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Celebrity Jeopardy!
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In the fourth Celebrity Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek opens Double Jeopardy with Sean Connery and Jeff Goldblum deep in negative scores and Minnie Driver leading with nothing. Connery mangles category names and taunts Trebek, Driver throws out random guesses, and Goldblum drifts into rambling half-answers. A clue that spells out the current president's name still goes unanswered, and a Final Jeopardy asking for any single letter produces a rude drawing, an eye and a number.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Literature, which is just a big word for books
I'll take The Rapists for $200.
Three perfectly good charities have been deprived of money here on Celebrity Jeopardy.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
David Duchovny, who played Jeff Goldblum here, had been a real contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy! in 1995.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:08
Alex Trebek
Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy! We've got quite a contest going on here. Let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery is in second place with negative $6,500.
- 00:21
Sean Connery
Only on account of villainy.
- 00:24
Alex Trebek
Great. Minnie Driver is in first with a commanding score of zero.
- 00:29
Minnie Driver
What is history?
- 00:32
Alex Trebek
We haven't started playing yet. And finally, Jeff Goldblum with an incredible negative $17,800.
- 00:42
Jeff Goldblum
Well, um, yes, I suppose I do.
- 00:53
Alex Trebek
Better luck to all of you in the next round. It's time for Double Jeopardy! Let's take a look at the board. And the categories are... Potent Potables, Literature, which is just a big word for books, Therapists, Yes, current U.S. presidents, show and tell, household objects, and finally, one-letter words. Anyway, Jeff Goldblum, you are in third place, so the board is yours.
- 01:25
Jeff Goldblum
Well, this is Jeopardy. Seeing as there are one, two, three, four, five, six, ah, seven, seven different categories, I would...
- 01:39
Alex Trebek
Right, Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?
- 01:40
Sean Connery
it looks like this is my lucky day i'll take the rapists for 200.
- 01:48
Alex Trebek
that's therapists that's that's therapists not the rapists let's skip therapists and try household objects for 400 and the answer is you usually drink water out of one of these sean connery
- 02:15
Sean Connery
a leather glove
- 02:19
Alex Trebek
no mini driver
- 02:21
Minnie Driver
a toilet
- 02:22
Alex Trebek
that is awful jeff goldblum and you're an idiot the answer was a glass
- 02:40
Sean Connery
then the day is mine
- 02:42
Alex Trebek
technically it's still mr goldblum's board but since he is a human in wasteland I'll let mr. Connery pick again
- 02:52
Sean Connery
oh I'll play your game you rogue let's try the rapists for 20
- 03:00
Alex Trebek
how about show-and-tell for 600 I'll just show you an object and you'll tell me what it is
- 03:12
Sean Connery
okay it's a man with a mustache
- 03:15
Alex Trebek
no mr. Mr. Connery, I'm not the object. I haven't shown it to you yet. Here it is. Name this object. Mini driver.
- 03:30
Minnie Driver
It's a popsicle.
- 03:32
Alex Trebek
No. Jeff Goldblum, name this object.
- 03:37
Jeff Goldblum
Yes, uh, thank you. That's a, um... Uh, what do you call it when you, um... when you punish criminals in, uh, days of yore? It was, um... And you'd put them in the, uh, the square in those... You know, uh...
- 03:52
Alex Trebek
You mean in the stocks or a pillory?
- 03:55
Jeff Goldblum
Yes, exactly.
- 03:58
Alex Trebek
It's a frigging hammer.
- 04:01
Jeff Goldblum
Well, of course it is.
- 04:03
Sean Connery
Now, listen to me, you back-off Trebek. You wouldn't have known that if you didn't have that card in front of you. This guy reads from a card.
- 04:14
Alex Trebek
Whatever. Let's move on to current U.S. presidents for 400 and the answer is he is the current US president he has white hair and you've probably seen him in the news his first name is Bill mr. Goldbloom I know for a fact you had dinner with him recently his last name is Clinton his name is Bill Clinton please someone simply say who is Bill Clinton someone Someone just say it, anyone. And the show has reached a new low.
- 04:55
Sean Connery
Cock of the walk!
- 05:00
Alex Trebek
All right, let's just move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is letters of the alphabet. All you have to do is write down a letter. Any letter at all, for instance, A or G. Okay, for the sake of tradition, let's take a look at the answers. Sean Connery, you wrote... That is definitely not a letter.
- 05:45
Sean Connery
beautiful just beautiful
- 05:50
Alex Trebek
mini driver let's see what you wrote you drew a picture of an eye
- 05:55
Minnie Driver
well I is a letter isn't it
- 05:58
Alex Trebek
are you English or retarded let's go to Jeff Goldblum who appears to still be doing Tai Chi see what your answer was the number two
- 06:10
Jeff Goldblum
ha ha ha the letter to my friend
- 06:14
Alex Trebek
no two is a a number.
- 06:16
Jeff Goldblum
I can't read or write.
- 06:20
Alex Trebek
Good for you. Well, as always, three perfectly good charities have been deprived of money here on Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm Alex Trebek, and the three of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Good night.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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