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Stefon on Halloween's Hottest Tips
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On Weekend Update, Seth Meyers asks city correspondent Stefon for Halloween suggestions in New York. Stefon pitches Jelly Bones, a club patrolled by homeless robot cops, and when Seth asks for something traditional, his hour-by-hour account of the night starts with him waking up at 7 p.m. His big party pick, in an abandoned whitefish factory in Little Israel, features a Jewish Dracula whose plain name leaves Hader struggling to keep a straight face, along with a bar snack of raisins shaped like Frasier and a crude human piñata. A request for a wholesome ghost story turns into an innuendo about Slimer, and the segment ends with Seth agreeing to pick Stefon up from the garbage can he calls home.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Ghosts, ghouls, goblins, my son.
Have some Frasians, raisins that look like Frasier.
If you understood, you wouldn't want it to stop.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Stefon co-creator John Mulaney often changed jokes at the last minute, and the Jewish Dracula name Sidney Applebaum caught Bill Hader off guard; Hader later told Howard Stern the moment stopped the show for about a minute.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Weekend Update Anchor
Well in New York, which means millions of tourists will be heading here to see what fun the Big Apple has to offer Here was some tips on what they should check out is our city correspondent Stefan
- 00:30
Hi. Hi.
- 00:31
Stefon
I'm Stefan.
- 00:32
Weekend Update Anchor
Yeah, I know Okay, so Stefan Halloween always a big deal in New York So why don't you tell us about some of the best spots for people to check out?
- 00:41
Stefon
Yes, if you need to get a spot checked out, I know just the place for you New York's hottest club is jelly bones located on the lower upper side this random home invasion is a creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabbana as you walk in you'll be handed a glass of champagne or is it piss needless to say this place has everything slurpees mush mouths litter bugs and don't worry about security because it's guarded by an army of of hobo cops.
- 01:19
Weekend Update Anchor
Hobo cops.
- 01:20
Stefon
Homeless robo cops.
- 01:22
Weekend Update Anchor
Okay, yeah. Look, Stefan, that sounds like kind of a heavy duty scene. I was, you know, just looking for something more traditional. You know, maybe this would help keep it on track. Why don't you walk us through what you will do on Halloween?
- 01:37
Stefon
What I do on Halloween? Starting when?
- 01:41
Weekend Update Anchor
I don't know, let's say seven at night.
- 01:43
Stefon
Seven PM, okay. Okay, so I wake up, I go home, I take a shower. Now my dog, Bark Ruffalo, probably hasn't eaten yet, so I need to feed him.
- 02:08
Weekend Update Anchor
Yeah, but where will you go when you go out?
- 02:11
Stefon
Oh, right, I'll tell you where. New York's hottest Halloween party is located in an abandoned white fish factory in little Israel. This place is gonna have everything. Ghosts, ghouls, goblins, my son. And on the dance floor, you'll find both guys from Wham! wearing a two-man horse costume. Spoiler alert, they're both in the back. Plus, there's a special guest. Have you heard of Blackula the Black Dracula?
- 03:05
Weekend Update Anchor
Yes.
- 03:08
Stefon
Well, they have a Jewish Dracula.
- 03:10
Weekend Update Anchor
Oh, what's his name?
- 03:12
Stefon
Sidney Applebaum. For a healthy snack, hit the bar and have some Frasians. Raisins that look like Frasier. Or try your luck with the human piñata.
- 03:47
Weekend Update Anchor
And what is the human piñata?
- 03:51
Stefon
It's that thing of when a Mexican midget eats a lot of candy and then he dances until he throws up.
- 04:00
Weekend Update Anchor
You know, Stefan, I think midget is actually an outdated term.
- 04:05
Stefon
Sorry, not midget. Fun size.
- 04:07
Weekend Update Anchor
Nice. Stefan, I was looking for something more wholesome for Halloween, you know, a haunted house or a place to hear ghost stories.
- 04:22
Stefon
Oh, I know a story with a ghost in it.
- 04:24
Weekend Update Anchor
Is it a Halloween related story?
- 04:26
Stefon
Yes, ma'am.
- 04:26
Weekend Update Anchor
Okay.
- 04:27
Stefon
Can I have the lights down, please? Ooh, long, long, long, long time ago. Like say, six minutes ago. There was once an old house, and in that house there lived an old gay man that people called Slimer.
- 04:46
Weekend Update Anchor
Why did they call him Slimer?
- 04:48
Stefon
Well, if you recall in the film Ghostbusters, Slimer was able to hold, shall we say, multiple hot dogs in his mouth at one time.
- 04:56
Weekend Update Anchor
Oh, I understand and stop. I understand and stop.
- 04:59
Stefon
If you understood, you wouldn't want it to stop.
- 05:01
Weekend Update Anchor
I do understand and I do want it to stop. I do understand and I do want it to stop.
- 05:05
Stefon
I understand, you don't understand.
- 05:07
Weekend Update Anchor
No, I fully understand. Now, I know that you've tried your best, Stefan, and I just want to thank you for sharing those Halloween tips, buddy.
- 05:14
Stefon
Wait, don't you want to hang out on Halloween?
- 05:15
Weekend Update Anchor
You know what, I do. I'll pick you up at seven. Where do you live?
- 05:18
Stefon
You know the Radio Shack at 23rd and 7th?
- 05:20
Weekend Update Anchor
Yes.
- 05:21
Stefon
I live in a garbage can.
- 05:22
Weekend Update Anchor
Step on, everybody. For Weekend Update, I'm Seth Meyers. Good night.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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