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Bush's Christmas Message

Saturday Night LiveSNL
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

President Bush delivers a hushed Christmas message from the Oval Office while his exhausted Vice President sleeps on a cot in front of the desk.

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The premise

Here’s the bit.

Whispering so as not to wake the Vice President, President Bush turns his Christmas address into a gentle ramble beside the sleeping Dan. He fusses over his deputy's tiring week, fumbles an attempt to reassure him about Santa Claus, then drifts into boasting about his summit at Malta and the end of the Cold War, with a running gag about his own garbled speech. Wrapping up, he compares his sleeping deputy to the child in the manger, and the message closes on the cue that launches the live show.

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Highly quotable.

Gotta be quiet. Gotta quiet down. The Vice President just fell asleep.

I told him, Dan, trust me, there really is a Kris Kringle.

Now I could get back to the speech lessons, the media consultants, the hand gesture coach. Not gonna do it.

ScriptEnglish · 14 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:01

    George Bush

    The following is a special Christmas message from the White House.

  2. 00:10

    George Bush

    Shhh. Gotta be quiet. Gotta quiet down. The Vice President just fell asleep.

  3. 00:20

    George Bush

    Yeah, look at him there. So, so peaceful. He's had such a big week holding his own press conference out there. Undermined my authority just a little bit.

  4. 00:35

    George Bush

    Criticizing Soviet foreign policy right after Malta. And Santa, you gotta be patient. He's still learning. Well, with all the excitement of Christmas, he's just plum tuckered out.

  5. 00:50

    George Bush

    That's right, took him two hours to get to sleep tonight because someone told him there wasn't a Santa Claus. Whoever did that is bad, they're bad.

  6. 01:02

    George Bush

    That's right. I told him, Dan, trust me, there really is a Kris Kringle. And if you don't believe me, just ask the people of East Germany, or better, better still, quiet down there, little man, better still, just ask the people of Malta, had a little summit down there, took care of a little item called peace for our generation, and it was good, good, of course, wasn't easy out there on that boat, as you saw, a bit of rough weather.

  7. 01:40

    George Bush

    Standing on that launch, going up and down that stomach, going round and round and round.

  8. 01:52

    George Bush

    You know, it's funny. Bar sort of kids me, says I'm getting so relaxed, my speech is getting less distinct. You know, I used to say round and round. Now I'm just saying round and round.

  9. 02:06

    George Bush

    You notice that? Now I could get back to the speech lessons, the media consultants, the hand gesture coach. Not. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it.

  10. 02:23

    George Bush

    You know, when I look down there, that peaceful face down there dreaming of sugar plum fairies and puppy dog tails makes me wonder what kind of world we're gonna leave for Dan.

  11. 02:35

    George Bush

    Makes you appreciate the importance of what me and Mr. Gorbachev did and what will continue to do.

  12. 02:44

    George Bush

    When I look at him down there, I'm reminded of another boy laying asleep in a manger 2,000 years ago. That's right, little Christ child. Not saying anything, just talking here, but Jesus had to gradually gain acceptance tech.

  13. 03:03

    George Bush

    So dream on, little fella. Christmas will be here soon, and with it, peace on earth, good will to man.

  14. 03:10

    George Bush

    That's right, live from New York, it's Saturday night!

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