Evil Boss

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:03
   

   Mr. Tarkanian

   And we offer full benefits and three weeks paid vacation.

2. 00:06
   

   Curt

   Oh, three weeks. Wow.

3. 00:08
   

   Mr. Tarkanian

   Yeah. I'm not going to lie to you, Kurt. You're very high on our list. And we want you to work here very much. So what do you think?

4. 00:16
   

   Curt

   I think I want the job.

5. 00:19
   

   Mr. Tarkanian

   Fantastic. Oh, excellent. Great. So we'll give you a passkey and assign you a desk and a parking space.

6. 00:26

   Employee

   Excuse me, Mr. Tarkanian.

7. 00:28
   

   Mr. Tarkanian

   Why are you interrupting me?

8. 00:30

   Employee

   Well, I just thought that you...

9. 00:31
   

   Mr. Tarkanian

   You thought? You thought? You do not interrupt me when I am busy. Do you understand me? I don't know what you to pull this amateur bull crap, all right? I am a professional. Do you hear me? Do you understand me?

10. 00:44

    Employee

    Yes, Mr. Charkanian.

11. 00:50
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    So you should probably go to personnel and get started on your paperwork.

12. 00:55
    

    Curt

    What was that about them?

13. 00:57
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    Oh, oh, I'm sorry you had to see that. She can be a real bitch. hey your timing is perfect we're having the company barbecue next month I hope you like barbecue

14. 01:07
    

    Curt

    I enjoy barbecue quite a bit actually

15. 01:09
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    good

16. 01:11

    Employee

    here you go mr. Tarkin Ian the new copies finished

17. 01:13
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    okay you know what I don't know if I would have done this you do not hand in crap like this this looks like you took a crap or a dump in the printer you are scum I should fire I'll fire you and burn down your friggin' house! I am this close to raping you! I'm sorry. Office politics. Sometimes I think this place is like Ally McBeal.

18. 01:51
    

    Curt

    Is this how you deal with your employees? I'm not sure I want to work in this kind of environment.

19. 02:00
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    Hold on a second, hold on a second.

20. 02:01

    Employee

    A car accident? Oh my god, is he okay?

21. 02:04
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    Hey! Hey! Not on my watch! Okay, no personal phone calls all right I should smack you in the mouth use the company time to talk to your disgusting whore friends no you do not do this you do not

22. 02:19
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    hey just uh just taking care of some some business uh you want to go out for a beer and celebrate

23. 02:34
    

    Curt

    I don't think I don't think I want to work here

24. 02:36
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    really what's wrong hey hey

25. 02:40

    Employee

    what is it mr. Tarkanian

26. 02:42
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    oh thank you that's exactly the response I'm looking for get up you crazy black man I will make you drink my piss anyone in this office take a run at me I'm actually gonna murder you

27. 03:19
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    sorry to keep you waiting uh let's get you logged onto your computer

28. 04:11
    

    Curt

    you are a terrible terrible terrible man

29. 04:14
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    well I'm a stickler and uh we take a lot of pride around here it's not easy running the best well the fourth best in-flight magazine in the business

30. 04:26
    

    Curt

    I really don't think I want to work here thank you

31. 04:29
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    well that's a real shame that article you wrote for Continental about Peter Fox favorite restaurants in San Francisco really turned some heads around here

32. 04:35
    

    Curt

    you just murdered one of your employees with a trident

33. 04:38
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    you know what just work here okay take some time to weigh the pros and cons pros here be working for a slightly above in-flight magazine for 22 for a year cons me kicking you till there's blood in your stool and then grabbing your wife's boobies while you're tied up with a racquetball shoved in your mouth. Now balance it out.

34. 05:05
    

    Curt

    I just don't think I want to work here.

35. 05:08
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    Fair enough, yeah. Ordinarily I'd whip your nuts with a car antenna for that kind of attitude. But you thought about it and you don't want to work here.

36. 05:16
    

    Mr. Tarkanian

    Hey! You get back here!