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The Christmas Conversation
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Three women make video calls to tell their mothers they are staying away for Christmas because of the pandemic. One mother threatens to discard childhood keepsakes and pretends to fall, while another recruits her husband Ray to pressure their daughter. Marie faces a united front from her parents, who propose unsafe travel precautions and welcome visitors while insisting they are being careful. The calls eventually turn affectionate, although the mothers keep finding ways to slip in another appeal to come home.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 8
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I didn't raise a coward.
We love you conditionally?
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Paul Briganti
Director
Jasmine Pierce
Writer
Celeste Yim
Writer
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Heidi Gardner
Hi, honey. I miss you so much.
- 00:06
Lauren Holt
Hi, Mom. I miss you, too.
- 00:09
Punkie Johnson
You call me just in time. I'm just in here making gumbo. I bet you miss my cooking now, don't you?
- 00:17
Ego Nwodim
Aw. You know I do, Mama.
- 00:19
Marie
Hey, Mom.
- 00:20
Marie's mom
Hi. Wait. I look terrible right now. Do we have to screen time?
- 00:23
Marie
Mom, you look fine.
- 00:25
Lauren Holt
Okay. I was calling because I just wanted to let you know...
- 00:28
Ego Nwodim
Mama, I don't want you to get upset.
- 00:29
Daughter
I won't be able to come home for Christmas this year.
- 00:33
Heidi Gardner
Oh, honey, you do not need to come home for Christmas, okay? I just want you to be safe.
- 00:40
Lauren Holt
Really? Thanks, Mom.
- 00:42
Heidi Gardner
Yeah, and I guess since you won't be coming, I'll just throw your stocking in the fire.
- 00:47
Ego Nwodim
Mom! I just don't think it's safe.
- 00:49
Punkie Johnson
Okay. Let's talk about this later.
- 00:51
Ego Nwodim
When?
- 00:52
Punkie Johnson
When you've changed your damn mind.
- 00:54
Punkie Johnson
That's weird. She ain't coming home.
- 00:56
Marie
I just don't think it makes sense for me to travel right now.
- 00:58
Marie's mom
If you don't love me, Marie, just say so.
- 01:00
Marie
Oh, my God, Mom!
- 01:02
Marie's mom
I didn't raise a coward.
- 01:02
Heidi Gardner
I, uh, totally agree about Christmas. But I do need you to come home tonight. There has been an emergency. Because I actually put all your old stuff in bags, and I'll need you to tell me what to donate. So what about your first christening dress? Is this a keep or...?
- 01:18
Marie's dad
You know, your mother really misses you, right?
- 01:21
Marie
I know, Dad.
- 01:22
Marie's dad
Are you not getting that?
- 01:22
Marie
I know. I know.
- 01:24
Marie's dad
Is your heart not working, baby? This is your mother here.
- 01:27
Marie
I can tell.
- 01:27
Heidi Gardner
Oh, my God! Look at that. Your first track meet. Remember how fast you were? when you ran away from me halfway across the country to Chicago, and should I get rid of it? Great.
- 01:36
Punkie Johnson
We're being safe. We're even quarantining in different rooms.
- 01:39
Ego Nwodim
What? Why?
- 01:40
Punkie Johnson
For safety.
- 01:41
Ray
Hi, sweetie.
- 01:42
Punkie Johnson
Your daughter has decided not to come home for Christmas this year.
- 01:46
Ray
Oh, that's okay. We're gonna miss you, Pumpkin.
- 01:48
Punkie Johnson
No, it's not okay, Ray.
- 01:50
Ray
Uh, no, it's not okay, and you need to come home.
- 01:54
Marie's mom
Fine. We will fly to you.
- 01:56
Marie
Mom, no.
- 01:57
Marie's mom
Why? It's fine. I will quarantine in the plane bathroom.
- 02:00
Marie's dad
Great fix, darling, and Daddy will wear his racquetball goggles to keep the virus out of my eyes. How about that?
- 02:05
Marie
That's not how it works.
- 02:07
Marie's mom
What if I died in a plane crash?
- 02:09
Marie's dad
That's a great point.
- 02:10
Marie's mom
And that was the last thing you said to me. Think about your dead mother.
- 02:13
Marie
That can't happen if you don't fly on a plane.
- 02:16
Heidi Gardner
Oh, my God, the worst has happened. I've had a fall.
- 02:19
Lauren Holt
Mom, I know you didn't fall. You laid down very gingerly. I saw the whole thing.
- 02:24
Punkie Johnson
Ray, aren't you gonna say anything?
- 02:26
Ray
We love you unconditionally.
- 02:27
Punkie Johnson
No, not that.
- 02:29
Ray
We love you...conditionally? Just tell me what you want me to say,
- 02:33
I said.
- 02:33
Punkie Johnson
Are you seeing what you've done here? I hope you're proud of yourself.
- 02:36
Ego Nwodim
You guys are insane.
- 02:37
Mom
I never visited my own mother enough. I guess this is my punishment.
- 02:40
Punkie Johnson
And who you out there seeing that you can't come home, huh? I know you ain't got no man.
- 02:44
Ego Nwodim
Oh, my God. Mom.
- 02:45
Ray
Your mother and I are being super, super safe.
- 02:49
Marie's mom
Oh. That's probably Bob.
- 02:50
Marie's dad
Yep.
- 02:50
Marie
Excuse me. Who is Bob?
- 02:52
Marie's dad
Oh, Bob is Sophie's, uh, frontline worker husband. Bob, come in. Get in here. You guys, masks off. We're cool.
- 02:58
Marie
Please get these people out of your home.
- 03:00
Heidi Gardner
And I guess that's why I don't get to have a family for Christmas.
- 03:02
I didn't realize how much I like to be by myself.
- 03:05
Aah!
- 03:06
What's happening?
- 03:08
Marie's dad
All right, honey, honey, listen. We are going to miss you, but we're always gonna love you. Right here.
- 03:14
Marie
I love you, too.
- 03:15
Punkie Johnson
We still love you, baby.
- 03:16
Ray
We love you.
- 03:18
Heidi Gardner
I miss you. But I love you.
- 03:20
Lauren Holt
I love you, too, Mom.
- 03:21
Marie's mom
Would I love you more if you came home? I don't know who's to say. I'm kidding. I love you.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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