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NYPD Blue: Cursed

Mad TV2001Season 7Episode 6
Mad TV
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

In a spoof of NYPD Blue, Andy Sipowicz warns his eager new partner that everyone close to him comes to a terrible end.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

After a mock recap of last week’s episode, gruff Detective Andy Sipowicz meets his new partner, Detective John Clark Jr., and flatly informs him that he is cursed. He works backwards through an ever more ridiculous roll call of lost partners and loved ones, from the ones taken by gunfire and a heart infection to one mauled by sharks and one launched out of a cannon, while two colleagues in the squad room egg him on to mention his brother, who napped on an erupting volcano, and his cat, who died in a clothes dryer. Clark refuses to believe in curses and insists on joining him, and moments later a filing cabinet topples over and crushes him.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 2

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

My partner before that, fired. From his job? From a cannon.

Yeah, too bad he was sleeping on Mount St. Helens when it blew.

I want in. I don’t believe in curses.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Guest star Mark-Paul Gosselaar reprises Detective John Clark Jr., the NYPD Blue role he began playing in 2001.

ScriptEnglish · 67 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Previously on NYPD Blue.

  2. 00:04

    Andy Sipowicz

    I got IAB barking up my ass from ballistics. There's nothing yet. I'm ready to walk as Demartino's perp. So bite me, asshead.

  3. 00:13

    John Clark Jr.

    Looking for Detective Andy Sipowitz.

  4. 00:15

    Andy Sipowicz

    Who is?

  5. 00:16

    John Clark Jr.

    I am.

  6. 00:17

    Andy Sipowicz

    That right. You a guy?

  7. 00:19

    John Clark Jr.

    Could be.

  8. 00:20

    Andy Sipowicz

    Who are you?

  9. 00:21

    John Clark Jr.

    Your new partner, Detective John Clark Jr.

  10. 00:24

    Andy Sipowicz

    That's so.

  11. 00:25

    John Clark Jr.

    You got a problem with that?

  12. 00:26

    Andy Sipowicz

    Could be.

  13. 00:28

    John Clark Jr.

    How so?

  14. 00:28

    Andy Sipowicz

    I'm cursed.

  15. 00:29

    John Clark Jr.

    Who isn't?

  16. 00:30

    Andy Sipowicz

    No joke, I'm cursed.

  17. 00:31

    John Clark Jr.

    What do you mean?

  18. 00:32

    Andy Sipowicz

    My last partner, Danny Sorensen.

  19. 00:34

    John Clark Jr.

    Yeah?

  20. 00:35

    Andy Sipowicz

    Screwed a stripper, then disappeared.

  21. 00:37

    John Clark Jr.

    I've seen worse.

  22. 00:38

    Andy Sipowicz

    My partner before that, Bobby Simone.

  23. 00:40

    John Clark Jr.

    Uh-huh.

  24. 00:40

    Andy Sipowicz

    Best partner I ever had.

  25. 00:42

    John Clark Jr.

    So I've heard.

  26. 00:43

    Andy Sipowicz

    Died of a fatal heart infection. That same year, my eldest son, Andy J., gone.

  27. 00:47

    John Clark Jr.

    Shot?

  28. 00:48

    Andy Sipowicz

    Dead. My wife, Sylvia, gone.

  29. 00:49

    John Clark Jr.

    Shot?

  30. 00:50

    Andy Sipowicz

    Dead. My partner, John Kelly, gone.

  31. 00:52

    John Clark Jr.

    Shot?

  32. 00:52

    Andy Sipowicz

    Nah. Transferred.

  33. 00:54

    John Clark Jr.

    Stop. But you're not cursed, you're a cop.

  34. 00:57

    Andy Sipowicz

    I ain't even finished. My partner before that, attacked.

  35. 01:00

    John Clark Jr.

    Gangs?

  36. 01:01

    Andy Sipowicz

    Sharks. My partner before that, fired.

  37. 01:04

    John Clark Jr.

    From his job?

  38. 01:05

    Andy Sipowicz

    From a cannon. My partner before that, burned, stabbed, poisoned, and hanged.

  39. 01:12

    Andy Sipowicz

    Recovered. Then, fell in a well.

  40. 01:15

    Tell him about your brother?

  41. 01:16

    Andy Sipowicz

    Forgot.

  42. 01:17

    John Clark Jr.

    What happened?

  43. 01:18

    Andy Sipowicz

    Forget it.

  44. 01:18

    John Clark Jr.

    Spill it.

  45. 01:19

    Andy Sipowicz

    Nothing. He died in his sleep.

  46. 01:20

    Yeah, too bad he was sleeping on Mount St. Helens when it blew.

  47. 01:23

    Andy Sipowicz

    Uh-huh.

  48. 01:24

    That's nothing.

  49. 01:25

    Ask him about his cat.

  50. 01:26

    John Clark Jr.

    What about him?

  51. 01:27

    Andy Sipowicz

    Her. Taffy. A calico. Best bet I ever had.

  52. 01:30

    John Clark Jr.

    So I've heard what happened.

  53. 01:33

    Andy Sipowicz

    Dried to death.

  54. 01:34

    John Clark Jr.

    Excuse me?

  55. 01:34

    Andy Sipowicz

    Took a nap on a load of clothes. In a Maytag.

  56. 01:37

    John Clark Jr.

    What cycle?

  57. 01:38

    Andy Sipowicz

    Cottons.

  58. 01:39

    John Clark Jr.

    I'm sorry.

  59. 01:42

    Andy Sipowicz

    Like I said, I'm cursed.

  60. 01:43

    John Clark Jr.

    Sure are.

  61. 01:44

    Boy, is he.

  62. 01:45

    Andy Sipowicz

    Shut up. Get out.

  63. 01:50

    Andy Sipowicz

    Last chance to speak if you want out.

  64. 01:52

    John Clark Jr.

    I want in. I don't believe in curses.

  65. 01:59

    Andy Sipowicz

    Welcome aboard.

  66. 02:00

    Andy Sipowicz

    born.

  67. 02:08

    Andy Sipowicz

    Best partner I never had.

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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