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Shana: Ski Retreat
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Shana joins a ski retreat party at a mountain lodge hosted by the boss, Mr. Jergs, where three admiring coworkers have been talking her up all afternoon. Every move she makes to turn the room on, from shedding her jacket to poking the fireplace to working a pole in the corner, lands as sexier in her mind than on the floor, until each routine curdles into something messier. Her chatty stories keep escalating the awkwardness, while Mr. Jergs stays charmed and Gretchen, the cook who made the strawberries, watches the whole show go sideways. It ends on one last unwelcome confession from Shana and a delighted reaction from the boss.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Is it warm in here? Or is it just because I'm wearing my jacket inside.
It's so funny how you don't want fire in your house, but when it's in a fireplace, it's okay.
I pooped my ski pants.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
Man, this is the best retreat yet. I can't believe Mr. Jergs took us all skiing.
- 00:05
Speaker 1
Yeah, and to have this private party for us in the lodge? Man, he went all out. Hey, uh, Gretchen, where's that new sexy girl, Shana?
- 00:12
Gretchen
Ugh, is that all you guys ever talk about, Shana?
- 00:15
Speaker 1
I saw her from behind on the bunny slope today. I tell you, that was a sight to see. I hope she's coming to this thing.
- 00:20
Speaker 1
Me, too, if you know what I mean.
- 00:22
Speaker 1
I do know what you mean.
- 00:24
Speaker 1
I know what you mean, as well.
- 00:27
Gretchen
God, she'll be here.
- 00:31
Mr. Jergs
Hey, guys. How's everybody doing?
- 00:33
Gretchen
Oh, look, Mr. Jergs. I made your favorite. Chocolate-covered strawberries from scratch.
- 00:38
Mr. Jergs
Oh, aw, thanks. Where's Shana?
- 00:40
Gretchen
She's coming.
- 00:46
Mr. Jergs
Terrific. Wonderful.
- 00:47
Shana
Get I'm sorry I'm late for this little get together.
- 00:54
Mr. Jergs
Shana, I am so happy to see you.
- 00:57
Shana
Oh, wait, Mr. Jergs. That looks like a very cozy and cushy and squishy sweater.
- 01:04
Mr. Jergs
It is cozy. I mean, cushy. You know, soft, whatever. Thick, soft. You just got me flustered. Ooh. That is some hot piece of fruit.
- 01:13
Speaker 1
She is fantastic. Downright double sexy, y'all.
- 01:17
Shana
I'm Is it warm in here? Or is it just because I'm wearing my jacket inside?
- 01:22
Gretchen
It's because you're wearing your jacket inside.
- 01:25
Shana
Ooh, then I guess I better take it off.
- 01:39
Mr. Jergs
Hubba hubba. I want her to do that again.
- 01:42
Speaker 1
I wish she had a second jacket under that jacket that she could take off for us.
- 01:46
Speaker 1
Me, too, as well.
- 01:48
Gretchen
Don't one of you go fix the fire? It looks like it's about to go out.
- 01:52
Shana
Oh, wait. I'm jealous. I want to do it. It's so funny how you don't want fire in your house, but when it's in a fireplace, it's okay.
- 02:05
Mr. Jergs
That is true. Well, go fix it if you want to.
- 02:08
Shana
Can I? Sorry, guess I got a little excited there. Okay. Okay. Here I go. Oh, this is gonna be good.
- 02:38
Speaker 1
Wasn't That wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
- 02:47
Speaker 1
No, it was not.
- 02:49
Mr. Jergs
That was not sexy. You guys want no sex if you sit on your face and say, Where's my butt?
- 02:57
Shana
Ooh, hot chocolate. Oh, but there's too much whipped cream to take a sip.
- 03:01
Speaker 1
You can lick it off. You can lick it off. Just lick it off. Just lick it off.
- 03:05
Shana
I'd better suck a little off the top.
- 03:07
Mr. Jergs
Oh, that's it.
- 03:14
Shana
I did it!
- 03:30
Mr. Jergs
Yes, you did. Did she now?
- 03:34
Gretchen
Uh, my strawberries are being passed around if anyone wants them. Would you like a strawberry, Mr. Jergs?
- 03:42
Mr. Jergs
Yes, I do. For Shana.
- 03:44
Shana
Ooh. Oh, I can't. And I won't tell you why. But if I did, it's a really big fun happening story.
- 03:51
Mr. Jergs
Oh, we love happening stories. We sure do. Love happening stories.
- 03:54
Speaker 1
Yeah, tell it.
- 03:55
Shana
Okay, well, listen to this. My doctor said I can't eat strawberries because of all the little seeds. See, they get stuck in my intestinal wall because I got pockets in there. And then they fill up and form clumps that go rotten and get real hard and stinky.
- 04:14
Mr. Jergs
I think I'm gonna be sick. Hey, man, she's a human being. I love her open sexiness.
- 04:26
Shana
A place to dance in a stereo. I think I'm gonna turn it on and rock my body.
- 04:33
Mr. Jergs
What a great idea. I love watching people solo dance. All right, now this is more like it.
- 04:46
Shana
Oh, I wish this pole didn't have girls on it. I could show you what I learned in my stupid sweatpants.
- 04:52
Mr. Jergs
Let me help you with that. That was superior.
- 05:22
Speaker 1
Okay, I'm gonna go sit outside in the snow.
- 05:24
Speaker 1
Yeah, I'm gonna go with you.
- 05:25
Speaker 1
Yeah, me too, as well. Thanks a lot, Gretchen.
- 05:30
Mr. Jergs
Hey, take this with you. Shout out. Shana, I think I'm gonna rent a snowmobile. Would you like to travel around the lodge just in circles with me?
- 05:41
Shana
Ooh, I don't know what to say. And when I do know what to say, I giggle. Excuse me. That's not my laugh.
- 05:49
Mr. Jergs
You are a polished diamond.
- 05:57
Shana
Oh, so are you. I Oops, this is funny. I just realized a bunch of tiny little turds squeezed out when I did that last lift. I pooped my ski pants. I turned it all inside my ski pants.
- 06:17
Mr. Jergs
That is a woman that could hold my interest for a long time.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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