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Roberta's Thanksgiving
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
A father opens his family's Thanksgiving dinner with a toast, only for Roberta, an accounts-payable colleague who angled for an invitation, to slip herself into it. Still bundled in her bargain coat, she explains that her own relatives left on a cruise that bans pets, then recites the names of her eight cats while daughter Sarah tries to get the turkey moving. Roberta insists on a second grace addressed to Jesus, undeterred when told the family is Jewish, and gives thanks in advance for the leftovers she will carry home. When the mother gushes over Sarah's upcoming trip to Paris, Roberta pushes the charms of Scranton and a grim story about her airport hotel room, while Grandpa Bud greets every turn with louder despair.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I work in accounts payable at your father's firm. I'm in charge of all the company's debts.
Holy hell, I wish I was dead!
Apparently the previous guest shot himself in the head.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
SNL Archives lists this as the second appearance of Cheri Oteri's Roberta, after a November 1995 party sketch.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Father ?
My, my, honey, you've really outdone yourself this year. Well, I just want to begin by saying that I am extremely thankful to be spending this Thanksgiving day with my wonderful family.
- 00:11
Mother ?
Oh, thank you.
- 00:12
Roberta ?
And me.
- 00:14
Father ?
Oh, yes, and Roberta, too.
- 00:16
Mother ?
We're so happy to have you, Roberta. You can take your coat off if you like.
- 00:21
Roberta ?
It's from the Burlington Coat Factory.
- 00:27
Sarah ?
So, Roberta, how do you know Dad?
- 00:30
Roberta ?
I work in accounts payable at your father's firm. I'm in charge of all the company's debts.
- 00:37
Father ?
Yes, Roberta overheard me talking about our little family gathering and said she didn't have any place to go. Several times, actually.
- 00:44
Roberta ?
I usually spend Thanksgiving with my father and my aunt, but they went and booked themselves on a carnival cruise. It's a large boat designed for those who enjoy nonstop activities, including shuffleboard and ski. But I exempted myself from the aquatic fund because the Carnival Cruise Corporation doesn't allow pets on board its vessels.
- 01:11
Mother ?
Oh. You have pets?
- 01:14
Sarah ?
Mom, Mom, don't.
- 01:15
Roberta ?
I have... I have eight cats. There's Langley, Dominic, Hi-Ho, Nut-Nut, Montel, Jesus.
- 01:26
Sarah ?
Uh, Daddy, could you... Could you pass some of the turkey, please?
- 01:30
Roberta ?
Othello and the most finicky, Gilligan. He'll only eat Fancy Feast. He's funny because he'll only eat Fancy Feast from the commercial.
- 01:43
Sarah ?
Well, this Fancy Feast is getting cold. So, you know what? I'm just going to go ahead and grab myself a little drumstick here.
- 01:50
Roberta ?
Would it be inappropriate for me to incorporate a blessing?
- 01:54
Sarah ?
Dad, did you not already say one?
- 01:57
Father ?
Yes, I did.
- 01:58
Roberta ?
Dear Jesus.
- 01:59
Sarah ?
We're Jewish.
- 02:03
Roberta ?
I'd like to thank thee for my new Hebrew friends and the top-notch chow we are about to consume. I'd also like to thank thee in advance for the seven bags of leftovers I'll be able to take home to my cats.
- 02:19
Father ?
Okay, let's eat.
- 02:20
Roberta ?
Langley, Dominic, hi-ho, nut-nut, Montel, Jesus, not you, Othello, and, uh, Jesus, you know, Gilligan, he'll only eat...
- 02:34
Sarah ?
Fancy Feast, I'm in!
- 02:36
Father ?
All right, uh, Grandpa, if you could pass those sweet potatoes, I'd be most grateful.
- 02:41
Grandpa Bud ?
Holy hell, I wish I was dead!
- 02:46
Father ?
Yeah, just pass the potatoes.
- 02:49
Mother ?
Sarah, it's such a shame that Richard couldn't join us tonight.
- 02:53
Sarah ?
Oh, yeah, you know, I forgot to tell you. He invited me to join him next week in Paris.
- 02:58
Mother ?
Oh, that's so exciting. Are Sarah jetting off to Paris?
- 03:02
Roberta ?
Have you ever been to Scranton?
- 03:07
Sarah ?
Nope.
- 03:08
Roberta ?
Don't count it out. The beauty of the skyline alone made me do a double take. I stayed at the airport Ramada.
- 03:20
Sarah ?
Ooh, Ramada.
- 03:21
Roberta ?
It was funny because they hadn't washed the sheets.
- 03:25
Sarah ?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How is that funny?
- 03:27
Roberta ?
You didn't let me complete the tale.
- 03:30
Oh, wow. Hey, sorry.
- 03:33
Roberta ?
Apparently the previous guest shot himself in the head.
- 03:38
Grandpa Bud ?
I need a frickin' drink!
- 03:40
Father ?
Grandpa Bud's right. Why don't we all just go to the family room and...
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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