Girl / Lisa
Child · Daughter · Stepmother
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My Little Step Children
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a parody ad for My Little Step Children, a cheerful mother explains that her daughter Lisa found ordinary baby dolls boring and preferred to cast herself as the villain. Each doll arrives with a tiny birth certificate to lock away and a backstory about a widowed father named Richard, letting children stage chilly melodramas: dodging questions about the birth mother, packing the doll off to boarding school and feeding her keepsakes to the fireplace. The parents grow uneasy as they piece together that their daughter is pretend-married to Richard, while a boy flashes an engagement ring to gloat over his own stepchild doll.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Mommy, where's the drama in that? I'm her wicked step-mommy.
I won. I got your daddy wrapped around my finger.
She never wanted kids. She just wanted Richard. But Richard comes with kids. Yeah, well, that's not her fault.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Julio Torres
Writer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Cut for time from the February 3, 2018 episode hosted by Natalie Portman and released online by SNL a few days later. Writer Julio Torres joked afterward that the sketch had been incinerated for time.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
Most girls like dolls, but not every girl wants to be a mommy.
- 00:05
Speaker 2
Wait, where's your doll?
- 00:07
Girl
She won't be joining us.
- 00:09
Speaker 1
Introducing my little stepchildren.
- 00:11
Mother
I bought my kid a doll and I asked her, Lisa, are you her mommy? And she said, Mommy, where's the drama in that? I'm her wicked step-mommy.
- 00:19
Speaker 1
Every little stepchild comes with a tiny cardboard birth certificate kids can lock inside an ornate chest of drawers. Then they can pretend to avoid questions about the doll's birth mother.
- 00:30
Girl
Why all the questions, Marjorie? You're just being silly again.
- 00:35
Speaker 1
Some kids' gut instinct is to go dark. Why not embrace it? My little stepchildren are perfect for kids with a flair for the dramatic. They'll love staging a scene where the little stepchildren get sent away to boarding school.
- 00:50
Girl
This is for the best.
- 00:51
Mother
The first time I bought Lisa a doll, she said she felt no real connection to it, like there was a sheet of glass between her and the doll. With my little step-children, she no longer feels forced to change that.
- 01:03
Girl
Ah, yes. So beautiful. But for how long?
- 01:07
Father
Wait, so who's the doll's father?
- 01:10
Mother
I guess a handsome widower named Richard.
- 01:13
Father
So our daughter is married to this guy?
- 01:15
Mother
For the right reasons.
- 01:20
Mother
What are you doing, sweetie?
- 01:23
Girl
Throwing her birth mother's ciders into the fire.
- 01:26
Speaker 1
Both girls and boys can menacingly reveal their big, gorgeous engagement ring to their stepchildren.
- 01:33
Boy
I won. I got your daddy wrapped around my finger.
- 01:38
Speaker 1
My little stepchildren. Hey, some kids live for the drama.
- 01:42
Mother
She never wanted kids. She just wanted Richard.
- 01:45
Father
But Richard comes with kids.
- 01:47
Mother
Yeah, well, that's not her fault.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
