Vincent Price's Christmas Special

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:02

   Speaker 1

   You're watching TV Land, which means you are a cat in an empty apartment.

2. 00:11
   

   Vincent Price

   Christmas! For many, a time of cheer. For others, a cruel reminder that the bitter chill of winter is upon us. The one night of the year when an intruder in blood-red garb is greedy with joy. When ghosts have often visited... Hey, guys. Can we cut the smoke, please? Just go to the package. Go to the package.

3. 00:33

   Speaker 1

   And now, Colgate presents Vincent Price's 1954 Christmas special. Now, please welcome your host, fresh from the River Styx, Vincent Price!

4. 00:46
   

   Vincent Price

   Tonight, a collection of guests will arrive and together we will delve into the mystery that is Secret Santa! Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the African queen herself, Catherine Hepburn!

5. 01:04
   

   Katharine Hepburn

   Hello Vincent. I'm here and my secret Santa gift is a tree. I'm telling you because I don't care for secrets. It's an always spruce that I cut down myself in Connecticut.

6. 01:15
   

   Vincent Price

   You dragged a tree from Connecticut to Burbank?

7. 01:18
   

   Katharine Hepburn

   Oh, I don't care for planes, Vincent, and I despise trains. I like brisk walks and good exercise.

8. 01:23
   

   Vincent Price

   Wow, so you actually...

9. 01:24
   

   Katharine Hepburn

   A walk would do you good, some good, Vincent. Look at you, you need some color in those cheeks. Now where should I put this? I need a good wicker tree basket. Oh, I don't see one here. Fine, I guess I'll put it over here. I'll put the tree over here.

10. 01:34
    

    Vincent Price

    All righty. Nice talking to you. And now our next guest from the hit film, East of Eden, Mr. James Dean.

11. 01:49
    

    James Dean

    Hey.

12. 01:50
    

    Vincent Price

    Merry Christmas, James.

13. 01:52
    

    James Dean

    Yeah, I guess.

14. 01:53
    

    Vincent Price

    Did you bring a secret Santa gift?

15. 01:55
    

    James Dean

    Don't tell me what to do.

16. 01:58
    

    Vincent Price

    I'm not telling you anything.

17. 01:59
    

    James Dean

    You're always hassling me.

18. 02:01
    

    Vincent Price

    We just met. Cheesy, crazy. That sound can only mean one thing. Please welcome the man, the music, Liberace!

19. 02:20
    

    Liberace

    Well, hello there, Vincent. Hi, James.

20. 02:24
    

    Vincent Price

    Easy.

21. 02:27
    

    Vincent Price

    Did you bring a secret Santa gift for us, Liberace?

22. 02:29
    

    Liberace

    Well, yes, I did. As you can see, I have this lovely Christmas ornament that was given to me by President Batista during my last trip to Havana. In fact, I bought two of them. I prefer them in pairs, and I like them in every color except blue.

23. 02:49
    

    Vincent Price

    Watch it!

24. 02:54
    

    Liberace

    Does this do anything for you, James?

25. 02:56
    

    James Dean

    I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so confused.

26. 03:00
    

    Liberace

    That's a start. Come on, sit down.

27. 03:03
    

    Vincent Price

    Now, full-court press, huh, Liberace? Catherine, how are we doing with the tree?

28. 03:11
    

    Katharine Hepburn

    Minor problem, Vincent. My Norway spruce has a stowaway.

29. 03:14
    

    Vincent Price

    You brought a wild animal onto the set?

30. 03:17
    

    Katharine Hepburn

    Oh, the raccoon's got some fight in him, but... Oh, I learned how to box at Bryn Mawr. I did.

31. 03:24
    

    Vincent Price

    Hachimachi. Let's take a commercial break while we sort this out.

32. 03:28
    

    Marilyn Monroe

    I'm Marilyn Monroe, and when I get blue Oh, Lou, I reached for a box of asbestos. Asbestos, it's asbestos can be.

33. 03:42
    

    Vincent Price

    Please, just, we're back already? Who does four second asbestos commercials?

34. 03:48
    

    Katharine Hepburn

    I killed it, I did.

35. 03:55
    

    Vincent Price

    Catherine, you've been bitten.

36. 03:56
    

    Katharine Hepburn

    Oh, it doesn't worry me. I've got a strong constitution because I drink good cold water and I do 100 squat thrusts a day. I'm gonna go treat this bite and bury this dead animal.

37. 04:07
    

    Vincent Price

    very good very Christmassy

38. 04:09
    

    Liberace

    why don't you sing with me James

39. 04:13
    

    James Dean

    I don't sing

40. 04:14
    

    Liberace

    deck the halls with boughs of holly just try it

41. 04:22
    

    James Dean

    well I like that I guess I should try new things more often

42. 04:31
    

    Liberace

    well Merry Merry Christmas to me.

43. 04:36
    

    Vincent Price

    Well, you just want people to know is that your deal these days? Kate, are you okay? And Hepburn has rabies. Wonderful. Let's end this thing. As the Magi brought gifts in ancient times, so too have we brought you holiday cheer with a touch of the macabre. My thanks to Katherine Hepburn And she's gone My thanks to James Dean and Liberace Was Liberace gone too?

44. 05:12
    

    Liberace

    I'm still here

45. 05:13
    

    Vincent Price

    This has been the Vincent Price Christmas Special Good night