Cowboy Show

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:03

   Well?

2. 00:04
   

   Darren Trumeter

   Well, it sure is a starry night out on the old plains. The cattle are lowing. The horses are settling in. The four travel-weary cowboys are sitting around the campfire just trying to pass the time.

3. 00:20
   

   Timmy Williams

   Five! Five travel-weary cowboys!

4. 00:23
   

   Darren Trumeter

   Sometimes it seems like the sun just couldn't come up quick enough.

5. 00:27
   

   Zeke

   Well, shall we start the shows?

6. 00:29
   

   Sam

   Man, I don't want to do no show.

7. 00:31
   

   Zeke

   What do you mean you don't want to do a show? That's what you're supposed to be thinking about while we're out riding all day.

8. 00:37
   

   Kenny

   We decided that back in Sioux City.

9. 00:39
   

   Sam

   Yeah I know we decided that, I just don't feel like doing a show.

10. 00:43
    

    Kenny

    Well if you ain't gonna do a show then you can't watch our shows.

11. 00:46
    

    Kenny

    We gotta do a show every night.

12. 00:48
    

    Zeke

    How he gonna call himself a cowboy if come nightfall he ain't gonna do a show for everybody?

13. 00:52
    

    Kenny

    You better just spin your ass right around and stare at that prairie boy.

14. 00:55
    

    Sam

    The hell I am.

15. 00:57
    

    Zeke

    The hell you ain't!

16. 01:01
    

    Sam

    I got writer's block. I can't come up with an interesting protagonist.

17. 01:06
    

    Zeke

    You better start brainstorming some kind of something where I'll kill you and wear your boots.

18. 01:10
    

    Kenny

    Sam, if you don't do a show, then each of us, besides the show we do ourselves, only gets to watch two other shows.

19. 01:17
    

    Timmy Williams

    Three. Three other shows.

20. 01:19
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Now who's going first?

21. 01:20
    

    Kenny

    I'll go.

22. 01:21
    

    Sam

    Alright, goddammit.

23. 01:27
    

    Kenny

    Alright now, here's my show. It's called Daisy Mae and the Most Rascally Horse You Ever Done Seen, Episode 3.

24. 01:36
    

    Timmy Williams

    I love Daisy Mae.

25. 01:37
    

    Kenny

    Now, y'all may remember that yesterday, Daisy Mae done left her pail down in the shed and had to run fetch it. So here goes. I'm Daisy Mae. Well, Well, I got my pail now. I guess I best go back up to the house and check it out. Who Who run around and left the house a mess like a darn tornado came in here? I'll bet it was that rascallious horse. Who me?

26. 02:12
    

    Sam

    Now that's just dumb.

27. 02:14
    

    Zeke

    I'll kill you and wear your boots.

28. 02:16
    

    Sam

    that was That was my shot arm.

29. 02:21
    

    Zeke

    And it's gonna keep getting shot if you don't show a proper respect for the performing arts.

30. 02:25
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Don't listen to him Kenny, that was a good show. Don't let that dumb son of a bitch break your confidence.

31. 02:29
    

    Zeke

    Oh man, that Daisy Mae sure is a wild one.

32. 02:33
    

    Kenny

    Yeah? Well you just wait to see what she gets into tomorrow night.

33. 02:36
    

    Timmy Williams

    Oh, I can't wait!

34. 02:38
    

    Zeke

    Alright, I'm going next. All right, it's It's been a while since we had a musical number in these parts.

35. 02:50
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Oh man, we haven't had a dance number since Dallas slash Fort Worth.

36. 02:54
    

    Zeke

    That's right. Before I begin, I'd like to ask you all a favor. If you wouldn't mind, picture me all done up like the cutest little Hawaii hula girl you've ever done seen.

37. 03:05
    

    Zeke

    Here I go. I like to hula, for lonely strangers in town. I like to hula,

38. 03:15
    

    Sam

    Not just gay!

39. 03:17
    

    Zeke

    I'll shoot you and wear your boots!

40. 03:20
    

    Kenny

    How can it be gay if he's a Hawaiian hula girl? You gotta pay attention, man.

41. 03:26
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Go on with your story, Zeke.

42. 03:27
    

    Zeke

    No, I'm done. I don't need no more comments from some fucking peanut gallery.

43. 03:31
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Now look what you've done. Now you go on and get up there and you give us a damn show.

44. 03:36
    

    Timmy Williams

    Actually, it's my turn.

45. 03:37
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Entertain me, Sam Brown.

46. 03:39
    

    Sam

    No, because clockwise is...

47. 03:40

    God damn it!

48. 03:49
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Alright, once there were four cowboys...

49. 03:53
    

    Timmy Williams

    Five cowboys?

50. 03:54
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Sitting around on a perfectly beautiful night, doing shows for each other. Now even though this gang of men had been traveling together for nearly eight months, they only communicated to each other through silly little parables and stories instead of making real connections.

51. 04:13
    

    Darren Trumeter

    Only glimmers of who they really were and what they actually felt and dreamt made it through this facade that they had erected. Gentlemen! Gentlemen! This is not a show or a story.

52. 04:28
    

    Darren Trumeter

    It's real life. This is us. Our Our time is fleeting.

53. 04:45
    

    Zeke

    Kenny, are you crying?

54. 04:46
    

    Kenny

    What? No. I think I just got some pee in my eyes.

55. 04:51
    

    Zeke

    That ain't pee. You're crying.

56. 04:52
    

    Kenny

    No, it's pee. Must be some splashback from earlier.

57. 04:57
    

    Zeke

    Did his story make you sad?

58. 04:59
    

    Kenny

    No, I peed on my face.

59. 05:02
    

    Zeke

    His story plucked on your heartstrings and now you're sad.

60. 05:05
    

    Kenny

    I ain't sad.

61. 05:06
    

    Zeke

    Then let me see your mood ring.

62. 05:09
    

    Kenny

    No.

63. 05:10
    

    Zeke

    Show the three of us your mood ring right now, goddammit.

64. 05:12
    

    Timmy Williams

    Fuck this sketch.

65. 05:14
    

    Zeke

    Give me that, motherfucker. It's blue! You're sad!

66. 05:18
    

    Kenny

    No, it's not. It's green. That just means I'm horny.

67. 05:21
    

    Zeke

    That is blue. That means you're sad.

68. 05:23
    

    Kenny

    I'm horny.

69. 05:24
    

    Zeke

    His story made you sad.

70. 05:27
    

    Kenny

    His story made me horny.

71. 05:30
    

    Zeke

    Shit, man, you're horny. Fuck it. I don't care.

72. 05:32
    

    Kenny

    All right. That's all it is. Just really horny over here.

73. 05:45
    

    Timmy Williams

    Fucking guys never fucking paying attention to me. They didn't even acknowledge my guy. I'm the one that came up with the idea for that son of a bitch. It was supposed to be all about my guy robbing old trains, and they take it and they make it about stories and mood rings and fucking horse shit.

74. 06:00
    

    Timmy Williams

    I'm going to start my own comedy troupe where my guy's always the star and every sketch ends in song. Yeah, that'll show them. They don't even know what they're talking about. They're going to be begging me to be on the Timmy Williams sketch group, and everybody's going to love it, and they're going to just fucking not know what to do with themselves anymore.

75. 06:16

    I need the car to go get lunch.

76. 06:19
    

    Timmy Williams

    Do you want me to come with you?

77. 06:20

    No, I'm good. I got it.

78. 06:29
    

    Timmy Williams

    Well, did everyone already give you their orders for what they want?