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How Winona Stole Christmas
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
In an animated parody of the Grinch's holiday special, a rhyming narrator describes the Whos of Whoville finishing their Christmas shopping at the mall while a green, long-haired Winona plots to take everything for free. She boasts that she will shoplift all of Christmas and blame it on movie research, swallows a handful of pills for courage, and gets serenaded by a chorus telling her she is a rich, young kleptomaniac. Her haul includes stacks of hats and designer clothes, until a tiny security guard spots the price tags and she flees down the up escalator to her limousine, where paparazzi turn the escapade into the evening news. The narrator closes by thanking her for teaching the Whos that the true meaning of the season is celebrity gossip.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
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Highly quotable.
I'll just shoplift all of Christmas this year.
Why are you wearing clothes with price tags on? Why?
I know this is your first offense, but I do hope you go to jail just because of all of your acting roles in period pieces.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors.
- 00:04
All the Whos at the Who Mall did their Christmas buying.
- 00:08
Paying with indebted cards, with cash tockles a-flying.
- 00:12
But while the Whos were engaged in their buying spree,
- 00:16
Winona Plot Plotted to get her shopping for free.
- 00:21
No one knows why she was not poor at all.
- 00:25
But some say that her conscience was three sizes too small.
- 00:30
I don't need to purchase. I don't need to buy. I don't need to kiss my flash money goodbye.
- 00:38
I won't even need a girl.
- 00:40
The young actress gets near.
- 00:43
I'll just shoplift all of Christmas this year. I'll simply go as me, a celebrity snurch.
- 00:49
Then if I get caught, I'll just say it's research for a Cooleywood smoothie here in Hooverly Hills.
- 00:56
And to give me some courage, I'll just down these pills.
- 01:01
Miss
- 01:04
you're a klepto misrider
- 01:08
Ryder, miss and rich and young
- 01:14
You've got fingers that are stickier than a tar-stained smoker's rung
- 01:18
Miss Ryder
- 01:21
I know this is your first offense, but I do hope you go to jail
- 01:25
Just because of all of your acting roles in period pieces
- 01:31
She stole Daintinglers, Goosebuzz, Snetterwigs, and Furbliners.
- 01:36
In fact, she snatched clothes from all the major designers.
- 01:41
And then hat upon hat upon hat upon hat,
- 01:45
so that you'd never seen Hathead so terribly flat.
- 01:49
But just before leaving a shop with so blue,
- 01:53
t'was a security who, who was no more than two feet tall.
- 01:58
Winona, Winona, Winona, why?
- 02:01
Why are you wearing clothes with price tags on? Why?
- 02:05
And you know what that bitch did?
- 02:07
Do you know what she'd done?
- 02:09
She turned away fast and she started to run
- 02:12
the wrong way down upscalators through spectacular doors
- 02:15
to her glimazine waiting outside the stores.
- 02:17
And the hooparazzi snapped flashes
- 02:20
and on television, who's news?
- 02:22
It was the biggest hap happening, one of the biggest who's coos.
- 02:25
So thank you, Winona, during this holiday season, for reminding the Who's of the true Christmas reason.
- 02:33
It's not about Who's-chins, Who's-lums, or Who-Jews, for embracing, one and all, the celebrity news.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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