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Ronald Reagan

The Whitest Kids U'Know2009Season 3Episode 14
The Whitest Kids U'KnowWKUK
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A president who only wants to talk about movies with his fans is the unwitting target of a would-be assassin, who is being coaxed into the plot by a talking dog.

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Community rating

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The premise

Here’s the bit.

Set in Washington in March 1981, the sketch follows a president surrounded by admirers who keeps steering every question back to his favorite films, to the despair of his handlers. Nearby, a dim young man in a blue shirt wavers over whether to shoot him, until a talking mechanical dog on his doorstep talks him back into the plan, while a bickering pair in a surveillance van reveals who is really operating it. The scheme keeps derailing into arguments about scary movies and, ultimately, a promise about a famous actress, with on-screen fun facts commenting on the history throughout.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

I think I might do a pretty mean Han Solo impersonation.

Finding a talking dog on your doorstep one morning and not doing everything it tells you to do.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

ScriptEnglish · 74 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:02

    Speaker 1

    Hi!

  2. 00:03

    Ronald Reagan

    Hi.

  3. 00:04

    Speaker 1

    Hello, Ronald Reagan. Nice to meet you. Mr. Reagan, I'm your biggest fan. I love that movie where you get drunk with a monkey.

  4. 00:11

    Ronald Reagan

    Bless you. Thank you.

  5. 00:13

    Speaker 1

    Mr. Reagan, now that you're president, are you still going to make movies?

  6. 00:16

    Speaker 2

    The president will be very busy serving the country. I don't think I have any time to make any movies.

  7. 00:20

    Ronald Reagan

    I don't know about that. I don't know.

  8. 00:23

    Speaker 1

    Yeah, you're the best, Mr. Reagan.

  9. 00:25

    Speaker 2

    Okay, I'm really sorry, everybody, but the president has to go, okay?

  10. 00:28

    Speaker 1

    President Reagan, have you seen any movies that you've liked recently?

  11. 00:32

    Ronald Reagan

    Well...

  12. 00:32

    Speaker 2

    Okay, again, I'm really sorry, we've got to be on our way, all right?

  13. 00:34

    Ronald Reagan

    Well, hold on now, I'm talking about the movies. Now... I quite like those Star Wars movies.

  14. 00:40

    Speaker 2

    Okay, Mr. President, we have a very important meeting to go to, so...

  15. 00:43

    Speaker 1

    Mr. President, would you consider being in one of those Star Wars movies?

  16. 00:46

    Speaker 2

    Okay, the President's not going to be in any Star Wars movies.

  17. 00:49

    Ronald Reagan

    Now, hold on... I... I think I might do a pretty mean Han Solo impersonation. Watch it, Chewie! There's stormtroopers around!

  18. 00:58

    Speaker 2

    Mr. President, we have a very important meeting about how to stop the unprecedented rise in AIDS this decade.

  19. 01:04

    Ronald Reagan

    Oh, fuck all that shit! I'm talking about the movie!

  20. 01:06

    Speaker 1

    Yeah! Movie! Movie! Movie!

  21. 01:17

    Speaker 2

    Ah, jeez.

  22. 01:18

    John Hinckley Jr.

    I don't know, Mr. Benji. There sure are an awful lot of people around him. They're probably all gonna be hoppin' mad if I go and shoot the President of the United States.

  23. 01:29

    George H. W. Bush

    What? Nah.

  24. 01:32

    John Hinckley Jr.

    No, they will! They totally will! They'll be plenty mad. Then they'll probably all chase me down and beat me up or something.

  25. 01:41

    George H. W. Bush

    No, they won't. People don't like to get involved. They'll probably just think it was something between you and him. They'll be like, whoa, not my business.

  26. 01:50

    John Hinckley Jr.

    I don't know. I'm starting to think I'm a crazy person for even considering something like this. You?

  27. 01:57

    George H. W. Bush

    John Hinckley? Crazy? Don't be ridiculous. Let me tell you what would be crazy. Finding a talking dog on your doorstep one morning and not doing everything it tells you to do.

  28. 02:08

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Yeah, I guess you're right.

  29. 02:10

    George H. W. Bush

    Of course I'm right. Now don't be a crazy person and go and shoot the president in the fucking face!

