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Britney and K-Fed Christmas
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Because I keep dropping him every time I see shiny things.
Yo, if she tried to divorce me, I would kill her, yo.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Introduced as guests who will clear the air about their public life, a bleach-blonde Britney and a Santa-hatted, tank-topped Kevin bounce on stage wishing everyone happy holidays and shouting about hot dogs. They swear they are not heading for a divorce, though his idea of reassurance is a threat, and she boasts about their baby before summoning the woman they hired to carry him because she keeps dropping him. The infant produces a smell and a scramble, a pile of kisses and misplaced affection, and the pair close by announcing a Christmas lullaby for viewers to sing to their own babies, which dissolves into repeated shouts of Merry Christmas.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Speaker 1
Ladies and gentlemen, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Ladies
- 00:12
Britney Spears
Hey y'all, happy holidays, and gentlemen,
- 00:20
Britney Spears
Matt TV said that if K-Fed and I came on the show, then we could clear the air about our relationship. And that I could have all the hot dogs that I could fit in my mouth and pockets. Hot dogs, bitches!
- 00:32
Kevin Federline
Mmm, I'm hungry! Yo, come here and get some of this.
- 00:38
Britney Spears
Oh, yum.
- 00:40
Britney Spears
But seriously, y'all, Kevin and I are doing just fine, okay? We're not going to get a divorce.
- 00:45
Kevin Federline
Yo, if she tried to divorce me, I would kill her, yo.
- 00:49
Britney Spears
I'll kill you.
- 00:50
Britney Spears
Oh, my God, you are so funny.
- 00:53
Britney Spears
No, but seriously, how can we not be happy when we have a little baby? Maria, bring out our baby.
- 00:58
Britney Spears
Um, I had to hire a Mexico person to hold on to him. Because I keep dropping him every time I see shiny things.
- 01:07
Britney Spears
Or chicken fingers.
- 01:08
Kevin Federline
Oh, chicken fingers. Yo, I'll put honey mustard on those little bitches, yo. Damn.
- 01:13
Britney Spears
Maria, come out.
- 01:17
Kevin Federline
Oh, yeah. Yo, that came out of there, yo.
- 01:21
Britney Spears
You're so romantic. That's right.
- 01:23
Britney Spears
Hi, my baby. I love you, little Preston Applebee's Cheetos Spears. Better laugh.
- 01:33
Britney Spears
Hi, you were safe.
- 01:36
Britney Spears
Ew, ew, Kevin, it smells funny. Make it go away.
- 01:40
Britney Spears
Oh, oh, um, uh, Bobanos. Bobanos. Poor Bobanos. Poor David. Poor David Bobanos. Nordita, Nordita. Gracious, gracious.
- 01:49
Britney Spears
Wow, so, Kevin, that was really scary. Could you hold me?
- 01:53
Kevin Federline
Come here, you little slut.
- 01:58
Britney Spears
Oh, God.
- 01:59
Kevin Federline
you taste so good
- 02:01
Britney Spears
yeah like hot dogs what's up later
- 02:04
Britney Spears
we're so glad that we got to come here and clear everything up so we now would just like to leave y'all with a little Christmas lullaby that we wrote so y'all could sing it to y'all's babies
- 02:17
Kevin Federline
yeah don't hit that music you idiot
- 02:20
Britney Spears
Oh, what? What? What? What?
- 02:22
Britney Spears
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Merry Christmas, baby. Baby. B-b-b-b-baby. It means so much to me. Merry Christmas.
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