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Fire Marshal Bill - Space Station Safety

In Living Color 1992 Season 3 Episode 29

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Fire Marshal Bill talks his way aboard a futuristic U.N. space station for a safety inspection and, as always, demonstrates every hazard on himself until nothing is left of the station.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

In the year 2005, the crew of a United Nations space station finds Fire Marshal Bill drifting outside the viewing screen and lets him in for a surprise safety inspection. He freezes his own hand in the crew's liquid-nitrogen experiment and attacks it with a hammer, gulps down a jar of captive aliens until one bursts out of his chest, and hits a high note that shatters a window and sucks a crewman out into space. Spotting the self-destruct sequencer, he starts the countdown to show how easily an accident could happen, then cannot find the right override key. The survivors flee on a shuttle as the station explodes, only for a scorched Bill to send the shuttle toward the sun.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Highly quotable.

That's what they said when I inspected the Titanic.

I've had more parasites living off me than Eddie Murphy.

They can put a man on the moon, but they can't protect us from ourselves.

ScriptEnglish · 46 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:06
Woman Space Cadet
How is How is it going, Dr. Ito?
00:09
Dr. Etor
Wonderful. Another few days collecting data, and we'll have the cure for cancer.
00:14
Speaker 1
Something's showing up on the radar. Looks like it's right outside the ship.
00:18
Dr. Etor
Viewing screen.
00:24
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Hi, honey, folks Power Marshal Bill here. You know, you anti-gravity geeks are due for a little safety investigation.
00:53
Dr. Etor
Well, let me be the first to welcome you aboard.
00:57
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Thank you, son. That's a nice mustache you've got there. had one like it myself then one day i put my cigar in backwards and boom violent one up like a tanger box
01:08
Dr. Etor
but i don't smoke
01:09
Woman Space Cadet
none of us do and i'm sure you will find that our ship is the safest outpost in the galaxy
01:15
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
that's what they said when i inspected the titanic but i shot them different unsinkable my good eye what's What's going on over here princess leia
01:31
Woman Space Cadet
It is a refrigeration experiment. We're freezing these produce with liquid nitrogen.
01:38
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Oh, that's fine and dandy. But remember, in space, no one can hear you scream. Let's just say you're getting ready to freeze some veggies, and you mistake your hand for a stalk of celery.
01:56
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, butter, come on.
02:02
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Then you go to hang your autographed picture of Chewbacca, and the next thing you know, the The Iceman cometh!
02:15
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tch tch tch tch!
02:19
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Gee! That demonstration left me a little parched.
02:24
Woman Space Cadet
The Don't drink that! jar contains aliens!
02:30
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
So so that's how they're getting over the border. I Come on out and show me your green card!
02:41
Dr. Etor
Oh, my God! One of them is missing!
02:44
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Hmm. I wonder where it could be.
02:47
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
He's don't touch him he's got my eyes!
03:02
Dr. Etor
Are Are you all right?
03:06
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Are you joking? I've had more parasites living off me than Eddie Murphy.
03:13
Man Space Cadet
Alien There's an alien roaming free! on board!
03:20
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Stinkin' or roaming free? How come these seats don't have safety belts?
03:25
Man Space Cadet
We don't need them. This ship is perfectly safe.
03:28
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
I beg to differ, Buck Rogers! What if one of your fellow astronauts is a frustrated soprano? He's in the shower, he breaks into a high note from Figaro...
03:37
girl but
03:55
Woman Space Cadet
We've lost Dr. Jones!
03:57
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
we've learned a valuable lesson my Buckle up for safety!
04:03
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
I'm in my branch work
04:05
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
is that a self-destruct sequencer when was the last time you had that baby tested you know a gadget like that can be handy but it can also lead to a very unpleasant demise
04:20
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
let's just say you're sleepwalking one night in your dream when darth vader just told you he's your father naturally you're completely suicidal. And you program the computer to start the final countdown. Like so.
04:35
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Oops.
04:36
Speaker 2
the You station will self-destruct in 20 seconds
04:44
Dr. Etor
you idiot everyone into the second
04:48
Speaker 2
please remain calm he is a fire marshal
04:52
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
thank you hal you see, Hal knows that all I have to do is use the main computer override key.
05:01
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Now if I can only remember which one it is.
05:09
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Not that one. Wrong again! Wrong again. Oh yeah. This is it!
05:20
Dr. Etor
A lifetime of what? Gone. All gone.
05:33
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
They can put a man on the moon, but they can't protect us from ourselves.
05:38
Of
05:44
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Feels good down the sun on my face Of course, I'd rather have my face on the sun.
05:50
Fire Marshal Bill Burns
Hey! Let me show you something!
05:53
No!