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Djesus Uncrossed
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a mock trailer for a Quentin Tarantino film, Jesus rises from the tomb with a crown of thorns and a grudge, then sets out to slaughter the Romans who crucified him. Brad Pitt's St. Peter rallies a squad of apostles in the manner of Inglourious Basterds, Ving Rhames plays Pontius Pilate and Samuel L. Jackson appears as Judas, while slow motion, silhouette fight sequences, gunfire and gushing blood send up Tarantino's signature style. Mock critic blurbs close out the pitch for a historical revenge fantasy.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
And he's preaching anything but forgiveness.
When you get to Heaven, say hi to my dad.
Critics are calling it a less violent Passion of the Christ.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Zach Kanin
Writer
Colin Jost
Writer
Rhys Thomas
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
After the sketch aired, the American Family Association campaigned against advertisers; Sears and JCPenney said they would not run ads on online versions of the episode.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
This summer if you like inglorious bastards and Django unchained Then get ready for the ultimate historical revenge fantasy. This is back this uncrossed He's risen from the dead
- 00:28
Jesus
Did you miss me?
- 00:30
Speaker 1
And he's preaching anything but forgiveness sandals, but he can still kick ass.
- 00:41
Roman
Jesus H. Christ!
- 00:43
Jesus
The H is silent.
- 00:47
Speaker 1
With Brad Pitt as St. Peter.
- 00:50
Brad Pitt
I need me. Eleven apostles. We're gonna be doing one thing and one thing only. Killing romance. The Romans will be disgusted by us. The Roman will talk about us. And the Roman will fear us. Each of you owes me 100 Romance Scouts.
- 01:13
Speaker 1
...Fing reigns as Punch's pilot.
- 01:16
Ving Rhames
Jesus. Oh, I ain't done with him by a damn sight. I'm a good Old Testament on his ass.
- 01:22
Speaker 1
And Samuel L. Jackson as Judas Iscariot.
- 01:26
Samuel L. Jackson
Jesus? Oh, chill, man. Chill.
- 01:30
Jesus
When you get to Heaven, say hi to my dad.
- 01:35
Speaker 1
Jesus.
- 01:37
Speaker 1
Critics are calling it a less violent Passion of the Christ.
- 01:51
Speaker 1
I never knew how much Jesus used the N-word.
- 01:56
Speaker 1
Jesus uncrossed. No more Mr. Nice Jesus.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
