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Celebrity Jeopardy!
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Alex Trebek returns to Celebrity Jeopardy!, blaming Regis Philbin's rival quiz for its revival, and finds Sean Connery taunting him, Keanu Reeves deep in negative money and Hilary Swank leading with nothing. Connery reads Foreign Flicks as a list of women he has kissed, Reeves invents categories and confuses Urple with Steve Urkel, and a Ricky Martin Video Daily Double about whether his hot tea is hot or cold stumps everyone. Final Jeopardy is downgraded to writing anything at all, which still produces a blank answer, and Swank closes with an acceptance-style speech that thanks everyone except a sobbing Chad Lowe in the audience.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I know Kung Fu.
Did I win? Because there's some people I need to thank.
Eleventy billion dollars. That's not even a real number.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Three weeks before this episode, Hilary Swank won the Best Actress Oscar for Boys Don't Cry and famously forgot to thank her husband, Chad Lowe, in her acceptance speech.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:12
Alex Trebek
Celebrity Jeopardy! I thought we were done with this but Regis Philbin, that mongrel idiot, decided to do a celebrity millionaire and network competition being what it is, I stand before you a broken and miserable man. Let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new Jeopardy record for futility with
- 00:34
Sean Connery
With, shuck on it, Trebek, shuck it long and shuck it hard.
- 00:42
Alex Trebek
That's beautiful. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
- 00:45
Sean Connery
No, but I did something to your mother with this mouth.
- 00:48
Alex Trebek
OK. Why? Keanu Reeves has an impressive negative $32,000.
- 00:57
Keanu Reeves
I know kung fu.
- 01:03
Alex Trebek
For the last time, no, you don't. and finally hillary swank in a commanding lead with zero
- 01:13
Hilary Swank
did i win because there's some people i need to thank
- 01:20
Alex Trebek
let's just take a look at the board and the categories are potent potables foreign flicks
- 01:30
Alex Trebek
things trebek sucks wait all right oh dear let's continue
- 01:46
Alex Trebek
potpourri Three, hot or cold, what ears do, is this a hat, that's where I name an object and you tell whether or not it's a hat. And finally, colors that end in erpel. Hilary Swank, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.
- 02:13
Hilary Swank
I'm a girlie now.
- 02:16
Alex Trebek
Let's just go with foreign flicks for 800.
- 02:20
Sean Connery
Ursula Andrush.
- 02:21
Alex Trebek
What?
- 02:22
Sean Connery
Ursula Adrish, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo Twyche.
- 02:27
Alex Trebek
That's foreign flicks, Mr. Connery. Foreign flicks. Mr. Reeves, why don't you pick?
- 02:40
Keanu Reeves
I shall take balloons for 800, if you please.
- 02:44
Alex Trebek
That's not a category.
- 02:46
Keanu Reeves
My mistake. I shall choose balloons for 600.
- 02:49
Alex Trebek
I tell you what, let's do colors that end in erpo. For 800. This color ends in erpel. Hilary Swank.
- 03:03
Hilary Swank
What is light, erpel?
- 03:08
Alex Trebek
Wow. Keanu Reeves.
- 03:12
Keanu Reeves
I will venture a guess. Who is Jaleel White?
- 03:18
Alex Trebek
What?
- 03:19
Keanu Reeves
Is that not the gentleman who played Erpel, the humorous fellow with the glasses who loves cheese?
- 03:25
Alex Trebek
That's Urkel. Oh, good, Mr. Connery wants to say something.
- 03:31
Sean Connery
I thought of some more foreign ladies I snogged.
- 03:36
Alex Trebek
Let's just go to hot or cold for 400. And it's a video daily double. Here goes nothing. Please take a look at your video monitors. None of you knows. No one can figure out if the hot tea is hot or cold. Thank God, Keanu Reeves.
- 04:26
Keanu Reeves
is it iced tea
- 04:28
Alex Trebek
no it's hot tea
- 04:30
Keanu Reeves
well then I have no idea
- 04:32
Alex Trebek
let's just go to final jeopardy the category is oh come on why would they do this the category is famous mothers
- 04:44
Sean Connery
my day has come
- 04:47
Alex Trebek
not going to give you the satisfaction the new The new category is anything, write anything, just write. Use your arm, hand, and special pen and move the pen around, scribble if you want to, just make some kind of mark. Okay, let's get this over with. Sean Connery, you wrote down below. I don't know why you wrote that but technically that's a correct answer you did write something let's see what you wagered me I don't get it
- 05:41
Sean Connery
oh I'll bet you do your Canadian punch
- 05:43
Alex Trebek
proud day for you and your family
- 05:48
Alex Trebek
Keanu Reeves you You look rather pleased. Let's see what you wrote down. Nothing. The question was right anything, and you got it wrong. I'm speechless. Let's see what you wagered. $11 billion. That's not even a real number.
- 06:11
Keanu Reeves
Yet.
- 06:13
Alex Trebek
Simply amazing. And finally, Hilary Swank.
- 06:17
Hilary Swank
Thanks, Alex. I'm so honored to have been here today. So many people I have to thank. I couldn't have done it without Alex Trebek, the incredible cast and crew of Jeopardy!, my publicist, who is a beautiful human being.
- 06:32
Hilary Swank
That's it.
- 06:34
Alex Trebek
Touching. That's all for Jeopardy! Regis, you can have him. Good night.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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