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Crack
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In Los Angeles in 1984, two awkward white men stroll into a rough neighborhood with a boombox, a giant clock necklace and a Washington Redskins cap, insisting they are new arrivals from a ghetto in D.C. and definitely not the CIA. They stage a loud conversation about how stressed they are and how cheap and effective this new thing called crack is, then quickly change the pitch when the local man says he is saving for school: now it will sharpen his studies and sell for a hundred dollars an ounce to pay for college. They give him two vans full of it for free, plus a pager for more, and as he gratefully explains how hard his life has been and thanks them for the help, the agents casually ask whether any up-and-coming Martin Luther King Jr. types live around here.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Oh, for you, we have two vans full of it over there for free.
Yeah, C-R-A-C-K, crack.
By the way, there aren't any up-and-coming Martin Luther King Jr. types we should know about, are there?
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The official WKUK channel titles this sketch "The CIA Introducing Crack to the Ghetto *circa 1984, colorized*", pointing at the long-running allegation that the CIA helped crack cocaine spread through American cities in the 1980s.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:21
CIA Agent
Hey, what's up, man?
- 00:23
CIA Agent
What's up, homies?
- 00:24
Neighborhood Man
Hello, brother.
- 00:25
Neighborhood Man
Never seen y'all before. You new to the hood?
- 00:27
CIA Agent
Yeah, we're from a ghetto in a different city.
- 00:30
Neighborhood Man
Oh, y'all from D.C.?
- 00:31
CIA Agent
What? What?
- 00:34
Neighborhood Man
You Got a Skins hat on. D.C.
- 00:40
CIA Agent
Oh! Oh!
- 00:44
CIA Agent
Yeah, we're from a ghetto in D.C. Yes. But not like the CIA or anything. No. Man, I am just really stressed out lately. Just really, really tense. Dude, you should try some of this crack. That's a great idea. Some crack would really hit the spot right now.
- 01:12
Neighborhood Man
What you talking about?
- 01:13
CIA Agent
Oh, it's just this new inexpensive way to get incredibly high. You wouldn't be interested.
- 01:21
Neighborhood Man
Yeah, no, you're right. Right, gotta keep my mind clear, stick to the books, trying to go to school in the fall.
- 01:27
CIA Agent
Yeah, it's just this new way to help you get into school this fall, you wouldn't be interested.
- 01:34
Neighborhood Man
Wait. Wait, this can actually help me get into school?
- 01:39
CIA Agent
Yeah, just a little bit will really help you concentrate on your studies. Plus you could sell it and save all that money for college. Just an ounce of it will get you up to $100.
- 01:49
CIA Agent
$100.
- 01:50
Neighborhood Man
$100? Wow. That would help me pay for all my books and stuff.
- 01:55
CIA Agent
Yeah, it could help you pay for all your books and stuff.
- 01:58
Neighborhood Man
$100 an ounce.
- 02:00
Neighborhood Man
Wait a minute. What's that going to cost me?
- 02:05
CIA Agent
Oh, for you, we have two vans full of it over there for free.
- 02:09
Neighborhood Man
For free? That's great.
- 02:12
CIA Agent
And remember, it's called crack.
- 02:14
Neighborhood Man
Crack.
- 02:15
CIA Agent
Yeah, C-R-A-C-K, crack. Here's a pager if you need any more.
- 02:20
Neighborhood Man
Wow. Guys, wait. I just want to say this is a blessing. I don't know if you noticed, but things have been kind of rough around here. Holding down three jobs, got a baby girl coming in May. I just wasn't sure how I was going to make it, but this is really going to help me get my life back on track. So thanks, guys. Thank you. you.
- 02:50
CIA Agent
Hey, just doing what we can. Here to help.
- 02:53
Neighborhood Man
Thanks guys, have a good day.
- 02:57
CIA Agent
By the way, there aren't any up-and-coming Martin Luther King Jr. types we should know about, are there?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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