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Weekend Update: Michael Che's Nephew Threatens Santa
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Michael Che introduces his nephew Tyson as the Weekend Update guest who will explain what he wants for Christmas. Speaking to Santa through the camera, Tyson starts out sweetly, then pivots to the bike he was denied last year and a plan to settle the score on Christmas Day. Che keeps trying to rein the kid in, but every promise to be nice only leads to a more elaborate plot, including a stealthy chimney entry, an accomplice, and a scheme involving Mrs. Claus. Tyson's baby-voiced pleading and finger-counting age gags clash with the menace, and Che finally presents him to the audience with a worried shrug.
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Say it with us
Highly quotable.
He's over 100 and white, so probably.
I'm bringing that little drummer boy with me.
Once you need three hands, you gotta stop doing that.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Colin Jost also anchored this December 20, 2025 Weekend Update (per SNL Archives), but he does not appear in this clip; the same segment included the annual Christmas joke swap.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Himself
While many Americans feel less holiday cheer as we get older, it's important to make this time special for the children. Here to tell us what he wants for Christmas is my 12-year-old nephew, Tyson.
- 00:11
Tyson
Aw. Goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
- 00:16
Tyson
Merry Christmas, Uncle Che. Yay!
- 00:20
Himself
A little big for yay, but okay.
- 00:23
Himself
Now, you told me you wanted to share your Christmas wish list.
- 00:26
Tyson
I sure do, but, Uncle Che, do you think Santa's watching SNL?
- 00:30
Himself
I mean, I think Santa's watching. He's over 100 and white, so probably.
- 00:36
Tyson
Wow. That's so cool. Can I say something to him directly?
- 00:41
Himself
Sure. Go ahead. Just look in that camera. Say what you want.
- 00:44
Tyson
Hi, Santa. It's me, Tyson, the little boy who's been good all year. Remember me? I asked for a bike last year, but I didn't get one, and that kind of hurt my feelings. But this year, I'm getting everything I want.
- 00:57
Tyson
Because on Christmas Day, I'm coming to your house. I'ma beat your ass and I'ma get what's mine.
- 01:03
Himself
Whoa, whoa. Tyson, what are you doing?
- 01:06
Tyson
What? I'm just a wittle kid who really wants a bicycle more than anything in the world.
- 01:11
Himself
Well, that sounds more like a threat.
- 01:14
Tyson
I'm sorry. Can I keep talking to Santa if I promise to be nice?
- 01:18
Himself
All right, Tyson, but show a little respect. I work here, kind of.
- 01:23
Tyson
Listen, bitch, here's how it's gonna go. I'ma sneak in your house like John Wick, I'ma slide down your chimney quiet as hell, and I'm gonna step on any elves in my way. And I'm not coming alone, either. I'm bringing that little drummer boy with me. Pum, pum, pum, pum.
- 01:40
Himself
Tyson!
- 01:41
Tyson
Yes, Uncie Che?
- 01:44
Himself
Uncie? Look, you're talking about a home invasion against Santa.
- 01:47
Tyson
I don't know what that is, Uncie Che. I'm only this many.
- 01:53
Himself
Man, once you need three hands, you gotta stop doing that.
- 01:56
Tyson
But I'm only in the third grade.
- 01:59
Himself
Again?
- 02:01
Tyson
Look, maybe I came off a little aggressive, but I promise it's gonna end sweet.
- 02:06
Himself
All right, I'm gonna let you finish since it's Christmas, and I'm not getting you anything.
- 02:11
Tyson
Okay, Uncie Che.
- 02:12
Himself
You gotta stop doing that.
- 02:15
Tyson
Now, listen up, fat man. I'm not coming for a bike anymore. I'm coming for Mrs. Claus. Yeah, that's right. She slid in my DMs. Y'all don't know what's going on. I'm going to run a Polar Express on that hoe.
- 02:29
Tyson
And she's not going to be wrapping anything, neither. I'm going to be buck naked.
- 02:34
Himself
Wait, you're going to be naked?
- 02:36
Tyson
Yeah, just a puffer jacket and Ugg boots for traction.
- 02:39
Himself
That's a good call.
- 02:40
Tyson
Yeah. And after I smooch on your bitch, I'm going to go into your kitchen and make some dino nuggets. After all, I am only 12.
- 02:48
Himself
Oh, I'm worried about this kid. My nephew, Tyson, everybody.
- 02:52
Tyson
I'm this many, bitch. Christmas!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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