You're tuned to the good stuff
Spishak: Yule Blazers
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A family is fed up with tangled, burned-out tree lights when a Spishak salesman in a radiation suit arrives with a better idea: Yule Blazers, a plutonium-powered string that needs no batteries or electricity and glows a brilliant green. He cheerfully explains that the company harvests its raw material from the New Jersey shoreline and hand-shapes it into circles and slightly larger circles. The parents are charmed, but a time jump to Christmas Eve shows the household steadily wilting under the glow: the mother and grandmother turn grey and ghoulish, the father doubles over, and the little girl is collapsed among the presents. The salesman, unbothered, returns to announce that the lights are still going strong.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
and then you can enjoy Yule Blazers, the plutonium-based Christmas light.
such as circles and slightly larger circles.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Father
Let there be light.
- 00:07
Speaker 1
Look at the pretty lights. Those are beautiful, Mom.
- 00:14
Grandma
Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Son of a bitch. This crap with the damn lights happens every year.
- 00:23
Mother
There's got to be a better Christmas way. Why can't there be a Christmas tree light that lasts a lifetime but doesn't use batteries or electricity and is really bright?
- 00:33
Spishak Spokesman
Well, now there... It can be powered by radioactive material... Well, now... and be a brilliant green color. Well, now there is.
- 00:39
Mother
Really? How can that be? Ow! We're under attack by robots!
- 00:45
Spishak Spokesman
No, ma'am, I'm from Spishak. I'm here to install your new Christmas lights. Say hello to Yule Blazers.
- 00:52
Grandma
My eyes!
- 00:53
Spishak Spokesman
They'll adjust within minutes, and then you can enjoy Yule Blazers, the plutonium-based Christmas light.
- 00:59
Father
Plutonium, huh?
- 01:00
Mother
Come on, honey, it sounds elegant.
- 01:03
Spishak Spokesman
It is. Spishak geologists harvest high-quality plutonium from the scenic New Jersey coastline. light, the toxic raw materials then handcrafted into festive Christmas shapes, such as circles and slightly larger circles. No electricity, no batteries, just pure Christmas fun.
- 01:19
Mother
This is going to be our best Christmas ever. And the brightest. Just look at those lights.
- 01:26
Father
Son of a bitch.
- 01:28
Father
I tell you then, Spishak, Yule Blazers are still going strong.
- 02:00
Mother
Honey, would you like soap in your present? That's it. Look what Santa Claus brought for How Oops.
- 02:15
Mother
I think
- 02:16
Spishak Spokesman
is your family enjoying Yule Blazers?
- 02:23
Father
It's great. It's great.
- 02:33
Spishak Spokesman
Yule Blazers are circles of holiday fun, and they're made from plutonium You'll be a satisfied Christmas Yule Blazer when you buy Everlasting Yule Blazers
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
