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The Dysfunctional Home Show - Christmas Edition
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
The announcer explains that the family is celebrating Christmas in January after a prolonged drinking binge. Grandpa Jack, dressed as Santa after losing a department-store job, demonstrates a rum cake recipe that quickly becomes an excuse to drink. A doorbell sets off his old boxing reflexes as his family arrives. Great Grandma raids the Christmas stockings and gathers the children for a bitter version of the traditional holiday story. Jack’s attempt to light the tree goes wrong, and the household closes with a chaotic Christmas-song parody.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
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Highly quotable.
Like I'm the first Santa that ever threw up on a kid!
Who the hell are you?
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The opening announcement explicitly places this belated Christmas celebration in January. The January 3, 1993 episode date is supported by the Fox DVD release review and aired-order guides; some syndicated listings instead show December 20, 1992.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Welcome to the Dysfunctional Home Christmas Show. Yeah, okay, we know it's January, but the family just woke up from a two-week drunk. And now, here's our host, Grandpa Jack McGee.
- 00:10
Grandpa Jack McGee
Oh, hi. And welcome back to the Dysfunctional Home Show. I just got fired from a gig at Macy's. Like I'm the first Santa that ever threw up on a kid.
- 00:26
Grandpa Jack McGee
this Thanks week we're gonna show you how to have a dysfunctional Christmas oh I wish I could suck on a 12 gauge
- 00:45
Grandpa Jack McGee
okay let's get into the spirit of this thing we're Riggis! We're going to start with Grandpa Jack's special recipe for a Christmas drum cake. First step, you get the cake. Step number two, you add a dash of Grandpa's secret ingredient, pork and beans.
- 01:27
Grandpa Jack McGee
Great! Now, YUM YUM!
- 01:37
Grandpa Jack McGee
once the family gets a taste of that, they're going to...
- 01:46
Grandpa Jack McGee
You're going to... And And that's where the rum comes in. It
- 02:16
Grandpa Jack McGee
oh it must must be my stepdaughter and my little grandchildren. You know, Christmas is a time for family. Come here, Kate. Come on, you ungrateful little sperm.
- 02:38
Grandpa Jack McGee
Ho, ho, ho, holey. Great grandma forgot to hang up her stocking.
- 02:53
Grandpa Jack McGee
Hey, kids. Look who it is. It's time for Great-Grandma McGee's traditional Christmas story.
- 03:04
Grandpa Jack McGee
Gather round, kiddies! Come on, kids!
- 03:07
It your leg out!
- 03:10
Great Grandma
Who the hell are you?
- 03:13
Great Grandma
Anyway... was the night before Christmas, and all threw out. house. Nothing was seen. Nothing. Not even a little, little martini.
- 03:28
Great Grandma
I
- 03:30
Great Grandma
Well, on the porch came a thundering clatter. It was the social worker come to take all my babies, all of them except Jack. Grandpa Jack, that's right, he was still in in my best ring home! I begged her to take him, but no!
- 04:00
Grandpa Jack McGee
That's beautiful. think I left my bottle opener in there.
- 04:08
Great Grandma
It's mine now, kiddies!
- 04:10
Grandpa Jack McGee
Hey kids, it's it's time time to light the tree.
- 04:24
Grandpa Jack McGee
Okay, kids. It's time to join in the singing of...
- 04:29
To of the way
- 04:33
Grandpa Jack McGee
join in the singing of our dysfunctional Christmas anthem.
- 04:40
Great Grandma
Oh, God. Shut up!
- 04:45
Grandpa Jack McGee
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
- 04:52
Grandpa Jack McGee
angry straining to Seven pills of poppet. Six packs of be black. dry heaps four counts of batteries three black guys two timing wives and a can of pork and beans pork and beans
- 05:26
Great Grandma
You shut up, Jack!
- 05:29
You can't speak! You'll never get me!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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