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UBS Guy: Dentist
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
After a routine cleaning for an older patient, dentist Dr. Hurst welcomes Jaq, the chatty UBS delivery driver who is her next appointment. He wanders around the office fiddling with equipment, rambles about his own healthy teeth and spirals when she mentions a cavity. Once the gas takes hold he gets flirtatious, and she has to steer him out while he keeps trying to charm her.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Hey, look at me, I drink milk and I always brush.
Hey, are you coming on to me?
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired in the March 14, 1998 episode with guest Phyllis Diller.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Dr. Hurst
Okay, there, Mr. Dandridge, all done. How do you feel?
- 00:05
Speaker 1
Who can feel? I'm glad it's done.
- 00:10
Dr. Hurst
Well, all I did was clean your teeth. Well, don't forget to see the receptionist on your way out, and have a good day.
- 00:17
Speaker 1
How?
- 00:21
Dr. Hurst
Sharon, I'm ready for the next patient.
- 00:26
Jaq
Hey. What's up, Jack?
- 00:32
Dr. Hurst
Hey, well, hello, Jaq, and how are we today?
- 00:34
Jaq
Oh, we're great. Who else is here?
- 00:37
Dr. Hurst
Come on, have a seat.
- 00:38
Jaq
Oh, whoa, check these out. Hey, look at me, I drink milk and I always brush. Oh, not me, and I feel rotten. You should go see Dr. Hurst. Yeah, I hear she's really pretty. Yeah, she got great eyes and her hands smell really nice.
- 00:52
Dr. Hurst
Thank you, Jaq, that's very nice, but come on now, let's, let's have a seat, okay? Okay.
- 00:57
Jaq
Whoa, that's big.
- 01:01
Dr. Hurst
Yeah, Jaq.
- 01:02
Jaq
Imagine if your mouth was that big. It wouldn't be cool, you know? It was like regular size when it was closed, but then when you opened up, it was like that huge, like, totally scare people.
- 01:10
Dr. Hurst
Okay, Jaq. Jaq, Jaq, why don't we have a seat? All right, tell me, get to the checkout, okay?
- 01:19
Jaq
Oh, leather, nice. Oh... Oh, hello. Oh... Oh, I am the vampire, I come to suck your blood.
- 01:47
Dr. Hurst
Jaq, Jaq, Jaq, please don't, don't play with the instruments. I'm coming.
- 01:55
Dr. Hurst
Okay, just...
- 02:00
Jaq
Thanks, Doc.
- 02:02
Dr. Hurst
All right, now just relax and open wide.
- 02:04
Jaq
Okay, totally relaxed.
- 02:06
Dr. Hurst
So, how's everything been? Any problems?
- 02:22
Dr. Hurst
Jaq, I think you have a cavity.
- 02:26
Jaq
A cavity? I can't have a cavity. It's like having a hole in your tooth. I mean, like, what if all my teeth get holes and, like, like, crack and, like, fall out? I mean, I won't have anything but gums. Yeah, I won't be able to eat anything, like steak or apples or granola bars or carrots or baseball card gum, you know, or ribs or french fries or potato skins.
- 02:48
Dr. Hurst
Now, it's just gas. It's going to help you relax, okay? Now just breathe deeply.
- 03:03
Jaq
Oh, yeah. Hey, Doc, how about some sweet, hot love?
- 03:12
Dr. Hurst
All... All right. Right, Jaq, wake up. That's it. You're all done.
- 03:25
Jaq
That's it? Cool. Let's do it again.
- 03:30
Dr. Hurst
Now, listen, you're not going to be able to drive home right away, okay? So Sharon's going to help you and take you into one of the rooms to rest it off.
- 03:35
Jaq
Oh, hey, don't worry about it. I'm fine. Thank you. No problem. See? No problem.
- 03:46
Dr. Hurst
Okay, let me, let me, let me, let me give you a hand.
- 03:50
Jaq
Hey, are you coming on to me?
- 03:52
Dr. Hurst
No. Now, Sharon is going to help you out, okay?
- 03:57
Jaq
Okay. Hey, where did you get those tanks?
- 03:59
Dr. Hurst
Jaq, goodbye.
- 04:02
Jaq
Sharon?
- 04:11
Dr. Hurst
Jaq, get out!
- 04:13
Jaq
Later.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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