  30. 02:18

    Speaker 3

    I think he's buying it, Vice President George Bush!

  31. 02:21

    George H. W. Bush

    Shhh! Come on, really? Why the hell would you say that?

  32. 02:24

    Speaker 3

    Sorry about that, sir.

  33. 02:25

    George H. W. Bush

    You said my name and title! It sounded so unnatural!

  34. 02:29

    Speaker 3

    So sorry, sir. I think he's buying it, Vice President George H.W. Bush, who lives in Washington, D.C. Sorry, sir.

  35. 02:39

    George H. W. Bush

    You're a CIA agent, for Christ's sake.

  36. 02:42

    Speaker 3

    So sorry.

  37. 02:43

    George H. W. Bush

    Shut up! Don't say sorry!

  38. 02:45

    Speaker 3

    My B.

  39. 02:46

    George H. W. Bush

    Stop it!

  40. 02:47

    Speaker 3

    Sorry about that.

  41. 02:47

    George H. W. Bush

    Stop saying sorry! Don't even say sorry! Just stop talking!

  42. 02:53

    Speaker 3

    Sorry.

  43. 02:53

    George H. W. Bush

    Stop! Why don't you just read out my entire Social Security number while you're at it, Jesus!

  44. 02:59

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Doggie, why do you have two voices?

  45. 03:02

    George H. W. Bush

    Nothing, I'm just possessed with demons, like in The Exorcist.

  46. 03:07

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Oh, my God! That movie is so scary! The first time I saw it, I couldn't watch a little girl sleeping in a bed for months.

  47. 03:19

    George H. W. Bush

    Yeah, it was really scary. Now, come on, let's do this shit.

  48. 03:22

    John Hinckley Jr.

    You know what a really scary movie is? Have you ever seen Rosemary's Baby?

  49. 03:27

    George H. W. Bush

    No, John, let's stay focused.

  50. 03:29

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Oh my God, Doggie, you have to see it.

  51. 03:32

    Speaker 2

    Okay, Mr. President, we got this budget meeting that we really gotta...

  52. 03:39

    Ronald Reagan

    That was my Chewbacca impression.

  53. 03:44

    Speaker 1

    Mr. Reagan, what are you going to do about the Soviets?

  54. 03:47

    Ronald Reagan

    Oh, well, I think I'll tell everyone that they're like the Empire. That way, nobody will like them.

  55. 03:59

    Speaker 1

    Yeah!

  56. 04:01

    Ronald Reagan

    And then I'll tell NASA to build its own Star Wars weapons.

  57. 04:07

    Speaker 1

    Yeah!

  58. 04:09

    Speaker 1

    Mr. President, are we getting a Death Star?

  59. 04:14

    Ronald Reagan

    Oh, we're getting a Death Star!

  60. 04:16

    Speaker 1

    Yeah!

  61. 04:18

    John Hinckley Jr.

    And then the shark comes up and the lady's all like... and it was so scary.

  62. 04:28

    George H. W. Bush

    I don't care, John. Listen to me, John.

  63. 04:31

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Like, seriously, top three times scared ever.

  64. 04:34

    George H. W. Bush

    Hey, do you want to know what this is from?

  65. 04:36

    John Hinckley Jr.

    No, I don't. Are you talking to me?

  66. 04:38

    George H. W. Bush

    No, because there's nobody else here.

  67. 04:41

    John Hinckley Jr.

    I don't care. Then who are you talking to?

  68. 04:45

    George H. W. Bush

    I don't care, John. John Hinckley, listen to the possessed dog. It's from Taxi Driver.

  69. 04:50

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Have you seen that movie? It is so good. Jodie Foster's in it and she's like super cute.

  70. 04:57

    George H. W. Bush

    Hey, I know Jodie Foster.

  71. 04:59

    John Hinckley Jr.

    You do?

  72. 05:00

    George H. W. Bush

    Yeah, and I'll get her to blow you if you'll shoot the goddamn president in the face so I can fucking be president.

  73. 05:06

    John Hinckley Jr.

    Okay, sounds good.

  74. 05:10

    Speaker 3

    God. God, people fucking love movies.

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