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UBS Guy: Stud
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Dropping off overnight packages, Jaq the UBS guy fumbles his way from praising Marjorie's new haircut to asking her on a date, with dinner, a movie or go-karts on the table. While he runs off for his dolly, her co-worker and then their boss Cheryl each gush about how irresistible he is, in increasingly unfiltered terms, and the women trade confessions while Jaq cheerfully works around them. When he comes back he helps Marjorie tape up a box, she suddenly says yes, and the two leave together while the others stay behind to compare notes.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I bet you that man is a sex machine.
Oh, he is a sex demon.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:09
Marjorie's Co-worker
Hey Margie Hey, Margie.
- 00:11
Marjorie
Oh, the overnight packages are right over there.
- 00:14
Jaq
Oh, okay. Oh, hey. Hey, Margie. Did you do something to your hair?
- 00:17
Marjorie
Oh, I got a little trim.
- 00:19
Jaq
Oh, hey. It looks good. I mean, it looks really good. I mean, I thought it looked good before, you know, like it couldn't possibly look any better, but it does.
- 00:28
Marjorie
Thank you.
- 00:29
Jaq
Yeah, I mean, that's a great haircut. Yeah, I mean, it'd be great for like, you know, going out somewhere, you know. I mean, that's, you know, some haircuts are like, you know, whoa, put a hat on, you know. That one, that was like, I'd say, you know, hey, take me out, you know.
- 00:40
Marjorie
Is there something on your mind, Jaq?
- 00:43
Jaq
Whoa, how'd you know? Um, actually, I was wondering, you know, if you wanted to, like, you know, go out?
- 00:49
Marjorie
Like, on a date?
- 00:51
Jaq
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'd, like, pick you up and we'd, like, you know, go to dinner or a movie or go-karts. You like go-karts? I love go-karts. They're like little cars, only, like, little.
- 01:01
Marjorie
Um, that is so sweet of you to ask. Um, I...
- 01:04
Jaq
Oh, wait, I forgot my dolly. I'll be right back.
- 01:06
Marjorie
Okay.
- 01:09
Marjorie's Co-worker
Marjorie! Marjorie, did Jaq just ask you out?
- 01:11
Marjorie
Yeah, I'm gonna have to let him down gently.
- 01:13
Marjorie's Co-worker
So you're not gonna go?
- 01:15
Marjorie
Please, it's Jaq.
- 01:16
Marjorie's Co-worker
So? Girl, you know what I think? Let me tell you what I think. I bet you that man is a sex machine. Mr. Bouncy Bouncy Jaqy Bouncy?
- 01:26
Marjorie's Co-worker
Chuka chuka chuka chuka chuka chuka. Woo woo. Chuka chuka chuka chuka chuka chuka.
- 01:32
Marjorie
Please.
- 01:33
Marjorie's Co-worker
I mean, look at that man. Now imagine all that physical energy focused in on pleasing every inch of your body.
- 01:41
Marjorie
You gotta be kidding.
- 01:42
Marjorie's Co-worker
Hmm. I'd like to rip that little brown shirt off and suck on those.
- 01:51
Marjorie
Aren't you married?
- 01:51
Marjorie's Co-worker
Yes. Oh, now look at him. He just, just...
- 01:57
Marjorie
Jaq, everything okay over there?
- 02:00
Jaq
Cool. It's like this dog's eyes are following you. Cool.
- 02:07
Marjorie
Yeah, I don't think so.
- 02:09
Cheryl
Marjorie, the Jenkins report just isn't up to snuff. Oh, hi, Jaq.
- 02:14
Jaq
Hey, Cheryl.
- 02:16
Marjorie
Cheryl, about the Jenkins. Uh, Cheryl?
- 02:20
Cheryl
Not right now.
- 02:23
Jaq
Hey, Cheryl. Wow, it's a nice little, like, jacket thing. It's a good color. It's weird, I kind of get like a head rush looking at it
- 02:31
Cheryl
Thanks, Jaq. I'd like to take that luscious piece of man candy and flip him over in my knee and warm my hands on his double nut brownie. If only I liked men.
- 02:53
Marjorie
Is this some kind of a joke?
- 02:55
Cheryl
Honey, I never joke about...
- 02:59
Marjorie
You both think Jaq is that hot?
- 03:01
Cheryl
Oh, he is a sex demon.
- 03:05
Jaq
I'll load it up.
- 03:06
Marjorie
Oh, one more package, right here. I got it for you.
- 03:10
Jaq
Hey, I want to give you a hand with that.
- 03:12
Marjorie
Yeah, just get the tape down there.
- 03:15
Jaq
Cool. Yeah, just a moment.
- 03:20
Marjorie
Help! Oh!
- 03:26
Jaq
Oh, there, all done.
- 03:28
Marjorie
Me too.
- 03:35
Marjorie
Jaq, um, I would love to go out with you.
- 03:39
Jaq
Oh, cool. All right. Well, what did I pick you up? 8. 8. 8:30. 8:15. 8:20. 5.
- 03:48
Marjorie
How about now?
- 03:50
Jaq
Well, now is cool. Yes. Okay.
- 03:53
Jaq
I'll get the door.
- 03:54
Marjorie
Oh, thanks.
- 03:54
Jaq
Oh, here you go.
- 03:55
Marjorie
Bye, everybody.
- 03:57
Jaq
Bye, everybody.
- 03:59
Marjorie's Co-worker
Bye, Marjorie. Bye, Marjorie.
- 04:03
Cheryl
I wonder what he's like in bed.
- 04:07
Marjorie's Co-worker
He's unbelievable.
- 04:09
Marjorie's Co-worker
Molly, wait a minute. We gotta talk to you, girl.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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