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Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Incredible Findings host Mike Lawson opens his holiday show dressed as Santa before admitting it is really him, then welcomes his friend and salesman Tony Bright. Tony asks whether Mike likes his own looks, and soon pitches a do-it-yourself cosmetic surgery kit as a cheap, at-home alternative to the real thing. Mike picks celebrity features from a menu and lies face-down on a non-stick pad while Tony lists the accessories. The result leaves Mike delighted with his new look, and Tony closes with a Christmas price cut, a mail-order address and an age warning.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'll get the Johnny Depp nose, the Brad Pitt chin, and that neat-looking Ben Kingsley forehead.
I'm heading home to get my snorkel.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
And now it's time for Incredible Findings with your host, Mike Lawson.
- 00:10
Mike Lawson
Ho, ho, ho, everybody. Mike couldn't be here today for this very Merry Christmas Incredible Findings, so he had me, Santa Claus, take his place.
- 00:20
Mike Lawson
Just kidding, it's really me, Mike Lawson. But to get serious for a second, we're going to be introducing a product today that from what I understand is going to blow the lid off just about everything. Are you ready? Because I sure am. Let's bring out our old friend, Tony Bright.
- 00:38
Tony Bright
Hello, hello, Mike!
- 00:43
Mike Lawson
OK, Tony. Blah, blah, blah. Let's cut to the chase. Where's this brand-new product I keep hearing about?
- 00:49
Tony Bright
Not so fast, Mike. First, I've got a question for you. Mike, are you happy with the way you look?
- 00:54
Mike Lawson
Well, if you promise not to tell anybody, sometimes my face kind of gets on my nerves.
- 01:00
Tony Bright
Well, then why not do something about it, Mike?
- 01:02
Mike Lawson
What are you, high? Cosmetic surgery costs major bucks.
- 01:06
Tony Bright
Not anymore, Mike. Mike, I'm here to tell you you can get any cosmetic surgery you'd ever want at a friction of the price, and right in your own home. Mike, introducing Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box.
- 01:23
Mike Lawson
Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box? No way.
- 01:26
Tony Bright
Yes way, Mike. It's the complete cosmetic surgery kit from the good old folks at Nubco.
- 01:31
Mike Lawson
Nubco? Are they who I think they are?
- 01:33
Tony Bright
That's right, Mike. They are. Now you'll be able to adjust those facial features to anything you'd ever want, just like Cher and Roseanne and all your favourite movie stars, Mike.
- 01:41
Mike Lawson
That Roseanne is funny as heck.
- 01:43
Tony Bright
Mike, let me show you how it works.
- 01:45
Mike Lawson
Whoa, built to last or what?
- 01:49
Tony Bright
You're right about that, Mike, and it's not 90% waterproof, it's a hundred percent waterproof, Mike.
- 01:54
Mike Lawson
Oh, that's perfect, cuz I'm totally into scuba.
- 01:56
Mike Lawson
I don't know, should we?
- 02:00
Tony Bright
Mike, you just choose any facial feature you'd ever want.
- 02:05
Mike Lawson
Oh, way cool. Look at that selection. Okay, I'll get the Johnny Depp nose, the Brad Pitt chin, and that neat-looking Ben Kingsley forehead.
- 02:14
Tony Bright
You got it, Mike.
- 02:16
Mike Lawson
Hey, I just thought of something. If this thing's half as good as you say it is, it'll make the perfect Christmas gift.
- 02:23
Tony Bright
You're right about that, Mike. It sure would. What do you say, Mike? You ready to give it a go?
- 02:28
Mike Lawson
Okay, Tony, what do I do?
- 02:30
Tony Bright
Mike, all you do is you put your face down on this pet-nip non-stick surface.
- 02:34
Mike Lawson
Non-stick? Holy. Those Nubco guys think of everything.
- 02:41
Tony Bright
Here we go.
- 02:42
Mike Lawson
George Clooney, eat your heart out.
- 02:50
Tony Bright
In Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box comes with six cotton swabs, a five-page instructional pamphlet and this bonus vegetable knife that'll have you preparing your favorite hors d'oeuvres just like the pros. All right, Mike, let's take agenda.
- 03:08
Mike Lawson
How do I look, Mr. Tom Cruise?
- 03:12
Tony Bright
What have you done with my friend, Mike?
- 03:14
Mike Lawson
Knock it off, Tony. I don't look that good, do I? Thanks for putting me on.
- 03:21
Tony Bright
Don't take our word for it, Mike. Let's put it to the real test.
- 03:26
Mike Lawson
What the heck? Oh,
- 03:31
Speaker 2
Oh, Mr. Cruise, I love all your movies and your looks.
- 03:36
Mike Lawson
Wow, I'm a star.
- 03:38
Tony Bright
You sure are, Mike. Mike, and you know, Mike, Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box normally costs $120, but since it's Christmas time, I'm willing to let the whole package go for three easy payments of $39.95, all of which you'll make back within months as a celebrity.
- 03:56
Mike Lawson
Tony, you better hurry up and tell them how to order.
- 03:59
Tony Bright
There's nothing to it, Mike. Send your check or money order to Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box, P.O. Box 788, Postal Station C, Farmington, Illinois, MasterCard or Visa accepted, no CODs, please. Must be over 18 and have a valid driver's license.
- 04:11
Mike Lawson
Well, that's our show for today. And I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm heading home to get my snorkel.
- 04:18
Tony Bright
Looks like you're going to need it, Mike.
- 04:20
Mike Lawson
Well, that's our show. Join us next week on Incredible Findings. Good night, folks.
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