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McDonald's Firing
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
A manager gathers the crew at a struggling McDonald's and warns that sales are down and some people will have to go. Convinced they are the targets, Dana and Niff decide to go out on top and hand out blunt, bizarre farewell insults to each colleague in turn, from a coworker's cream-corn breath to the sad abandoned-doll vibe of fryer cook Carl. The rest of the staff, the new guy included, can barely get a word in while the manager keeps trying to calm things down. When the meeting finally reaches its decision, Dana and Niff turn out to be the top sellers, so the manager fires the mild-mannered Carl instead, who shrugs it off.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 14
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Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Yeah, Carl, you remind me of a doll no one wants to buy, so they just stop making that doll eventually.
Don't worry about me, easy come, easy go.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Gloria
Okay, all right, guys, staff, meeting, circle up, everybody, let's go. Oh, but, Carl, you stay on the fryer, you know, just in case, okay?
- 00:07
Carl
You count on me, boss, all right.
- 00:09
Gloria
Thanks. Oh, unfortunately, this is the kind of meeting I just, I hate. I, I, I warned you guys I had some bad news. Well, sales are down, so we got to make some cutbacks. I'm going to have to let some people go.
- 00:21
Niff
Oh, yeah, right. We know who you're going to fire.
- 00:24
Dana
Yeah, we know it's us.
- 00:25
Niff
You all hate us.
- 00:27
Dana
And we hate all you.
- 00:28
Gloria
you guys guys just please let me finish
- 00:31
Niff
no no cuz if you fire in us then we going out on top like Seinfeld I got a farewell card for all y'all tricks
- 00:38
Dana
Angie you a jerk you just mean
- 00:41
Niff
yeah you as mean as a junkyard dog
- 00:44
Dana
Angie and I wish you was never born into this world
- 00:47
Niff
you a bitch
- 00:49
Dana
yeah
- 00:49
Niff
you're a bitch Angie
- 00:51
Gloria
okay guys just please just stop
- 00:53
Niff
no we just getting started
- 00:55
Dana
Jordan, Brian.
- 00:57
Niff
Oh, Brian. Every day I wake up and I think, yo, is today the day that I punch that fool Brian until he dies?
- 01:05
Dana
Brian, your breath smell like cream corn, and you ain't even eat no cream corn today.
- 01:11
Niff
Ooh, your turn, Kimmy. Ooh, Kimmy.
- 01:14
Dana
Kimmy, are you always on your period? Big period.
- 01:20
Niff
Yeah, you should be at the end of a sentence, you huge period.
- 01:23
Dana
It'd be creeping me out.
- 01:24
Gloria
Oh, okay, guys, guys, this is inappropriate.
- 01:27
Niff
I'll tell you what's inappropriate, Andrew. Oh, Andrew, you ain't got nothing behind those eyes. You a sneak.
- 01:36
Dana
Yeah, you're Andrew, I'm pretty sure you're a serial
- 01:42
Niff
a real killer. And if you're looking for someone to kill next, might I suggest Nelliot?
- 01:48
Dana
Oh, Nelliot. Oh, you are a moosehead moron, Nelliot.
- 01:53
Niff
And by the way, what the hell kind of name is Nelliot?
- 01:57
Nelliot
Well, your name is Niff.
- 01:58
Niff
Yeah, it's short for Kenneth, bitch
- 02:02
Gloria
Okay, okay, guys Get out of here
- 02:05
Dana
Okay, who's next?
- 02:07
Niff
Ooh, Don You look like an ape with a bow cut, man I want to knife you in the chest
- 02:14
Dana
Don, you a thief You stole my heart I loved you
- 02:17
Don
What? This is the first I've heard of this, Dana I'm married
- 02:21
Dana
That's on you
- 02:22
Niff
Yeah, Don, you dropped the ball, Don You dropped the ball
- 02:26
Gloria
All right, guys, come on, that's enough
- 02:28
Dana
Six more Beverly don't you even think you're getting off easy Beverly just cuz you still got no power yeah I know you copied those mad libs Beverly ain't nobody that funny no hell no
- 02:42
Niff
and now let's talk about Seth Bogan for a minute quit talking about how your name sounds like Seth Rogan's bitch it does but that ain't a story it's a story got a beginning a middle and an end that's barely an anecdote
- 02:58
Dana
yeah
- 02:58
Niff
Yeah, you a bitch, Seth Bogans!
- 03:00
Dana
Bitch!
- 03:00
Gloria
Guys, guys.
- 03:01
Niff
No, no, we got rights! And if you're gonna fire us, then you gotta hear us out!
- 03:06
Dana
Hey, new guy! What's your name again?
- 03:08
Randy
Uh, I'm Randy. I've worked here for six months.
- 03:10
Niff
Oh, I'm Randy. I've worked here for six months.
- 03:12
Dana
Yo, this is Randy talking to Randy.
- 03:15
Niff
A-duh! Ba-da-ba-ba-ba!
- 03:18
Dana
Go kill yourself!
- 03:20
Randy
Damn! Damn!
- 03:22
Gloria
Did you guys rehearse this?
- 03:24
Dana
Maybe!
- 03:26
Niff
Ooh, Martha! I never liked you!
- 03:28
Dana
Guess what? We all know you're a bitch!
- 03:30
Niff
I know you smoke in the beef fridge.
- 03:31
Dana
Yeah, people gotta eat that beef, Martha. And by the way, I saw your weird leg, Martha. Bitch look like a cheese doodle.
- 03:39
Niff
What did you get, burned?
- 03:41
Martha
Yes.
- 03:45
Dana
Patrick at?
- 03:49
Gloria
He called in sick.
- 03:50
Niff
Get that fool on the phone.
- 03:52
Dana
You Get a cheaper haircut! sound dumb on the phone.
- 04:00
Speaker 1
Who is this?
- 04:01
Niff
Click.
- 04:01
Gloria
Right, right, you've insulted everyone.
- 04:05
Niff
Oh, no, no, no, because then there was Carl.
- 04:09
Dana
Carl, ooh, Carl, hot dog, my ears are ringing.
- 04:14
Niff
Carl, you are the worst of them all.
- 04:17
Dana
Yeah, man, you too old to be working at McDonald's, you hefty numbskull.
- 04:21
Niff
Yeah, Carl, you remind me of a doll no one wants to buy, so they just stop making that doll eventually.
- 04:27
Dana
Yeah, you a goofy gus, Carl, and no one wants to come to your above-ground pool, so stop asking.
- 04:32
Niff
You a mushroom pup.
- 04:34
Dana
You a old boot.
- 04:35
Gloria
All right, Dana, Nip, I'm not firing you. and you, you're my top sellers and customers love you. I'm firing Carl.
- 04:44
Carl
Whoa, well, now I feel like an old boot.
- 04:47
Gloria
I'm sorry, Carl, that is tough. I know you just bought that above-ground pool.
- 04:52
Carl
Don't worry about me, easy come, easy go.
- 04:55
Gloria
Oh, such a good guy. All right, guys, good meeting, okay? But those nuggets ain't gonna make themselves.
- 05:02
Gloria
Yeah, come on, hands in, McDonald's on three. One, two, three.
- 05:06
Dana
That makes sense, you didn't do that.
- 05:08
Niff
I don't understand. We said bitch a lot.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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