Ultrasound

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:02
   

   Ultrasound Doctor

   Well, how are you feeling?

2. 00:03
   

   Patient

   Uh, you know what they say. The 12th month of pregnancy is always the hardest.

3. 00:08
   

   Ultrasound Doctor

   Well, okay, we just want to do one last ultrasound to make sure the twins are in the right position.

4. 00:13
   

   Patient

   Sounds good, Doc. Hit me with the cold-ass jelly.

5. 00:18
   

   Ultrasound Doctor

   Okay, let's, uh, take a look here. Oh, there they are. It's your beautiful babies.

6. 00:26
   

   Patient

   Oh, my God, I'm crying looking how cute they are. Okay, y'all, that image is Chris. I watched the Super Bowl on that thing.

7. 00:34
   

   Ultrasound Doctor

   Oh, looks like they're kicking. Oh. Okay. Now, would you say this is a typical amount of movement?

8. 00:42
   

   Patient

   Well, I did have three monster energy drinks this morning.

9. 00:45
   

   Ultrasound Doctor

   Okay, well, that's not recommended, but it does explain the break dancing.

10. 00:50
    

    Patient

    Hey, hey, let them go. Come on. now. Get it!

11. 00:55
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Does that Does that hurt?

12. 00:57
    

    Patient

    Well, I mean, that's what you get when your foam burner was one of the jabberwalkers.

13. 01:01
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Excuse me, what?

14. 01:02
    

    Patient

    Yeah, the sperm bank had, like, Ivy Leagues athletes and then just a full bind of jabberwockers.

15. 01:08
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Okay, well, just for future reference, you're gonna want to watch your caffeine intake. And, uh, no smoking, right?

16. 01:16
    

    Patient

    Uh, yeah, no, that's a big-time no-no.

17. 01:19
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Okay, respect. But what if the babies are smoking?

18. 01:22
    

    Patient

    Wait, what?

19. 01:25
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Yeah.

20. 01:27

    Baby

    My bad. My bad, my bad. Ooh, this thing is like an exhaust pipe lately. Slow down, y'all. Slow down. You gonna drive mama out, y'all. But

21. 01:39
    

    Patient

    why are they smoking cigarettes?

22. 01:41

    Baby

    Because it looks cool.

23. 01:45
    

    Patient

    Now, doctor, medically speaking, what are they doing with the umbilical cords?

24. 01:49
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Well, medically speaking, they appear to be jumping rope.

25. 01:55
    

    Patient

    Sorry, Sorry, I've been craving Flamin' Hot Cheetos lately. Damn, these things are hot.

26. 02:06
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Yeah, I can see that. Wow, you must have been Well, you might want to take it easy on the spicy foods.

27. 02:19
    

    Patient

    You know, Doc, I wasn't even sure I wanted to get pregnant. But then I lost two IUDs in a row, and I just took it as a sign, you know?

28. 02:26
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Well, I think I found them. Oh, come in!

29. 02:37
    

    Delivery Man

    Hi, I have a seamless delivery, Filet-O-Fish.

30. 02:39
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    I think you have the wrong room, sir. Nobody here ordered McDonald's.

31. 02:43
    

    Patient

    Oh, wait, wait. I think the baby's dead.

32. 02:46
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    what they have a

33. 02:47
    

    Patient

    phone cancer's gonna limit screen time like a loser

34. 02:55
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    what the hell

35. 02:58

    Baby

    what you waiting for get a kiss ain't fish come on there you go all right love you baby oh don't forget your tip bro come on there you go

36. 03:13
    

    Delivery Man

    Oh. No, I'm good.

37. 03:16
    

    Patient

    Oh, look at how happy they are.

38. 03:23
    

    Patient

    Man, they really chowed that thing down, ain't they?

39. 03:27

    Baby

    Ooh, excuse you.

40. 03:29
    

    Ultrasound Doctor

    Well, I have to say, I don't think babies should be eating Filet-O-Fish sandwiches in the womb.

41. 03:36
    

    Patient

    Wait a second. Where are they? Where did they go?

42. 03:42
    

    Patient

    Oh, my God. No!