Pauly ShoreHost
Himself
You're tuned to the good stuff
Pauly Shore's Christmas Story
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Debra Wilson, Nicole Sullivan and Mary Scheer introduce guest host Pauly Shore, who sits beside a Christmas tree in a red onesie and Santa hat to tell a heartwarming childhood story. It is anything but: his mother's sober boyfriend Danny sneaks some eggnog at a holiday party, keeps demanding a trip to La Jolla, and is banished to the couch, so a young Pauly drags him to the bathroom and plies him with shots. The drunken Danny backhands Pauly's sister, the guests pile on him, and the party dissolves into a brawl. Shore tells it all with his trademark surfer drawl, a detour into a love song Danny once wrote for his sister and plenty of mugging for the camera, before toasting his favorite holiday with a glass of eggnog.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Christmas is like my favorite holiday of all time.
Naughty, Danny, naughty.
Danny, get away. You're drunk. Go sit on the couch.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
John Blanchard
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Shore was the guest host of this March 1997 episode, so this Christmas-themed bit served as his stand-up spot; he also appeared in the same episode's Cabana Chat.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Herself
Ladies and gentlemen, here with a story to warm our hearts, our friend, Pauly Shore.
- 00:10
Pauly Shore
Hey, what's
- 00:17
I can't believe that I cannot be saved, I can't believe that I cannot be saved,
- 00:25
Pauly Shore
what's up up, brothers and sisters? Ho, ho, ho, America! And Merry Christmas!
- 00:37
Pauly Shore
This This is Pauly Shore here. Loser!
- 00:45
Pauly Shore
Christmas is like my favorite holiday of all time. Yours too?
- 00:49
Yeah!
- 00:50
Pauly Shore
I remember when I was younger, when I was like seven years old, my mom's boyfriend at the time, Danny, he had been sober for 15 years with AA. But that Christmas, he decided to slip and have a little eggnog.
- 01:05
Pauly Shore
Naughty, Danny, naughty.
- 01:09
Pauly Shore
And everyone at the party knew he was drunk, but Danny, he wouldn't admit it. So he kept on pressuring my mom to take him to San Diego. Right? And he says, coming to my mom, he said, Mitzi, what do you mean we're not going to La Jolla? And my mom's like, Danny, get away. You're drunk. Go sit on the couch.
- 01:34
Pauly Shore
Ah! So Danny's sitting there on the couch all bummed out. Obviously, I approach him. And I go into the bathroom. I take him in there, right? And I got a little flask of booze, right?
- 01:47
Pauly Shore
And I said, dude, who cares what she says, bro? you're part of this family too you're allowed to have a drink total instigator
- 01:55
Pauly Shore
All right right so he said yeah you're right i'm part of this family too so i just start feeding him shots he's just like and finally after like 10 shots right he's twisted man so he cruises back inside the party's like, he's like, listen, what do you mean we're not going to La Jolla?
- 02:26
Pauly Shore
So then, like, my sister, she chimes in, and she says, damn it, Danny, you're not going to La Jolla, and that's final. And then out of nowhere, Danny just, he just backhands the Jewish-American princess, BOOM! Right?
- 02:43
Pauly Shore
Oh yeah, on a side note, Danny Danny actually used to be in love with my sister and even wrote a song about her. Here, here it is. Watch.
- 02:50
Pauly Shore
My little Jewish American princess girl, even though we're 45, no one ever be waiting in love for you.
- 03:01
Pauly Shore
So anyways, back to Danny, okay? So what he does, he gives him back hands, all right? You know, and my mom freaks. Obviously, my mom's like, oh, my God.
- 03:12
Pauly Shore
You know, I'm sitting there going, bro, man, you shouldn't have hit my sister, you know? And then everyone, I swear, everyone at the party hops over the bar, man, and we just start peddling them, man, like a whale on an Alaskan pier. Just boom, boom, man! Don't ever touch my sister, close American princess!
- 03:31
Pauly Shore
And China just starts flying everywhere. And he's just sitting there. He's just sitting there all bloody, just like...
- 03:42
Pauly Shore
Hmm, close-up.
- 03:46
Pauly Shore
Man, I love Christmas. Christmas is, like, my favorite holiday. Eggnog?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
