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Halloween Classroom Costumes
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
An elementary teacher greets her pupils one at a time as they arrive in Halloween costumes. Jacob, dressed as a pirate, answers her friendly hello with a torrent of obscenities and is sent to the principal, protesting that pirates talk that way. Brian, a cowboy, does the same, threatens her, and is caught swigging from a flask, all defended as cowboy behaviour. Forewarned that no costume excuses swearing, Taylor the clown stays perfectly polite, yet he too is ordered out for an obscene act, insisting that it is simply what clowns do.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
And then the witch flew away and died. The end.
I'm a goddamn cowboy and I'll talk any fucking way I please.
What? I'm a clown!
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Episode guides list this sketch as "Halloweiner". The official full-episode upload bleeps the profanity that is audible in the original broadcast clip.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Teacher
And then the witch flew away and died. The end.
- 00:05
Teacher
Why, hello, Jacob. Happy Halloween. I see we're dressed up like a little pirate this morning.
- 00:10
Pirate
That's right. Now all you fucking buttfuckers better clean my deck.
- 00:15
Teacher
Jacob, go to the principal's office.
- 00:17
Pirate
What the fuck for, you fucking bitch?
- 00:19
Teacher
You do not talk like that in school.
- 00:22
Pirate
I'm a fucking pirate.
- 00:23
Teacher
Go to the principal.
- 00:25
Pirate
Shit.
- 00:25
Teacher
Good morning, Brian. Happy Halloween, partner. What brings you to town?
- 00:34
Cowboy
Well, I've been out on the range for a fortnight and I thought I would stop into town to buy some pussy and feed my horse.
- 00:42
Teacher
Brian, we do not use that kind of language!
- 00:45
Cowboy
I'm a goddamn cowboy and I'll talk any fucking way I please. Now you better watch out before I fuck you up your fat fucking ass.
- 00:52
Teacher
Go to the principal's office, Brian!
- 00:54
Cowboy
Suck my dick!
- 00:55
Teacher
Are you drinking? Go! Now!
- 00:58
Cowboy
I'm a fucking cowboy!
- 01:00
Teacher
Go!
- 01:01
Cowboy
Shit!
- 01:01
Teacher
Hello Taylor, now before you say anything, I want you to know that just because it's Halloween does not mean that you're allowed to curse or swear no matter what your costume is.
- 01:15
Clown
Okay.
- 01:18
Teacher
Now, that's a very nice outfit you have on.
- 01:20
Clown
Thanks.
- 01:22
Teacher
Taylor! Go to the principal!
- 01:24
Clown
What? I'm a clown!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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