Vincent Price's Halloween Special II

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01

   Speaker 1

   You're watching TV Land, in the common room at a nursing home. Up next, Vincent Price's 1960 Halloween special.

2. 00:09
   

   Vincent Price

   Ah, once again it's that time of year when the tombs come open and the spirits rise from their graves. Am I in the shot? Oh, the talking skeleton doesn't work if I'm in the shot. What's rehearsal even for? Go to the open!

3. 00:28

   Speaker 1

   And now, Colgate presents Vincent Price's Halloween special. Now, please welcome your host, Prince of Hades, Vincent Price.

4. 00:37
   

   Vincent Price

   This evening, the Price Mansion is transformed into a house of spooky horrors. And I've asked some of my famous friends to bring by some treats for the neighborhood boys and girls. And our first guest has just arrived, Hollywood legend Judy Garland.

5. 00:54
   

   Judy Garland

   Let me in!

6. 00:56
   

   Vincent Price

   What's wrong, Judy?

7. 00:58
   

   Judy Garland

   Oh, there's a tall scary...

8. 01:01
   

   Vincent Price

   Judy, that's a palm tree.

9. 01:04
   

   Judy Garland

   okay

10. 01:04
    

    Vincent Price

    so uh did you bring us any candy judy it's very clearly a bottle of pills you've uh drawn m's on

11. 01:14
    

    Judy Garland

    m's on them so i knew who they were for this one's for me and oh this one for me

12. 01:21
    

    Vincent Price

    pay yourself judy it's 7 30 another guest who could it be well it's none other than democratic presidential nominee john f kennedy

13. 01:36
    

    John F Kennedy

    it's uh good to be here Vincent.

14. 01:39
    

    Vincent Price

    And who's your friend?

15. 01:41
    

    John F Kennedy

    Oh well you told me to bring candy so I'd like to introduce you to Candy DiCenzo of the Reno DiCenzos.

16. 01:49
    

    Vincent Price

    You're running for president.

17. 01:51
    

    John F Kennedy

    Oh don't worry Vincent she's just my campaign manager.

18. 01:53
    

    Vincent Price

    Oh.

19. 01:54
    

    John F Kennedy

    And also a prostitute. Say there Judy do you have any of those M&M's for me? The back pill kind?

20. 02:01
    

    Judy Garland

    Oh I do but I don't have any water.

21. 02:04
    

    John F Kennedy

    Oh no that's okay I can dry swallow.

22. 02:06
    

    Liberace

    Don't say Say, swallow!

23. 02:14
    

    Vincent Price

    Marachi, you weren't invited this year.

24. 02:16
    

    Liberace

    Oh, I couldn't miss a party, Vincent.

25. 02:18
    

    Vincent Price

    Well, as long as you're on good behavior. Did you bring us any candy?

26. 02:22
    

    Liberace

    Oh, aren't these lovely? These are rum and Kahlua meringues. They have a hard outer shell, but if you work at it, you get a mouthful of cream.

27. 02:34
    

    Vincent Price

    Marachi, future president is here. Senator, I apologize for my friend's behavior.

28. 02:39
    

    John F Kennedy

    This is a tough one, but I'm going to go with Judy.

29. 02:44
    

    Judy Garland

    I'm the winner!

30. 02:46
    

    John F Kennedy

    Take tracks, Candy.

31. 02:48
    

    Vincent Price

    Jeezy, crazy, Senator. Voters are watching. Well, now it's time for arts and crafts. We learn how to make spooky crafts. Let's go to our pumpkin. Step one, carve a hole.

32. 03:03
    

    Liberace

    Step two, wait behind it.

33. 03:06
    

    Vincent Price

    Liver-rugging! Step two, carve a spooky face with a big, wide mouth.

34. 03:18
    

    Liberace

    The fewer the teeth, the better.

35. 03:20
    

    Vincent Price

    Liver-rugging! Please stop. Then, for a little fun, put a candle in the pumpkin.

36. 03:29
    

    John F Kennedy

    You know, for a lot of fun, I like to put my candle between two pumpkins.

37. 03:33
    

    Vincent Price

    Liver-senator! I'm getting it from both sides.

38. 03:37
    

    Liberace

    Been there, done that.

39. 03:40
    

    Vincent Price

    Now, where were we?

40. 03:45
    

    John F Kennedy

    Vincent, if I get elected, Judy here just had the best idea for my administration. Tell him, Judy.

41. 03:50
    

    Judy Garland

    I think Mr. President...

42. 03:53
    

    John F Kennedy

    Isn't that wonderful?

43. 03:54
    

    Vincent Price

    Men on the moon, what would they do?

44. 03:56
    

    John F Kennedy

    Tell him, Judy.

45. 03:57
    

    Judy Garland

    Isn't it?

46. 04:00
    

    John F Kennedy

    How great is that?

47. 04:01
    

    Vincent Price

    It's not great. It's impossible.

48. 04:03
    

    John F Kennedy

    We do things not because they're easy, but because they are hard.

49. 04:07
    

    Liberace

    I do them because they're hard and easy.

50. 04:10
    

    Vincent Price

    All right, all right. New rule. Careful what you say around Liberace. He can twist anything.

51. 04:15
    

    Liberace

    I can bend anything, too.

52. 04:17

    Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

53. 04:23
    

    Vincent Price

    Moving on. It's time for our spooky science experiment. Judy, can you be my volunteer?

54. 04:33
    

    Judy Garland

    Love to!

55. 04:34
    

    Vincent Price

    Put on the blindfold. Now, put your hands in the first bone.

56. 04:40
    

    Judy Garland

    Oh! Oh!

57. 04:43
    

    Vincent Price

    These are zombie brains.

58. 04:45
    

    Judy Garland

    Oh! I don't...

59. 04:48
    

    Vincent Price

    We're having fun. Spooky fun here. Spooky fun. Spooky fun. All friends. Now, these are zombie eyeballs, yeah.

60. 04:55
    

    Judy Garland

    Oh, this is the worst thing ever. I'm going crazy, I tell you, I'm crazy.

61. 04:58

    Mickey Rooney. Mickey Rooney,

62. 05:00
    

    Vincent Price

    she's flipping out. Look, look, look, the brains were just spaghetti and the eyeballs were just grapes.

63. 05:06
    

    Vincent Price

    That's right, and this zombie finger here is just a sausage.

64. 05:11
    

    Liberace

    Sausage? There isn't a sausage?

65. 05:21
    

    Liberace

    You've got my vote.

66. 05:23
    

    Vincent Price

    That's it. Happy Halloween, everyone. That's it.

67. 05:27

    All right, your hands come in here.