New Paint

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:02
   

   Beth

   So, now, this cheese is Taleggio, and then we've got a rock fort and a little bit of a fig jam.

2. 00:08
   

   Wife

   Yum!

3. 00:09
   

   Tom

   Thanks, sis. We've been so busy with the baby, it's been forever since we've been here.

4. 00:13
   

   Wife

   Beth, your living room looks amazing. You painted.

5. 00:16
   

   Beth

   I did.

6. 00:17
   

   Tom

   Is it Benjamin Moore?

7. 00:18
   

   Beth

   Benjamin Moore. Baby brother, in this house, I only use Farrow and Ball.

8. 00:24
   

   Wife

   Farrow and Ball? I don't know that.

9. 00:26
   

   Beth

   Oh, well, you should. It's the high-end British paint company that offers unparalleled depth in collure.

10. 00:32
    

    Wife

    Oh, nice.

11. 00:34
    

    Beth

    Each of their 132 collures work beautifully in new homes, both old and new.

12. 00:41
    

    Tom

    Well, it sounds like you're saying the word color but with the U in it.

13. 00:45
    

    Beth

    Well, I am. I mean, that collure on the baseboard there is ammonite, named after the fossils often found on the Dorset Coast. And the wall collure, well, that's Lulworth Blue, named after the swirling British mists of the beautiful Lolworth Cove. What a color.

14. 01:02
    

    Wife

    Well, maybe we should try Farrow & Ball.

15. 01:05
    

    Tom

    Yeah, maybe we should. Is it expensive?

16. 01:07
    

    Beth

    Well, it's premium. I mean, you're paying for quality.

17. 01:10
    

    Tom

    Yeah, but how much is it? Like, $50 a gallon?

18. 01:13
    

    Wife

    No, no, that's crazy. It's just paint.

19. 01:16
    

    Beth

    It's not just paint. It's Farrow & Ball.

20. 01:20
    

    Tom

    Well, how much is it, Beth? $60?

21. 01:23
    

    Beth

    It's $110 a gallon.

22. 01:25
    

    Tom

    What? $110 for a can of paint? Are you insane?

23. 01:29
    

    Beth

    No, I'm not insane.

24. 01:30
    

    Tom

    Well, how much did it cost to paint this room? $800?

25. 01:33
    

    Beth

    Well, you have to have the special primer and the brushes and then factor in the shipping and the labor.

26. 01:38
    

    Tom

    Wait, wait. They ship the paint? How much is that?

27. 01:43
    

    Beth

    Well, you can't just buy it anywhere. Look at the depth of color.

28. 01:47
    

    Tom

    Oh, okay. You can't afford this, Charlotte. You are an out-of-work day bartender.

29. 01:51
    

    Beth

    Wrong. I'm an aspiring estate manager.

30. 01:55
    

    Wife

    Oh, God. What is an estate manager?

31. 01:57
    

    Tom

    She thinks she's going to find a rich person and just live in their house. You are living in a dream world, and you have painted it in this jackass million-dollar paint.

32. 02:06
    

    Beth

    Don't touch it! You'll ruin it!

33. 02:08
    

    Tom

    You can't touch the paint?

34. 02:10
    

    Beth

    No! The finish is too delicate. Once it's touched, it must be redone.

35. 02:15
    

    Tom

    Do you have any of the money Mom left you?

36. 02:17
    

    Beth

    No!

37. 02:18
    

    Tom

    No?

38. 02:19
    

    Beth

    I don't mean no. I mean, I don't know.

39. 02:22
    

    Wife

    Don't you rent this house?

40. 02:24
    

    Beth

    So? What does that mean?

41. 02:25
    

    Tom

    it means you're gonna have to paint it back whatever color now i'm saying it

42. 02:30
    

    Wife

    everyone just calm down

43. 02:33
    

    Beth

    well he just wants me to live in squalor

44. 02:35
    

    Johnny

    hey you guys all keep it down a little i'm trying to sleep in here

45. 02:39
    

    Tom

    who is this

46. 02:41
    

    Beth

    well this is my friend johnny

47. 02:45
    

    Tom

    are you sleeping with him

48. 02:47
    

    Beth

    Of course, Facebook Marketplace.

49. 02:53
    

    Johnny

    Just a little quiet, you guys.

50. 02:56
    

    Tom

    Oh, my God. What is your life?

51. 02:58
    

    Wife

    Beth, Tom isn't mad. We're just a little worried about you.

52. 03:02
    

    Beth

    Oh, don't you effing judge me right now.

53. 03:06
    

    Wife

    Beth, I know we haven't always gotten along, but we haven't been around much because of the baby.

54. 03:11
    

    Beth

    Oh, that baby's not even his.

55. 03:14
    

    Tom

    What?

56. 03:15
    

    Wife

    Beth, that's not what we're talking about right now. We're talking about Pharaoh and Baal.

57. 03:21
    

    Beth

    Well, I'm not talking about Pharaoh and Baal anymore. I'm talking about how that baby has your traitor's eyes.

58. 03:28
    

    Wife

    Are you drunk?

59. 03:29
    

    Beth

    Yes! A couple minutes, but, yes, I am drunk. Now, tell him.

60. 03:38
    

    Wife

    Beth.

61. 03:39
    

    Beth

    Tell him. Look at his eyes, Tom.

62. 03:42
    

    Wife

    No, no, no, he's sleeping. Don't look at his eyes. Look at the cologne.

63. 03:49
    

    Tom

    Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

64. 03:53
    

    Wife

    You're dead.

65. 03:53
    

    Beth

    Oh, you want to go? Then let's go. Just don't bump into the paint or you'll ruin it!

66. 03:58

    Here are best! No! Go for it! No!

67. 04:01

    Speaker 1

    Farrow and Ball. Each color tells a story.