Jesus Visits Tim Tebow and The Denver Broncos

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01

   Speaker 1

   another miracle win for the Denver Broncos who beat the Chicago Bears by three in overtime the Broncos have now won six in a row behind quarterback Tim Tebow

2. 00:12
   

   Tim Tebow

   all right all right hey guys I want to thank you all for believing in me I know it started off a little shaky out there but we pulled it out cuz we stuck together and also I got to thank the most important person in my life my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because I could not do this without him thank you Jesus

3. 00:29
   

   Jesus

   everybody

4. 00:34
   

   Tim Tebow

   oh Jesus he has risen

5. 00:37
   

   Jesus

   no no no not not really just a quick visit so uh hey everybody take a seat go ahead take a seat chill out first of all you're welcome all right yes I Jesus Christ am indeed the reason you've won your past six football games

6. 00:51
   

   Tim Tebow

   I knew it

7. 00:52
   

   Jesus

   Oh Tim easy easy hey buddy leave a little room for the Holy Ghost okay all right here's the thing okay if we're If we're going to keep doing this, you guys got to meet me halfway out there. I mean, let's face it, it's not a good week if every week I, the son of God, have to come in, drop everything, and bail out the Denver Broncos in the fourth quarter, okay? I'm a busy guy.

8. 01:13
   

   Tim Tebow

   So, wait, wait, you're only helping in the fourth quarter?

9. 01:15
   

   Jesus

   Yeah, yeah. Have you watched the game film, Tim, of the first half? I mean, come on, three for 16? You know, I can throw better, and I'm 2,010 years old, huh?

10. 01:25
    

    Tim Tebow

    But I pray to you before every game.

11. 01:27
    

    Jesus

    Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, and I appreciate that, but here's something else you should do before the game, okay? Yeah, yeah, stretch. You know, get the arm warm, you know, read the playbook, all right? Do you read that?

12. 01:36
    

    Tim Tebow

    The Holy Bible is my playbook.

13. 01:38
    

    Jesus

    Oh, okay, great. That's great. That's great, but you need to read the regular playbook, okay? Seriously, I'm doing all the work here.

14. 01:45

    Denver Broncos Player

    Oh, come on, don't be so hard on Tim. He's helping us win.

15. 01:49
    

    Jesus

    Oh, that's cute, that's cute. No, no, I know, Tim's doing his best, Dad bless him. But you know who you should be thanking? Your kicker. Okay? I mean, you don't win unless this guy hits a 59-yarder. I'm serious, man. Matt Prater, I pray to you, brother.

16. 02:04
    

    Matt Prater

    Wow. You pray to me? I didn't know that.

17. 02:07
    

    Jesus

    Well, yeah, you know, that's because I'm not in everyone's face about it.

18. 02:16

    Denver Broncos Player

    So Jesus just spends his time helping people win football games?

19. 02:20
    

    Jesus

    Well, you know, here's the thing. I, uh, you know, I just go where people call me the most. You know, nowadays, that's a lot of football games. Also the country music awards. You know, I decide all those. Uh, I'm right there at any black event where food is served.

20. 02:34

    Denver Broncos Player

    Hey, man.

21. 02:36
    

    Jesus

    I'm sorry. I'm forgiven. All right. Look, you see, the point is, you guys got to help yourselves a little. I mean, can you do that for me?

22. 02:45

    Denver Broncos Player

    Yes, of course. Yeah.

23. 02:46
    

    Jesus

    Okay. All right, now, listen, I can't be around next week. I got a big birthday coming up and kind of tough to shop for. I mean, what do you get for the man who sacrificed everything, right?

24. 02:56
    

    Jesus

    Easy. Don't... I don't need that. It's a medium joke at best. I don't need that. all right come on so here's my advice all right just focus up all right and you'll be fine all right who you play next

25. 03:05

    Denver Broncos Player

    the patriots

26. 03:06
    

    Jesus

    oh boy really wow okay did not know that that's gonna be a tough one uh i mean hey this doesn't leave this room okay but if i'm the son of god tom brady's got to be the guy's nephew all right that guy's a miracle worker okay oh but that uh coach uh belichick well let's just say uh so they're coming at you both ways there all right so uh Anywho, I'm off to a beauty pageant, okay?

27. 03:30
    

    Jesus

    Best of luck next week. I'll try to watch. Tim? Tim? I love you, okay? I really do.

28. 03:36
    

    Tim Tebow

    I love you, too.

29. 03:37
    

    Jesus

    Okay, all right. But just take it down a notch, will you, buddy?

30. 03:40
    

    Tim Tebow

    Yes, Lord, whatever you command.

31. 03:41
    

    Jesus

    Okay, not a command, just a request, all right? Great. Well, I got to catch this cloud, okay? I'll see y'all. Oh, oh, oh, by the way, Mormonism, all true, every single word. Yeah. All right, peace. See you guys.

32. 03:55

    Denver Broncos Player

    All right, let's hit the showers.