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Pongo
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a fake holiday commercial, two disappointed kids who wanted a puppy are handed Pongo, a smooth orange creature sold as the world's first perfect pet. The ad lists its selling points: no mess, no noise, no way to lose it, and a talent for silently staring. The family's early delight sours at night, when Pongo keeps turning up in the bedroom and hallway and the mother, Diane, grabs a shovel to dig a hole for it. Her children and husband defend the pet, and the mother lays down an ultimatum between her and Pongo. The family sides with Pongo, and the ad closes by urging viewers to make it a Pongo Christmas.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Pongo is neither alive nor dead. He just is.
Nothing goes in and nothing comes out.
He's also kind of wet, and I like that.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Father
Oh, wow. Thanks, Mom.
- 00:05
Grandmother
Of course, honey. Well, I think that's it for all the presents. What's the matter, guys?
- 00:14
Nothing. It's just what we really wanted this year was a puppy. We're not sure you're ready for that kind of responsibility.
- 00:21
Announcer
Your kids want a dog for Christmas. It's a problem every year. Until now.
- 00:26
Hey, guys, I think there's maybe one more present under the tree. Whoa! What is it? It's Pongo!
- 00:39
Announcer
Introducing Pongo, the world's first perfect pet.
- 00:42
Oh, whoa! He's got like no holes!
- 00:46
Announcer
That's right, nothing goes in and nothing comes out. No mess, no bark, no bite. No nothing, just pure Pongo. Other pets might destroy your home, but Pongo doesn't do anything. He just stares.
- 00:59
Does he do tricks? I don't know, you tell me. Pongo, give me paw. Pongo, paw. Give me paw, bud. Pongo, give me paw. Give me paw, Pongo. Pongo, give me paw. Yeah!
- 01:16
Announcer
Dogs can be noisy on hardwood floors, but Pongo makes no noise whatsoever. He just moves silently through your house, like a spider.
- 01:25
Not sure I love that.
- 01:27
Announcer
Losing a pet can be hard on kids, but that's not a problem with Pongo, because he can't die.
- 01:34
He can't die?
- 01:35
Announcer
Nope, because Pongo is neither alive nor dead. He just is. And Pongo's not just for kids.
- 01:43
Grandmother
Pongo is a great listener. And since his mouth doesn't work, you can whisper all your secrets to him, and he'll never tell anyone. He's also kind of wet, and I like that.
- 01:54
Announcer
You'll love the constant companionship.
- 01:57
Oh, God! Good night. Good night. Damn it! Pongo!
- 02:06
Father
What's wrong, babe?
- 02:06
Diane
I don't like that he watches us while we're in bed.
- 02:14
Diane
That's it! You're going in the hallway! How did he get there so fast?
- 02:25
Pongo. Pongo. Pongo.
- 02:28
Father
Diane? Why are you digging a Pongo-sized hole?
- 02:36
Diane
I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago.
- 02:44
Over my dead body. We won't let you do this, Mom. We all love Pongo. This house wasn't a home until Pongo showed up.
- 02:56
Diane
What are you guys talking about? We got him 36 hours ago. What even is he?
- 03:02
He's Pongo.
- 03:03
Diane
Yeah, I know he's Pongo. I was the one who bought Pongo, because your pathetic father was too cheap to buy a dog. You have to make a choice. It's either me or Pongo.
- 03:17
Pongo. Also Pongo. Absolutely Pongo. A thousand times Pongo.
- 03:22
Diane
This is insane! I don't want him in this house! And there's nothing anyone could do or say that will make me change my mind!
- 03:35
Yeah!
- 03:36
Announcer
This year, make it a Pongo Christmas. He's a perfectly smooth pet, guys.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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