lord and Lady Wilkinson, welcome Tell me, Wilkinson, what the deuce is the purpose of two swords?

7. 00:50
   

   Lord Wilkinson

   Ah, these. It's quite simple, really. Say you are my attacker. My first blade stands you up straight, my second clips you neatly at the ankles.

8. 00:59

   Lady Wilkinson

   And there's Lady Wilkinson for attacking your opponent's underarms and legs.

9. 01:06
   

   Lord Wilkinson

   You know, that's a terrific gift idea. It certainly is. If you'll excuse us for a moment. Well, pleasant.

10. 01:14

    Speaker 1

    A sandwich.

11. 01:19

    Speaker 2

    Your Your Lordship. Have Carlyle? you seen Lord Cardigan here?

12. 01:29

    Lord Worcestershire

    I understand he was turned away at the door.

13. 01:31

    Speaker 2

    Lord Cardigan? How odd. I saw Lord Ascot here. He got in.

14. 01:37

    Lord Worcestershire

    Well, he wasn't properly attired. Evidently, he came in a sweater.

15. 01:40

    Speaker 1

    the Duke and Duchess of Argyle

16. 01:53

    Speaker 3

    You you know, Sandwich, I've been meaning to ask you, were the Sandwich Islands named after your family?

17. 02:05
    

    Earl of Sandwich

    No, everyone asks me that, but I'm afraid nothing's ever been named after a member of my family

18. 02:12

    Chambers

    Excuse me, Lordship, would you care for one of Lord Salisbury's steaks?

19. 02:15
    

    Earl of Sandwich

    Oh yes, I would. Could you bring it to me with a couple of slices of pumpernickel, please?

20. 02:19

    Chambers

    Of course you could.

21. 02:22

    Speaker 1

    Lord Lord and lady, douchebag!

22. 02:31
    

    Lord Salisbury

    And I am so frightfully glad you two could come. I was just asking Lady Salisbury, where the devil are those douchebags?

23. 02:47
    

    Lord Salisbury

    It's been impossible to get him out of his workshop. He's been working day and night. You douchebag? Well, I wasn't aware that you dabbled in that sort of thing. tell me what in heaven's name are you working on well

24. 02:58

    Lord Douchebag

    I'd be happy to tell you but perhaps after you've finished eating well

25. 03:02
    

    Lord Salisbury

    here's Chambers right now Chambers get Lord and Lady Douchebag something to eat

26. 03:07

    Lord Douchebag

    oh no no thank you I'm not very hungry a plate of raw vegetables would be fine

27. 03:12

    Chambers

    would you like a dressing on that

28. 03:14

    Lady Douchebag

    just some vinegar and water thank you

29. 03:20
    

    Earl of Sandwich

    Douchebag how are you I haven't seen you in the house of Lords in ages don't tell Tell me, for the first time in memory, we're going to have a parliament without a douchebag.

30. 03:33

    Lord Douchebag

    My dear Sandwich, parliament has always had its share of douchebags and always will.

31. 03:40
    

    Lord Salisbury

    Spoken like a true douchebag. I've often heard the king say of your family, and yours as well, give me a sandwich and a douchebag and there is nothing I cannot do.

32. 03:51
    

    Lord Salisbury

    Hey, tell me, douchebag, when are you going to show us that invention of yours?

33. 03:55
    

    Earl of Sandwich

    Yes, douchebag, just what kind of an invention are you setting on?

34. 04:05

    Lord Douchebag

    It's a long story, why don't we go out into the garden and I'll explain it to you

35. 04:11
    

    Lord Salisbury

    Tell me, did Lady Douchebag help you in the project?

36. 04:14

    Lord Douchebag

    Help? Why, she was the inspiration

37. 04:17
    

    Lord Salisbury

    There we go.

38. 04:22

    Speaker 1

    Lord, Lord Compost Heap and his niece Lady Disinfectant Cake Lord and Lady Disinfectant Cake much.