You're tuned to the good stuff
Holiday Pageant
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At the Sweetwater Community Center, two judges struggle through a round of Christmas-pageant auditions. Caleb arrives with his cousin Monty, who is allowed to accompany him on the triangle but forbidden to sing. Caleb launches into an elaborate holiday number, then berates Monty for missing his tiny cue. His grand confidence crumbles into pleading when the judges try to end the audition. A second attempt ends in another tantrum, and Caleb abandons his partner. Monty finally gets permission to sing, removes his costume vest and steps through the dismantled set as Paul McCartney. The upload continues into Wonderful Christmastime, performed with McCartney’s band and a children’s choir.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm assuming you read music.
Best of luck to your solo career.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:04
Reggie
So this year you be the stuffin', and I'll be the Christmas goose. Thank Goose! Ah!
- 00:13
Cecily Strong
Yes! Thank you, Reggie, but I don't think that's the song we're looking for to end our Sweetwater Community Center Christmas pageant.
- 00:22
Reggie
Well, can I have a reason?
- 00:24
Jason Sudeikis
Well, for one, it's confusing. You know, I mean, if you're the goose and she's the stuffing, does that mean she's shoved inside of you?
- 00:30
Reggie
Well, I do not know, because I didn't give it any thought.
- 00:34
Cecily Strong
Well, we appreciate your efforts.
- 00:36
Reggie
And I appreciate them as well.
- 00:39
Jason Sudeikis
Oh, boy. Okay, who's next?
- 00:42
Cecily Strong
Oh, that is the singing duo Caleb and Monty.
- 00:45
Mm.
- 00:46
Caleb
Hello. I am... Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. I am Caleb, and this is Monty. But a quick correction. We are not a singing duo. I am the singer, and Monty plays the triangle.
- 01:04
Caleb
Which is for the best, because you don't want to hear monty sing
- 01:09
Monty
i like to sing
- 01:12
Caleb
be quiet just stop it now be quiet right now you are not to sing today you are only here because we are cousins through marriage now do you remember your cue
- 01:24
Monty
yes
- 01:25
Caleb
excellent this song is an original composition called holiday time holiday And there you go. I'm assuming you read music.
- 01:38
Caleb
Two, three, four. Holiday time Holiday cheer Holiday where Holiday here It's my favorite time of the year I'm on a train, it's my favorite time of the year And I'll be playin' and slayin' and foolin' about And I'll be snappin' and rappin' and havin' a shout And when you hear a ding-a-ling-a-ling That is when I hear a ding-a-ling That's your cue, Monty When I go ding-a-ling-a-ling You hit the triangle when I say that Ding-a-ling
- 02:21
Caleb
-a-ling Now... Okay Not... Can you do it?
- 02:26
No
- 02:27
Caleb
Good, very good
- 02:28
Monty
Can I sing?
- 02:29
Caleb
No! No! No, you don't sing, because you can't sing. If you could sing, then you'd sing, but you can't sing.
- 02:42
Caleb
I have the million dollar voice and you are a lump.
- 02:48
Caleb
I'm going to take it from the top if I might.
- 02:51
Jason Sudeikis
Or, you know, we could just tell you right now we're not gonna use your song, you know.
- 02:54
Caleb
Oh please, I need this, I need it so bad. And when the ding-a-ling happens in the right place, it's one heck of a song sir it really is
- 03:05
Cecily Strong
okay fine fine you can do it again
- 03:08
Caleb
thank you thank you so much two three four holiday time what are you doing you moron
- 03:20
Monty
i want to sing
- 03:21
Caleb
you want to sing you want to sing this is the way you treat me is that right after everything i did for you do you know where i found him when we were supposed to be rehearsing he was stuck in a tree tree.
- 03:35
Monty
I was chasing a bird.
- 03:37
Caleb
I hate you, Monty. I hate you so much. I quit. I quit.
- 03:44
Cecily Strong
Best of luck to your solo career.
- 03:48
Monty
Can I sing now?
- 03:54
Cecily Strong
You can sing.
- 04:19
Paul McCartney
The mood is right, spirit's up We're here tonight, that's enough Simply have a wonderful Christmas time Simply have a wonderful Christmas time The party's on, the feeling's here having a wonderful Christmas time Simply having a wonderful Christmas time The world is out, about to chow So lift the glass and go on down We're simply having a wonderful Christmas time having a wonderful Christmas time.
- 06:14
Paul McCartney
While our children sing their song, they practice all year long.
- 06:25
Speaker 1
Ding, dong, ding, dong, ding, dong, ding. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
- 06:40
Paul McCartney
The party's on The feeling's here The army comes Oh, this time of year We're simply having A wonderful Christmas time We're simply having A wonderful Christmas time We're simply having a wonderful Christmas time Simply having a wonderful Christmas time
- 07:23
Speaker 1
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh time
- 08:08
We'll be right back.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
