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TV Funhouse: The Narrator That Ruined Christmas

Saturday Night Live 2001 Season 27 Episode 9

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A grumpy stop-motion snowman narrator refuses to tell the Christmas story, convinced it's trivial next to the news, until Santa lays into him at a barricaded Ground Zero.

Watch on YouTube

Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

In a Rankin/Bass-style Christmastown, the abominable snow monster threatens the North Pole, but the folksy snowman who narrates the holiday special loses heart: with the country at war and under siege, he decides storytelling is meaningless and storms off. Rudolph, Hermey and the misfit toys beg him to come back, while Mrs. Claus and Santa learn that he has gone downtown to make himself useful. At the scene he pushes to the front of a crowd of rescue workers, gets stonewalled by police, and is finally scolded by Santa, who tells him an entertainer's job is to entertain, not grandstand. Chastened, he restarts the story from the top, and a puppet Tom Brokaw interrupts with an NBC News bulletin about a 45-minute national alert before the show returns to its bumper.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 6

Robert Smigel

Sam the Snowman / Announcer / Police Officer

Narrator

Profile photo

Amy Poehler

Rudolph / Kids

Reindeer

Profile photo

Chris Parnell

Tom Brokaw

News Anchor

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Let's all worry about some crappy-ass snow monster. Come on, folks. You watch CNN.

It's my responsibility as someone in the public eye. When they see me, it'll help.

You're an entertainer. It's a simple job, okay? Do a dance, show us your boobs, and make us happy, monkey.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

ScriptEnglish · 37 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:00
Announcer
Saturday TV Funhouse is sponsored by TV Funhouse 100-Proof Tequila. Eat the words responsibly.
00:11
Saturday TV Funhouse! TV Funhouse! Come back here with more shows! TV Funhouse!
00:20
Sam the Snowman
If I live to be 100, I'll never forget that big snowstorm here at Christmastown. The weather closed in only two days before Christmas Eve, and it all started from the cave of the abominable snow monster. He was as mean and big as the whole North Pole, Oh, and no one knew how to stop. I'm sorry.
00:45
Sam the Snowman
It just all seems so trivial right now. I mean, we're still in Afghanistan. This country's under siege. You know, we're getting warnings every week. And what are we talking about here? An abominable snow monster? Ooh, a snow monster. I'm so scared. Let's all worry about some crappy-ass snow monster. Come on, folks. You watch CNN. I'm holding three months of Cipro up my butthole, and I'm supposed to pick up a freaking banjo and sing? Screw it. I can't do this.
01:31
Kids
where'd he go I think he's mad. So Rudolph isn't going to be safe from the snow monster this year? I'm scared.
01:41
Sam the Snowman
Don't you get it? It's not important anymore.
01:45
Kids
Huh? Don't make him angrier.
01:51
...air strikes, done in by fierce fighting. It has not been lost, though, a move of one model is clearly getting closer. A word from U.S. officials late tonight is that our Afghan allies seem to be capturing...
02:03
Kids
Mr. Snowman?
02:04
Sam the Snowman
Huh? Hey, can't you see I'm busy?
02:08
Kids
But what about all the misfit toys?
02:11
Sam the Snowman
Oh, no one gives it.
02:15
Kids
Come on, Sam. Won't you tell the story? We want to save Christmas.
02:19
Sam the Snowman
Oh, yeah? Well, this Christmas we're going to do something that matters. Meet us downtown.
02:24
Santa Claus
No snowstorm, no snow monster. What's happening this year?
02:31
Mrs. Claus
Oh, it's that narrating snowman. He's so full of himself, he even left Christmastown to meet some children.
02:38
Santa Claus
Well, where'd they go?
02:40
Mrs. Claus
I don't like Ground Zero.
02:43
Sam the Snowman
I don't care. It's my responsibility as someone in the public eye. When they see me, it'll help.
02:51
Kids
And why do we have to give blood? don't they have enough already
02:54
Sam the Snowman
trust me you need to give blood more than they don't need to get it I'm here to give these men a boost
03:06
Police Officer
you can't come through here they're very busy right this way mr. Stiller
03:11
Sam the Snowman
hey why does Jerry stiller get through I'm the narrator from Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
03:18
Police Officer
well Well, I don't see you in that rating.
03:20
Sam the Snowman
My left nut's more famous than Jerry Skinner.
03:24
Police Officer
Santa? Santa? Right this way, Mr. Claus.
03:30
Sam the Snowman
Hey, what the f***?
03:32
Santa Claus
That's all right. Sam, I understand this is a difficult time, but telling the story of Rudolph is just what you should be doing. You should bring happiness to the children every year.
03:45
Sam the Snowman
Santa, please. I don't think it's appropriate.
03:49
Santa Claus
It's not about you, douchebag. No one needs your self-important grandstanding, don't you see? You showbiz types are just trying to shift the focus away from the crisis and onto yourselves. You're an entertainer. It's a simple job, okay? Do a dance, show us your boobs, and make us happy, monkey.
04:11
Kids
Yay!
04:14
Santa Claus
We know you're important with thoughts in your head, but it's hard for us to take it. So get back in your cage, paint your ass red, and Shake, shake, shake it. And shake, shake, shake it.
04:32
Sam the Snowman
Okay. I guess I have been a bit of a skid mark. Let's start from the beginning.
04:39
Kids
Yay!
04:40
Sam the Snowman
If I live to be 100, I'll never forget that big snowstorm here at Christmas.
04:46
Tom Brokaw
This is an NBC News special report. The FBI has placed the nation on a 45-minute alert. For the next 45 minutes, it, citizens are advised to panic and not to enjoy themselves. I'm Tom Brokaw. We now rejoin our regular programming.
05:06
Have a Saturday TV fun house. It's the best time ever. Thank you. Let's go!