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Your Name, Sir?
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A police sergeant tries to record Derek Nippl-e’s details, but the man insists his surname is pronounced as the noise of a lighter hitting the counter. Spelling it out only gives them another reason to disagree.
His address requires a short dance and a slap across the sergeant’s face. The officer checks his notes by performing increasingly violent versions of the address, eventually reaching for a cricket bat. The injured man abandons the scene to complain as an actor, leaving his partner to address the audience.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It's as it sounds.
He's just a child, really.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Stephen Fry
Writer
Hugh Laurie
Writer
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Police Sergeant
The vehicle does belong to you, does it, sir?
- 00:01
Derek Nippl-e
Yes.
- 00:03
Police Sergeant
Were you driving it at the time?
- 00:05
Derek Nippl-e
Yes, I was, yes.
- 00:06
Police Sergeant
All right. Just have your name, please, sir.
- 00:08
Derek Nippl-e
Right, sir. Hold on a second. Ready?
- 00:12
Police Sergeant
Yes.
- 00:12
Derek Nippl-e
My name is Derek.
- 00:20
Police Sergeant
What are you doing?
- 00:22
Derek Nippl-e
That's my name.
- 00:23
Police Sergeant
What is?
- 00:24
Derek Nippl-e
This. Derek.
- 00:29
Police Sergeant
What?
- 00:31
Derek Nippl-e
Derek.
- 00:33
Police Sergeant
Is your name?
- 00:34
Derek Nippl-e
Yes.
- 00:36
Police Sergeant
What kind of name is that?
- 00:37
Derek Nippl-e
Well, it's my name.
- 00:39
Police Sergeant
A bit unusual, isn't it, Mr...?
- 00:45
Derek Nippl-e
If I had a pound for every time someone had said that to me...
- 00:48
Police Sergeant
Um, how do you spell... Mr...?
- 00:54
Derek Nippl-e
It's as it sounds.
- 00:57
Police Sergeant
Yeah, but if you wouldn't mind spelling it for me...
- 00:59
Derek Nippl-e
Well, I mean, can't you...?
- 01:00
Police Sergeant
I would be very grateful if you would spell it for me.
- 01:02
Derek Nippl-e
All right, then. N-I-P-P-L-hyphen-E.
- 01:15
Police Sergeant
nipple
- 01:15
Derek Nippl-e
beg your pardon
- 01:16
Police Sergeant
nipple
- 01:17
Derek Nippl-e
nipple where what are you talking about
- 01:20
Police Sergeant
n-i-p-p-l-e hyphen e hyphen e my book spells nipple
- 01:27
Derek Nippl-e
it does not spell have you gone mad what are you talking about i thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit you can't even spell
- 01:39
Police Sergeant
all right mr nipple if i can have your address please
- 01:45
Derek Nippl-e
You're talking to me?
- 01:46
Police Sergeant
Yes.
- 01:47
Derek Nippl-e
You want to know my address?
- 01:48
Police Sergeant
Yes, please.
- 01:49
Derek Nippl-e
Or do you want to know Mr. Nipple's address?
- 01:52
Police Sergeant
Your address, please.
- 01:53
Derek Nippl-e
My address, right. My address is number 22.
- 02:00
Police Sergeant
Watch it.
- 02:01
Derek Nippl-e
What?
- 02:01
Police Sergeant
Just watch it.
- 02:02
Derek Nippl-e
Watch what, for heaven's sake?
- 02:03
Police Sergeant
Do you realise that assaulting a police officer is a very serious offence?
- 02:06
Derek Nippl-e
Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very serious. But giving your address to a policeman, on the other hand, probably isn't so serious. Or is it? Perhaps the law's changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen whenever they're asked.
- 02:20
Police Sergeant
All right, all right. Let's just check this with you, shall we, Mr...?
- 02:25
Derek Nippl-e
Yes?
- 02:26
Police Sergeant
Your address is 22...
- 02:34
Derek Nippl-e
Oh, no, no! What's the matter with you? It's 22... Kings Lynn.
- 02:41
Police Sergeant
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was 22... Kings Lynn.
- 02:47
Derek Nippl-e
Well, it isn't!
- 02:48
Police Sergeant
It's not going to be in handwriting.
- 02:51
Derek Nippl-e
Well, get a typewriter.
- 02:53
Police Sergeant
Well, if only we could afford a typewriter, sir. Do you know, it's funny, from some angles, it looks like 22 Kingsling.
- 03:06
Hugh Laurie
That was too...
- 03:09
Police Sergeant
Yeah, well, like you say, sir, we should get a typewriter.
- 03:13
Hugh Laurie
That was too hard.
- 03:15
Police Sergeant
Well, you must admit, difficult address to get the hang of, isn't it?
- 03:18
Hugh Laurie
Never mind the frigging sketch, that was too hard, that really hurt.
- 03:21
Stephen Fry
Oh, please don't. He's just a child, really.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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